The Ship of Doom, earlier

The gathering looked at the new holo deck controls with interest. “What happened to the old holo deck” asked EBZM, curiously.

The quartermaster chuckled. “I sold it to Zoshan the Quartermaster of the MWS Manifest Destiny”. The gathering burst into raucous laughter. CypherPax even rolled on the ground with mirth. Pontius spluttered his beer, but didn’t drop it. “Gosh Quartermaster KitWarrior, that was truly evil” said Pontius. KitWarrior looked abashed: “Well…Ever since the holodeck got stuck in that bizarre western adventure, it wasn’t much fun at all!”.

“Serves the buggas of Brutopia right” sneered EBZM. Pontius glared at him: “EBZM, show a bit of respect to the drongos. Use their proper name”. EBZM shrugged: “Alright, serves the happy People’s Republic of middle America right”.

Spymaster Gerakken caressed the holodeck controls and turned to Pontius. “Ah, Captain. Can I be the Cardinal next. You can be the Sun King. Pleaaaase….”. He tried not to whine.

“Of-course gunner” said Pontius, keeping the tremor of excitement from his rich voice.


Notes:
1 I should advise any teenagers reading this that bank robbery (even from pirates of their ill-gotten gains) is not condoned by the writer.
2 The Fellowship of the Ring Ethics Committee later admonished Dropbear for his actions.
3 Pontius’ nickname is in fact Wigglewam and not Pookie.
4 Pontius has in fact often done two things at the very same time.
5 Gerakken does not use or condone makeup on blokes.
6 Married couples are not generally funny, but can cause amusement.
7 Solid mahogany is still fashionable.
8 Mrs Pax did not, in fact, pay off the Visa bill.
9 The Ship of Doom was later sold for scrap to a Singaporean business, and now languishes in Singapore harbour.

CypherPax stood in the Officer’s Lounge on the survey ship of DOOM. He stood misty eyed as he watched the holovids of the victories of the legendary Staffa. It was a bitter sweet occasion as the greatest general ever to sail the stars of the metaverse had retired and his captain, Pontius, and the great and powerful wizard, Ray the Wanderer battled it out for the mantle of Overlord of the Galaxy. CypherPax hoped that Staffa’s retirement would be as brief as the great 20th century basketball player, Michael Jordan, but he senses that Staffa had nothing left to prove… The junior member of GROSS (such as himself) would have to step up rather than continue to ride the shoulders of giants.

Staffa sat in at a table in the corner of the room, few dared to approach, though other metaverse legends had gathered to pay their respects. CypherPax was interrupted from his thoughts by the laughter of a group of animals sitting in front. He glanced up to see the holovid interrupted by a clip of Misty Hymen in a bathing suit. The animals hollered, Cypher was surprised he noticed as the animals had been carrying on like that all night. The members of ANZAC had recently discovered superpowers and were on the verge of creating a new super-powered empire. Cypher hoped that this meant the endless pranks would end, but he also new this was not the case.

CypherPax took a moment to survey the room, the Metaverse had become a more interesting place over the past few weeks and for this momentus occasion almost all the empires had been invited onto the Survey Ship of Doom. the undead had been invited, but they hadn’t even bothered to reply.

A group of wizards and elves occupied one of the smaller tables. Cypher knew that their small number was not an indicator of their strength. Cypher wanted to say ‘hello’, but he dared not approach. When he had entered the metaverse, there were only two themed empires, but unlike the happy-go-lucky prirates he fell in with, you had to wait to be approached by the great wizard, Ray the Wanderer. The Fellowship was a much more friendly, open place now, but Cypher still did not feel comfortable approaching.

Another small table held a strange assortment of creatures dressed in robes. This was the new, rising empire of the Jedi Republic. The Old Republic has been crushed in the clone wars by G.R.O.S.S. The Jedi Republic had risen out of the ashes and an uneasy peace had arisen. The Jedi seemed a decent folk, but they would need to be watched.

The ancient guilds were represented as well. The Gamma Troopers stood by the bar speaking casually about how they had changed the very fabric of the universe in an effort to make it more to their tastes. The wizards and jedi might be powerful, but to G.R.O.S.S. knowledge neither could modify the universe, or stamp out tears in the Matrix know as ‘bugs’. The wizards had recruited a powerful alchemist, but his powers were still largely unknown to the pirates of G.R.O.S.S.

