Women: What I Want VS What I Get
The Situation Comedy That Is My Love-Life
http://imajinit.joeuser.com/index.asp?AID=14338
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Let me start off by saying I love women. To me the most capivating piece of art ever created was the female form. I am writing this because I was just reading Imajinit's entry entitled "When Women Take Their Clothes Off", and thought I'd voice off on it, but figured it'd get lost in the 100+ responses that it already has.
Now onto the business at hand....
My love life has been a comedy of errors. I've been involved with easily over 50 women, and I've been initimate with 20 of them, but looking back on it I'd be happier if that number was... let's say 3. I have done a lot of stuff I'm not really proud of. However, part of me is particularly proud of a few things. My relationships tend to burn out fast. They tend to be hot, heavy, serious, and no longer than 100 days. In fact, it's hard for me to break what I call the "3 month curse". I like women a lot more than men, and not just for the obvious reasons. I've never been shy around girls, and I find their company more comfortable and comforting than that of guys. For me, guys are just competition, including my friends. In fact, me and my friends have butted heads over girls before, it doesn't patch up easily and that's solely my fault.
The part about Imaginit's article that grabbed me was not the article (although it was very well written, good job!), but the comment on how he seems so "two-faced" or "double-sided" on the subject grabbed me the most and made me think about how dualistic I am. Which leads to the title: "What I want VS What I get". I read a lot as a little kid, and for most of my life thus far I've had nothing but a mile-wide "knight in shining armor" streak in me. Still to this day I'd like nothing more than to settle down and raise a family with a sweet, caring girl. I love to play the hero, I live for it, but that mindset has brought me nothing but girls who have problems they doen't care to solve and would rather play martyr because they're dying for attention. It's like trying to save someone from drowning when they've tied a rock to their ankle and they don't want your help.
Unfortunately, 4 years of college has brought out in me a darker side that can only be described as a completely uncontrolable nympho. Now that may seem redundant being a guy, but I not just want, but feel I need it 4 or 5 times a day. Thus the problem: part of me wants nothing more than to be the sweet, dashing, tall, dark, and handsome guy women swoon over. The other part of me wants to screw like a bunny on viagra. An easy answer to this problem is to find a sweet little nympho who has no problems maintaining a relationship, and I'm sure I'll recover the holy grail before that happens. Sex itself is a double edged sword for me. I do it because apparently I'm good at it and I apparently don't get praised enough. Matter of fact, I hardly get an "physical" pleasure out of it at all, out of the 20 girls I've been with only one has brought me to climax, and she didn't do anything different, I'm sure of it. I really do it for the seduction (which is a huge part too, it's a dominance thing), and the praise. So it's less sex and more of me trying to sell myself as a product. How sad is an existance where you do have sex not for the physical coital pleasure or that you love that person, but for the emotional pleasure of the praise you get.
Sometimes the things they say can hurt though. I dunno if I could ever trust another girl who chose either mid-coitus or afterward to tell me that she loves me. I've already written-off any comments about marrige as being total BS, not that I was interested in the first place (except for a couple), and I've actually went on a flying rage when a girl asked me to cut loose inside of her because she wants to have my kids. I just want to know why any woman would say something like that when they know damn well they don't mean it. It's just absolutely terrible. And it's not that the girls are sluts, I've been pounced by chior girls who don't date let alone kiss boys. And I've had cases where within a week of the first contact I've gotten in the pants of girls who not only don't kiss a guy on the first date, but also won't sleep wiht guys until they've been together for months to a year, so it's strictly my doing. But out of all the things to say, WHY SAY THAT!?!?!
I just want to know what's keeping me from being in a nice, long relationship. Yeah, part of me feels I need sex like I need air, but I'm good at keeping a lid on it. I've been in relationships where we take our time and they just never get off the ground. So it's not like I rush things, but it does feel like if I don't go fast it won't go anywhere, but if I do that I know the relationship's not going to last very long. I'm just tired of seeing friends who've been with the same person for years and are perfectly happy when I can't find someone who has "the patience to love me".
Heh, and that's the other part that kills me, "the patience to love me". Apparently I'm "desirable" but not "lovable". I've gone to at least 3 parties at my best friend's place in the city because some girl "thinks I'm cute" or "wants to meet me" only to find that the mission of the evening is to get me plastered and into bed with this girl because my friend is running some secret prostitution ring and I'm his unpaid, unknowing whore. It is kinda fun though being the "legendary guy" at the party, all the guys hate you and all the girls are at least mildly interested because they've heard the stories. Although it does suck when your friend informs you the next day that the girl wasn't looking for a relationship, just some attention, and they all knew she was in safe hands with me 'cuz I'm a "nice guy". And the ironic part is that when I get used like that I go on a rampage and then sleep with 5 other girls to "get even". How's that for retarded?
So to wrap up this duality thing - I want a nice, long relationship with a sweet girl, but I get stuck with short, hot relationships with crazy chicks. I don't mind the latter so much in that it's better than being single, but I really want something longer and meaningful because being treated like a disposable sex object is killing my sense of self-worth.
