For your reading Pleasure

Ok!  I got an Aunt like all of you do.  She sends me "forward this for Poor little Annie" hoaxes all the time.  And jokes that are, to say the least, about as old as I am.  But I read them and talk to her when I can, giving her computer advice "When it says press ANY key, just press one!".

But today, she sent me a joke that I had not seen before and had me rolling.  So without further ado, here is Mrs. T's Joke (yea, she is old enough, she is a Mrs., not a Ms.).

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my two Dalmatians and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the
hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit
me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

18,769 views 22 replies
Reply #1 Top
Reply #2 Top
This one must have just hit the net. I got it today too and it was the first time I had seen it.
Reply #3 Top

This one must have just hit the net. I got it today too and it was the first time I had seen it.

I figured it was new.  But it is good!  So you had a few coffee on the screen moments as well?

Reply #4 Top

Reply By: Tova7

It is the telling that is so good!

Reply #5 Top

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

first laugh of the day,  might be the last,  surely the best!

 

Reply #6 Top

first laugh of the day, might be the last, surely the best!

I am going to send this link to my aunt.  So she can at least know that she finally has a winner! (I will not tell her of the gazillion losers she has sent me. )

Reply #7 Top


I'll be telling this one in the truckstops next week.
Reply #8 Top
I've got tears running down my cheeks... Great one, Doc.
Reply #9 Top
ROFL...I'm laughing so hard my kids are teasing me! Good one Doc. I've not received this one yet, but I'm sure I will. So funny!
Reply #10 Top

ROFL...I'm laughing so hard my kids are teasing me! Good one Doc. I've not received this one yet, but I'm sure I will. So funny!

I am sure I am going to get it another 100 times now, but it was so refreshing to get a new one.

And thanks Mason twins!  Glad to bring some mirth into the day.

Reply #11 Top
That's pretty funny. I had heard one similarly. Thanks for the laugh.
Reply #12 Top
man, i hate when cars hit me when I am licking my balls... throws my rythmn all off.
Reply #13 Top

man, i hate when cars hit me when I am licking my balls... throws my rythmn all off.

OMG!   Sorry, I am laugihing too hard.!  Thanks for that comment. 

WOW!  Excuse my while I clear the tears.

!

Reply #14 Top
Hahaha, I just read it again, still funny!
Reply #15 Top
Hahaha, I just read it again, still funny!


Remember, you read it here first, after yuo get it umpteen times from forwrds!
Reply #17 Top
I fell off my chuckle wagon very hard with this one! very funny ......picturing it even funnier!
Reply #18 Top

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

It is good to laugh!  I am glad I could bring some to you.

Reply #19 Top

I fell off my chuckle wagon very hard with this one! very funny ......picturing it even funnier!

I get so many stale jokes from my family, that when they send a good one, I have to post it!  This one was!

Reply #20 Top
Here's an old chestnut that's old as grandma's titty and twice as dusty:

Once upon a time tow guys were walking down the street and observed a dog licking his balls.
"Don't ya wish you could do that? one of 'em said. Then the other one, after thinking a second, replied "yeah, I do. But sure as I did, the son of a bitch would bite me..."
Reply #21 Top
#20 by Shovelheat
Fri, August 18, 2006 7:08 PM




Bad dog!
Reply #22 Top
the eagle turned on Saddam and Attacked

Saddam was one of our warriors way back
we crowned him a prince

he fucked up and we fucked up
hell everybody was fucking up
it was war & shit never goes the way anyone really wants

son went all mad dog in the end
when we decided
to use the kurds
to take him down

HE HITLERED UP
for security purposes
went to war

saddam's head was so dangerous
the executioner ripped it right off
the crowds screamed and cried
tried to drive his mighty spirit away from the gallows
rightly so trembling in fear
at the horror of his coming wrath

His spirit surprised everyone & no one
with a wave and a tear
he forgave them their place in history
as great men do

as
great men

expect



sorry old soldier left hungry alone in your fox hole

wish i could have told you

we are praying
for you


to all enemies we sing: our hearts are still open
our minds are still free

we were not effected
by they great they's
enchantment spells

we too are sickened
by
the
rotting diseased cloak of these lies







we are coming for you

i am
a man of my word
the word
your word
our word



YOU ARE FORGIVEN

forgive us


We just didn't make it in time saddam
this stoic crusader was still marching silently
through the carnage
seeking rank on missions top secret
waging war from under deep cover
pretending always to go along



waiting

waiting

waitng

for the order

to come down




you know how that is

I

salute

u



we all salute you