A collection of men dressed in the martial uniforms of ancient earth occupied several tables. The warriors of Apolyton drank much and spoke loudly of past glories. They never seemed to speak of Galactic Civilizations, which seemed fortunate, because they legion could have easily be a greater threat than even the undead.

A hush few over the room, the creator of metaverse, and the leader of the mysterious Arnor, Frogboy, took the podium. Frogboy recounted the many legends of Staffa. He related how Staffa was so good that the Precursors believed he was cheating at first. No mortal could be so good a general. Frogboy how like the Greek Gods, he presented Staffa with an unbeatable challenge by increasing the difficulty of Maso. When Staffa prevailed and shared his tactics with other mortals, the deck was further stacked by attempting to counter these strategies. The room was in awe, many of the newer overlords were in awe – they had no idea of the trials Staffa had endured and hadn’t even heard of Sergey a legendary rival and Staffa’s nemesis – who hadn’t survived all of the tinkering with the metaverse.

The next speaker was Plephart. A small party from the MWC had been admitted as a matter of détente. His remarks were terse, but he acknowledged Staffa as not only the best player in the metaverse, but the best player from the Mid-West. A gasp came out of the crowd as he recounted how he had almost tricked G.R.O.S.S into merging with the MWC. Pontius could not take anymore and quickly ushered the farmer off the stage….

Finally, the moment everyone had been wating for had arrived. Staffa was going to speak and presumably pass his mantle as Overlord of the Galaxy to Pontius, though Pontius would need to work hard to keep this prize away from Ray the Wanderer.

Just as Pontius was about to speak, KitWarrior came in and tapped CypherPax on the shoulder.

‘Cypher, you’re the watch captain for this shift. Be careful, I thought I heard something below deck. You better get down there…. I sent Darth Bob and StealthFrequency down to check it out – and if it is nothing, it would create a diplomatic situation if Stealth Frequency made a guest walk the plank because he made a wrong turn looking for a head.’

Just as KitWarrior stopped speaking, Cypher’s emergency pager went off. Cypher rushed out of the room… wishing he could have stayed for the rest of the proceedings. Cypher didn’t think anything was seriously wrong… who would dare disrespect Staffa enough to try something during his party. In a second, a terrible thought crossed his mind, the Euros and the Undead were not present… what if they were using this opportunity to wipe out the galactic leadership core. Even worse, they could be a tool for an empire that was present. Perhaps, he was just overreacting.

Cypher wished he could call on Gerakken, as a G.R.O.S.S senator he could not pull him out of the proceedings without creating a stir…

~SDC~
[Message Edited]

Yes, on hindsight, I should be made the empire an 'Open' one right from the start. I got too influenced by my previous participation in Imperia Galactica which was Invite only.

HAHAH the idiot troll rears his head again. What did the mwc do add our famous "Oh all real men should be empires of one hypocrite?"

Bwahahahaahahahahhahaha Yup, they sure did!!!!! OH my.!!! An appropriate hilarity. Wait till they find out the "Manifest Destiny" was manufactured in Cambridge Mass. But actual history is lost on them. LOL LOL LOL

Happy Retirement Staffa, If indeed you're retired. The best Midwestern Player ever. Indeed, the best player ever.




If ever there was evidence of a shelf life, Imperia Gallactica is it.

Imperium Galactica is much more expansive than Galciv's and It is far more complex . There is nothing that galciv's has that Imperium Galactica doesn't have. Plus IP has better in-depth gaming, graphics, AI, ect. Imperium galactica is what truely challenges one's ability to rule an empire. The world of Imperium Galactica just took a turn for the worst and it was too difficult for people to conprehend. People usually dislike games that they don't know how to play. Bottom line-There is no reason why anybody should hate Imperium Galactica 2 (unless it's too hard) *sniker*. LOL

Imperium Galactica is much more expansive than Galciv's and It is far more complex . There is nothing that galciv's has that Imperium Galactica doesn't have. Plus IP has better in-depth gaming, graphics, AI, ect. Imperium galactica is what truely challenges one's ability to rule an empire. The world of Imperium Galactica just took a turn for the worst and it was too difficult for people to conprehend. People usually dislike games that they don't know how to play. Not to put down galcivs but all of what I said is indeed true. Bottom line-There is no reason why anybody should hate Imperium Galactica 2 (unless it's too hard for ya) *sniker*. LOL

Yo. Look down the empires page a bit. I was referring to the Galciv empire by that name rather than the game.

