Drowning in Tears

from JoeUser Forums
The sky screams
and I respond in kind
as jagged fist pounds the earth
with no sense of ceremony
and tears fall
the product of the misunderstood, dark and brooding
as the trees whisper
their voices just loud enough to hear them
and wonder what
was said
I hear flitting of leaf and wings
as nervous hearts hide from angry blows
and most of all
I cringe
as millions of death-cries ripple across the ground
as the crawlers breathe one last time
gasping
writhing
drowning in tears.
poetry
1,739 views 5 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
the extremity of the words almost detracts from this piece, needs more understatement. Keep writing, don't let my observation bum you out - shalom
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
The storm last night definitely qualified as extreme. I wanted to convey a sense of fury and anger and ultimate sadness as the Earth killed its own. What kind of understatement would you suggest?
Galactic Civilizations III
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
The storm last night definitely qualified as extreme.


Now that I know what the poem is about, it's pretty awesome. But when I first read it I was super confused. I agreed with Buddah because on first read it sounds like a metaphor for something else. But as a descriptive poem it's super cool. All this needed was a bit of clarity.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ah, so a qualifier would be in order to explain a little better. I think I see what you're saying.This piece can be sort of ambiguous without that knowledge, I admit.