So that's all I've got for now, I encourage anyone and everyone to respond to this, regardless your words effecting my feelings, 'cuz I wanna know.
Now onto the business at hand....
My love life has been a comedy of errors. I've been involved with easily over 50 women, and I've been initimate with 20 of them, but looking back on it I'd be happier if that number was... let's say 3. I have done a lot of stuff I'm not really proud of. However, part of me is particularly proud of a few things. My relationships tend to burn out fast. They tend to be hot, heavy, serious, and no longer than 100 days. In fact, it's hard for me to break what I call the "3 month curse". I like women a lot more than men, and not just for the obvious reasons. I've never been shy around girls, and I find their company more comfortable and comforting than that of guys. For me, guys are just competition, including my friends. In fact, me and my friends have butted heads over girls before, it doesn't patch up easily and that's solely my fault.
The part about Imaginit's article that grabbed me was not the article (although it was very well written, good job!), but the comment on how he seems so "two-faced" or "double-sided" on the subject grabbed me the most and made me think about how dualistic I am. Which leads to the title: "What I want VS What I get". I read a lot as a little kid, and for most of my life thus far I've had nothing but a mile-wide "knight in shining armor" streak in me. Still to this day I'd like nothing more than to settle down and raise a family with a sweet, caring girl. I love to play the hero, I live for it, but that mindset has brought me nothing but girls who have problems they doen't care to solve and would rather play martyr because they're dying for attention. It's like trying to save someone from drowning when they've tied a rock to their ankle and they don't want your help.
Unfortunately, 4 years of college has brought out in me a darker side that can only be described as a completely uncontrolable nympho. Now that may seem redundant being a guy, but I not just want, but feel I need it 4 or 5 times a day. Thus the problem: part of me wants nothing more than to be the sweet, dashing, tall, dark, and handsome guy women swoon over. The other part of me wants to screw like a bunny on viagra. An easy answer to this problem is to find a sweet little nympho who has no problems maintaining a relationship, and I'm sure I'll recover the holy grail before that happens. Sex itself is a double edged sword for me. I do it because apparently I'm good at it and I apparently don't get praised enough. Matter of fact, I hardly get an "physical" pleasure out of it at all, out of the 20 girls I've been with only one has brought me to climax, and she didn't do anything different, I'm sure of it. I really do it for the seduction (which is a huge part too, it's a dominance thing), and the praise. So it's less sex and more of me trying to sell myself as a product. How sad is an existance where you do have sex not for the physical coital pleasure or that you love that person, but for the emotional pleasure of the praise you get.
Sometimes the things they say can hurt though. I dunno if I could ever trust another girl who chose either mid-coitus or afterward to tell me that she loves me. I've already written-off any comments about marrige as being total BS, not that I was interested in the first place (except for a couple), and I've actually went on a flying rage when a girl asked me to cut loose inside of her because she wants to have my kids. I just want to know why any woman would say something like that when they know damn well they don't mean it. It's just absolutely terrible. And it's not that the girls are sluts, I've been pounced by chior girls who don't date let alone kiss boys. And I've had cases where within a week of the first contact I've gotten in the pants of girls who not only don't kiss a guy on the first date, but also won't sleep wiht guys until they've been together for months to a year, so it's strictly my doing. But out of all the things to say, WHY SAY THAT!?!?!
I just want to know what's keeping me from being in a nice, long relationship. Yeah, part of me feels I need sex like I need air, but I'm good at keeping a lid on it. I've been in relationships where we take our time and they just never get off the ground. So it's not like I rush things, but it does feel like if I don't go fast it won't go anywhere, but if I do that I know the relationship's not going to last very long. I'm just tired of seeing friends who've been with the same person for years and are perfectly happy when I can't find someone who has "the patience to love me".
Heh, and that's the other part that kills me, "the patience to love me". Apparently I'm "desirable" but not "lovable". I've gone to at least 3 parties at my best friend's place in the city because some girl "thinks I'm cute" or "wants to meet me" only to find that the mission of the evening is to get me plastered and into bed with this girl because my friend is running some secret prostitution ring and I'm his unpaid, unknowing whore. It is kinda fun though being the "legendary guy" at the party, all the guys hate you and all the girls are at least mildly interested because they've heard the stories. Although it does suck when your friend informs you the next day that the girl wasn't looking for a relationship, just some attention, and they all knew she was in safe hands with me 'cuz I'm a "nice guy". And the ironic part is that when I get used like that I go on a rampage and then sleep with 5 other girls to "get even". How's that for retarded?
So to wrap up this duality thing - I want a nice, long relationship with a sweet girl, but I get stuck with short, hot relationships with crazy chicks. I don't mind the latter so much in that it's better than being single, but I really want something longer and meaningful because being treated like a disposable sex object is killing my sense of self-worth.
So that's all I've got for now, I encourage anyone and everyone to respond to this, regardless your words effecting my feelings, 'cuz I wanna know.