But I do scoff at the idiocy of your "You don't like this game because it's too hard argument." A variant can be found on the moo boards "You're just not smart enough to like moo" Both are totally juvenile, lame arguments without any logical validity to them at all. I could just as equally and gratuitously say "Well you're not smart enough to see the depth that truly is Galciv." Of course that gets us no where now does it?

It would appear that the rumors of Staffa's retirement are premature.... Welcome back to first place. It just didn't seem right not chasing you up there.

Congrats everyone again on a fine job.

I'm gonna turn in early tonight.

Arrgh. Ugggh.... Dang didn't anyone feed threadzilla? She nearly took my arm off.

Sorry, boss. I have been on a lot of missions lately and have been sorely lacking in helping to feed her. We have a lot of potential troublemakers to look after in other empires, you know!

Maybe I can assign more duties to those lazy espionage droids of mine, Fog and Shadow. Reprogramming captured Yor equipment is a real pain. They really have a mind of their own still.

Fog, Shadow c'mere. YOu see Gerakkin here. If you don't follow his orders to the letter, than I captain Pontius, am going to turn you into a toaster. Either that or sell you to the drengin for furnace fuel.. Got it? .Good. Now here's some of that lube paste you like. Oh and the same goes for your painting droid friends Splatter and Dodge so pass the word.

Good night Gunner. Third watch is yours. EBZ reports no trouble from the Swing Shift. I'm off to bed.

Hi there boys. Just thought I'd say hi. How are you all? That's nice.

How are you Pontius? I was pleased when you hit gold for a micro-second. I felt a story coming on but then good sense took hold of me. I'll wait until the bushfires are put out before I tread the boards again.

Well, ya'all sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite.

Cypher had a long night. No sooner did he get below decks of the survey ship to check on the disturbance, but a much larger disturbance arose from the Officer's Lounge.

Staffa was not retiring, he was simply baiting Pontius and Ray - giving them each a taste of #1 only to deliver a crushing blow against the aliens and then delivering an even more daunting challenge of trying to beat him to 100K.

The assembly in the Officer Lounge was in shock and then panic started to set in.

'No one can beat GROSS when Staffa was around' was the first cry Cypher heard. A man in a spider suit glanced nervously at the Metaverse Board and muttered 'Staffa could singelehandly defeat my entire empire.'

With the exception of the Fellowship of the Ring which counted Staffa as a friend, the other empires began to shuffle quickly for the exits. The shuffle quickly turned to a rout when Pontius' Rent-A-Drendin crew burst in and started rushing people in the airlocks.
When one Mid-westerner complained that the ship we was pushed into was not his own. The Drendin replied,
'You're just lucky this airlock had a ship next to it.'

Cypher wondered why Rent-A-Drendin aboard. Then it dawned on him that the 'retirement party' was one of Gerakken's ruses and he had been asked to set it up so that no one suspected. Cypher wondered to what end the party was planned, no doubt Gerakken had something planned.

Cypher was responsible for clean up of the officer's lounge and he didn't get home until late. Mrs. Pax was waiting at the door impatiently.

'My credit card didn't work today.' she said, it was almost an accusation.

'Are you sure it wasn't just tired and needed a rest?'
quipped Cyper.

Mrs. Pax scowled and related a sad story where the credit card company insisted that card was suspended due to an investigation of fraud. She related how a big, cuddly, old bear had given her the cash to pay her credit card bill and even taken her to the bank.

'Drop Bear!' exclaimed Cypher Pax.

'I should have know that was another one of your nerdy friends. I'm going to have to pay him a visit. Which way is the zoo?' said Mrs. Pax.

Cypher Pax was afraid. Very afraid. Drop Bear's pranks paled in comparison to having to deal with an angry Mrs. Pax.

