Daily Dose of Weird and Whacky Headlines

from JoeUser Forums

"Event Opposed for Its Gay Ties"--headline, Pioneer Press (St. Paul, Minn.), Jan. 24

Only earth tone ties allowed.

"Jackson Ex-Lawyer Testifies in Tape Suit"--headline, FoxNews.com, Jan. 24

Duct Tape - it is not just for fixing any more!

"Water Board Cited as Ineffective"--headline, Pioneer Press (St. Paul, Minn.), Jan. 26

The CIA going back to flaming bamboo under fingernails.

"Sting in former Soviet republic illustrates how accessible nuclear material is"--subheadline, MSNBC.com, Jan. 25

He should stick to singing with the police, not acting like James Bond!

"Brain Damage Seems to Ease Smoking Cravings, Study Says"--headline, FoxNews.com, Jan. 26

So only smart people can smoke?

"World's Oldest Person Dies for the Second Time in Two Weeks"--headline, KUSA-TV Web site (Denver), Jan. 29

Lazarus just wont give up!

"Chinese Colonel Sees Arms in Space"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 27

I have heard of the long arm of the law, but the long arm of the China Army?

"Anchorage Is Getting Socked With Snow"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 26

Newcastle getting socked with coal, Saudi Arabia getting socked with sand, etc....

"Lawyers Point Fingers in Fatal Shooting"--headline, Denver Post, Jan. 25

My fingers just shot blanks!

"Never Give an Iguana Viagra"--headline, Reuters, Jan. 25

Does it make their tail stiff?

"Hezbollah Leader Nasrallah Attacks Bush"--headline, Reuters, Jan. 30

Denies it was the bush that spoke to Moses.

"States Revisiting Electoral College"--headline, Washington Times, Jan. 31

"Hi!  I am Virginia.  Class of 1788."

"Ethics Watchdogs Looking for Teeth"--headline, Washington Times, Jan. 31

What is this watchdog going to do, gum you to death?

humor
9,674 views 9 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
"Event Opposed for Its Gay Ties"--headline, Pioneer Press (St. Paul, Minn.), Jan. 24


So my Three Stooges tie is definitely out then?

"Jackson Ex-Lawyer Testifies in Tape Suit"--headline, FoxNews.com, Jan. 24


Gay tie just didn't match.

World's Oldest Person Dies for the Second Time in Two Weeks"--headline, KUSA-TV Web site (Denver), Jan. 29


This one is just too damn funny on it's own to add anything else.

"Chinese Colonel Sees Arms in Space"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 27


Forgot to let go of anti-satellite missile.

"Ethics Watchdogs Looking for Teeth"--headline, Washington Times, Jan. 31

What is this watchdog going to do, gum you to death?


great one!
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Great ones! Loved the Anti-satelite one!   
Star Control: Origins
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top

Reply By: dynamaso

Llaaaauuugghhhh nooowwww tttthhhhaaaatttt youuuu are warrrrrmmmmm!

Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
good ones as usual, Doc

"Brain Damage Seems to Ease Smoking Cravings, Study Says"--headline, FoxNews.com, Jan. 26


So now I know why I don't smoke.

"Hezbollah Leader Nasrallah Attacks Bush"--headline, Reuters, Jan. 30


Damn, even he's mad Reggie took money from agents in college.

"Event Opposed for Its Gay Ties"--headline, Pioneer Press (St. Paul, Minn.), Jan. 24


I wonder if a gay tie is a bow tie or bolo tie. Because most ties just hang there with no curves so wouldn't they considered them straight?

"Jackson Ex-Lawyer Testifies in Tape Suit"--headline, FoxNews.com, Jan. 24


I wonder if he'll be able to get out of his sticky situation.

"Chinese Colonel Sees Arms in Space"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 27


Damn, he's got good eyes.

"Never Give an Iguana Viagra"--headline, Reuters, Jan. 25


When they asked the owner of the iguana if the iguana will make a recovery he said, "It will be hard".





Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
When they asked the owner of the iguana if the iguana will make a recovery he said, "It will be hard".


  
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Llaaaauuugghhhh nooowwww tttthhhhaaaatttt youuuu are warrrrrmmmmm


I'm not just warm, mate, I'm tanned, shaded and have sand between my toes. Sorry (wait a minute, no I'm not )
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

Sorry (wait a minute, no I'm not )

Iiiiii   Ddddiiiiiiddddd nnnnooottttt tttthhhinkkk you weeerree for a mmmiiinnnuute!