Cervical Cancer
Cryotherapy
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
I have less then two days to go. Worried alot can feel my body make sudden shifts and then I get to the point that I am so scared I want to call and postpone this treatment asking them if there is anything else they can do other then this. I am trembling scared. Not sure what to do. Just want to lay in bed and think what should I do. But then my head comes back to reality and says Crystal this is the easiest way they think they can get rid of it. The fact is you dont know what its like so you are severely scared of what is comming. You are Scared for your self for once in your life time and you should be. But then its like a light that you are suppose to go to and you dont want to go! My life was just getting good and then this had to spill into it. But I have this theory that has proven itself many times.
So take my family.
Keegan (brother) he is 21 has 15 warrents for his arrest but has not been to court nor has he been in jail yet for any of these warrents. Tried to kill me many times. Still free. Has somewhat a great life. has two kids from one girlfriend not married. makes really good money. has everything good happen to him. Got introuble at the age of 16 for marijauna... got 1 year supervised probation...Other then that been in and out of jail for beating people up but still he can afford things that normal people cant. And is always having a good luck day.
Then you have me. I have a job in which doesnt pay awhole hell of alot. Married with one kid. But I have lots of angels. Have had to deal with cancer scares and cancer for the last 5 years. Have almost lost my husband to many things. Lost alot of other people who I were close to. And my luck continues to fall. But at least I have a stable job and a family that loves me. And as far as I know.. no jail time awaiting for anyone in my family.
My mother and I dont get along if you have kind of figured. I found out that other then Cervical Cancer I have HPV which was given to me at birth by my mother. And sometimes I wish I could call her and tell her what she did. But then I realize that its making her feel my pain I want her to feel not having her back in my life and that would just bring more turmoil. Her not getting to see me our my family is probably enough pain. since she doesnt get to see her granddaughter at all.
But sometimes I do want that motherly person to be there for me holding my hand through things but when I didnt have it she made me miserable. I remember when I miscarried Cameron..She said to me why are you upset. I said mom that was a baby growing inside of me I was already attatched to it. I am suppose to be upset after loosing a child. She said well its only a embryo and it was only there for 3 months its nothing to get worked up about. When I lost Nicky she said something around the same lines and then tried to blame it on my husband. When it wasnt no ones fault that miscarriages happen except after investigating I found out that the dr was wrong and that he was the reason I lost Nicky. But if I say anything about it he says he is going to sue me over it. But its done and over with And I have memories that I would rather hold on tight ot then fight for something I think would hurt me even more.
But I miss my children And boy do i wish I was still able to get pregnant.. That is still one of my biggest regrets is getting my tubes tied. I loved being pregnant I just hated the fact of having to go through the loosing process. Pregnancy was the best thing for me and unlike alot of moms who love being pregnant but hate being sick I would give my right TIT just to be able to get pregnant again. But there are other things inlife that I have to worry about right now.
Love you my children.
So take my family.
Keegan (brother) he is 21 has 15 warrents for his arrest but has not been to court nor has he been in jail yet for any of these warrents. Tried to kill me many times. Still free. Has somewhat a great life. has two kids from one girlfriend not married. makes really good money. has everything good happen to him. Got introuble at the age of 16 for marijauna... got 1 year supervised probation...Other then that been in and out of jail for beating people up but still he can afford things that normal people cant. And is always having a good luck day.
Then you have me. I have a job in which doesnt pay awhole hell of alot. Married with one kid. But I have lots of angels. Have had to deal with cancer scares and cancer for the last 5 years. Have almost lost my husband to many things. Lost alot of other people who I were close to. And my luck continues to fall. But at least I have a stable job and a family that loves me. And as far as I know.. no jail time awaiting for anyone in my family.
My mother and I dont get along if you have kind of figured. I found out that other then Cervical Cancer I have HPV which was given to me at birth by my mother. And sometimes I wish I could call her and tell her what she did. But then I realize that its making her feel my pain I want her to feel not having her back in my life and that would just bring more turmoil. Her not getting to see me our my family is probably enough pain. since she doesnt get to see her granddaughter at all.
But sometimes I do want that motherly person to be there for me holding my hand through things but when I didnt have it she made me miserable. I remember when I miscarried Cameron..She said to me why are you upset. I said mom that was a baby growing inside of me I was already attatched to it. I am suppose to be upset after loosing a child. She said well its only a embryo and it was only there for 3 months its nothing to get worked up about. When I lost Nicky she said something around the same lines and then tried to blame it on my husband. When it wasnt no ones fault that miscarriages happen except after investigating I found out that the dr was wrong and that he was the reason I lost Nicky. But if I say anything about it he says he is going to sue me over it. But its done and over with And I have memories that I would rather hold on tight ot then fight for something I think would hurt me even more.
But I miss my children And boy do i wish I was still able to get pregnant.. That is still one of my biggest regrets is getting my tubes tied. I loved being pregnant I just hated the fact of having to go through the loosing process. Pregnancy was the best thing for me and unlike alot of moms who love being pregnant but hate being sick I would give my right TIT just to be able to get pregnant again. But there are other things inlife that I have to worry about right now.
Love you my children.