I think Drop Bear is looking for a cookie. Well I can't find any in the mess hall. Chew on this:



That has a bitter aftertaste doesn't it? tee hee

In all likelihood, jokes about King Louis XIV and other 17th Century figures won't fair well with this crew. The majority of our pirates come from the U.S. and I don't believe the public education system here builds enough depth to support European historical humor (nothing prior to WWI at least).

Don't despair, fuzzy one. You have at least one pirate busting his gut. Classical landscapes... how drool.

Ah KitWarrior, and here I was thinking someone would pull me up for mixing up the timelines of the 17th Century figures a little. Just between you and me, I've always seen your Spymaster as a Cardinal figure, so the other characters fell into place.
I have to say though, that Pontius always seems to know his history, eh Pontius?.

Yes.... Oh you mean my failure to correct your historical errors? To be honest, I just sort of skimmed over your posts without paying much attention to them. However, upon second reading, I see the guillatine is in order.

Speaking of history, do you find it a historical irony that the inventer of the guillatine was himself, guillatined?

I actually got a chuckle out of that part of the story. Kind of flattered, too. But I guess the boss isn't into the Court of Versailles thing too much. Must have been the powdered wigs. Too much for our more battle-hardened pirates.

That's more of a Frenchy and the lap poodles sort of MMorpg.

I'm outta here till later. Carry On G.R.O.S.S. ers.

Dropbear rolls his eyes. His best work yet compared to a European's mad ramblings.

Heh. I just wanted to be post #1400

~SDC~

*Schnuglezh*

Oop...

Schtill in the worng plasche....


Oh welp..... Schtill numbuh thwree nowz, creepingsh upsh onz yooz.

Bleh

Working on a game where The Aliens are set to all evil. I'm goin goody goody in this one. teehee. Then I'll do the opposite. Carry on everyone. Great Job as usual.

The Pirate Ship

Gengsta walked onto the shores of GROSS bay dressed as a young man heading home to see his family. His staff was carefully reshaped into a concealable wooden rod. His robes were left at the house of several kind peasants at the foot of the Blue Mountains. When the pirates found him walking by the sea, they readily took the bait, bound him and took him to their ship. There were five other prisoners onboard with him, and one of these five was the Drop Bear of the Freedom Force. The other four appeared to be unfortunate peasants from the surrounding lands. The six of them were tied securely to mast with little freedom to move around. They were, however, free to talk amongst themselves and observe the activities of the pirates on the deck.

Several pirates were raising the sails into the sky. A couple were securing the riggings. One pirate was at the helm guiding the ship out to sea. One pirate brought out the Jolly Roger and prepared to raise it into the sky. Many pirates were swabbing the deck and clearing off all the disgusting puke strewn about. Others were swabbing the holo deck and clearing the device of stale beer. The cook was making dinner and the quartermaster was carrying up the finest stale ale for consumption.

Long before the other pirates were finished toiling five pirates stopped working and started talking. These five were among the biggest names at GROSS and earned their posts because of their tremedous contributions. Naturally the spymaster would have to be among these five big fishes. Gengsta recognized several of them.
He had seen Pontius several times before. Now if there was a captain that loves to hear himself talk, Pontius was it. Naturally, Pontius was not the skilled spymaster since he never stopped to listen. Sitting next to Pontius was the fearsome warrior, Staffa. Staffa was the most famous name in Meta and had the most recognizable face in Meta. Because everyone recognized him so readily, Gengsta eliminated Staffa as a possibility as well. Next to Staffa was EBZ, another fearsome warrior. Gengsta decided to eliminate him for the same reason. EBZ was just too recognizable to slip around spying on other empires.
The other two pirates were named KitWarrior and Gerakkan. Gengsta was not familiar with either, but he was confident that he could eliminate one of the two as a possibility during the ensuing conversation and be left with the spymaster. Sure enough he was correct. KitWarrior showed his wild tendencies very early during in the conversation and often exploded at the slightest comments about his character. How would he take it when he heard the people at MWC name his pirate clan the number one menace to Meta? Gerakkan remained calm and cool throughout the conversation. In fact sometimes the other four pirates forgot that he was even there. What a useful skill to a spymaster.

