Last Breath

from JoeUser Forums
If she from grace did
fall it was
not dark desire
but fatal flaw
that brought her
to our midst.

Oblivion and Passion Lost
are we.
Within this putrid place
for all to see
our shaded husks,
forgotten schemes,
exploited and abandoned
teens and tots.

Now, claustrophobic dreams
Has she of
getting, using
misery
getting, using
endlessly, each time

sweet vein and blush
of blood envelopes
like a flood
of
death
until

last
breath.
poetry
2,738 views 9 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Wow.  I really, really liked this.  It struck a chord with me.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
I pictured a shooting gallery with mothers' daughters for sale, but with you weighing in, I see the setting could equally well be as epitaph for a DOA in any ER. Thanks.
Siege of Centauri
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
of
getting, using
misery
getting, using
endlessly


This is powerful stuff... Simple, elegant and very, very powerful.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
* thank you maso -- very kind -- my better stuff seems to write itself
* lw & shovelheat had challenged me to explore my void, I blame them

Good idea for a writer's challenge by the way... I know what I would write about ...just don't know if I could deal with the feelings ...we'll see.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
my better stuff seems to write itself


As does mine.

we'll see


I'll be looking for it...
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
If she from grace did
fall it was
not dark desire
but fatal flaw
that brought her
to our midst.


wow. Simply...

Wow...
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks shovel (Joe). Means a lot to me.

A lot of addicts and alkys will share that being cool or being high was not as big a motive for their addiction as wanting to feel normal or just being a born addict. The biggest evidence of this is with the dry addict or drunk. Like they say in AA, "take alcohol away from an asshole, you still got an asshole." This is why these groups try to focus on personal change, so people can live "in their own skins".
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well done, you have a great facility with imagery and language. - Moskowitz
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks Buddah. I have much to learn. Through your poetry, you both teach and delight.