Having determined the spymaster, Gengsta listened in to determine the reach of his spy network. Gengsta listened to every exchange, watched for every expression, and looked for other methods of communication, but he could not determine the depth of intelligence infiltration of every major empire. From what he was hearing and seeing, the reach of the spymaster was beyond comprehension. He seemed to know everything Pontius and the others wanted to know, but hinted at various times that what he was revealing was only the tip of the iceberg. This was disturbing news and Ray would probably send many members to tighten up its security around Fellowship Halls. But those tasks would be for another day. Gengsta had to figure out how to extricate himself from capture.

The pirates were very vigilant about escaping prisoners especially before dinner. After all, losing a prisoner often meant losing dinner for the pirate in charge. Thus Gengsta did not have a chance before dinner. He waited patiently with the other prisoners bound nice and tightly to the main mast of the pirate ship. Then Gengsta remembered the pirate ritual of walking the plank and realized that he would be in no danger. Guarenteed safety, Gengsta returned to pay full attention to the crazy antics of the pirates around him.

The rest of the pirates had finished their work and geared up for a evening of festivities. Gengsta pondered the foolishness of these pirates. Didn't anyone tell them drinking and sailing was a dangerous business? What would happen when the ship sailed into a storm or was blown off course into a reef? At best, GROSS might escape with losing half its crew. At worse, all forty pirates would perish. There was not any other time, Gengsta wished the pirates would just hurry up with their stupid walking the plank ritual.

What happened next was nothing anyone could have expected. Right before the opening toast was to be made by Pontius, Mrs. Pilot charged onto the deck of the ship from the lower cabins, grabbed a saber sitting next to the entrance and broke the bonds tying Drop Bear to the mast. Mrs. Pilot then proceeded to slash every keg of ale the pirates had just brought up from the hold - all nicely lined up next to each other on the deck. Everyone stared at the scene. None of the pirates dared to do anything - after all it was Mrs. Pilot. Pontius didn't dare do anything either - after all it was Mrs. Pilot. All of them just watched as beer flooded across the recently swabbed deck and spilled over the recently swabbed holo deck and they watched as Mrs. Pilot picked up Drop Bear and charged back into the lower decks.

The ensuing five minutes were total chaos. Some pirates scrambled to drink up the ale from the deck. Some attempted to empty their full skein and ladle some from the floor. The general reaction was a deafening weeping from the majority of the pirates. Many started fighting each other for full skeins. Some charged over to Pontius and demanded an explanation. A few held their cool long enough to get smashed in the head with a wooden plank.

The ferocious fighting was ended about three minutes later when Gerakkan yelled from the entrance to the lower cabins, "Don't we have a hundred more kegs in the hold?"
The pirates looked at each other puzzled for a minute and realized he was right. All of them then proceeded to trample over Gerakkan on their way to the hold.

Many pirates had been bloodied from the fierce fighting, but it wasn't anything alcohol couldn't take care of. Every pirate that went into the hold carried back an entire keg of ale. Pontius determined to show his mateys that he was still in control decided that he would attempt to kill a keg by himself. The pirates cheered as the sea captain slowly but steadily drained a keg of its contents. The effect, of course, was quite the opposite of the intent. Not only did Pontius lack control over everyone else was doing on the ship, he also lacked control over his own actions. After about half an hour of not comprehending anything that was happening, the sea captain went to his quarters and passed out.

Meanwhile on the deck of the ship, the pirates continued to carouse as heartily as ever. They started bringing the prisoners up to the plank to make them walk. Stealthfrequency, the one holding the rapier, was quite drunk and could not balance himself on the plank well enough to prod the prisoners into jumping. Two prisoners ended up languishing on the very edge of the plank contemplating their choices for minutes on end before finally taking the plunge. Gengsta was the fourth one brought to the plank and Stealthfrequency was in no better condition than before. However, Gengsta was very quick about his ordeal. He walked to the end of the plank, and ... floated on the air. A couple pirates looked over, rubbed their eyes, and deemed themselves too drunk to continue. Stealthfrequency was not convinced proceeded to walk the plank on his own volition. Others screamed ghost and ran to hide themselves in their covers and pirate pajamas. Many started fighting each other for any weapon they could find. A few held their cool long enough to be trampled by the crowd of fearful pirates.

Anyways Gengsta grabbed the three prisoners and Stealthfrequency from the waters and deposited on the deck, before he left for his next mission, the inspection of the MWC empire.

[Message Edited]