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I think my son has ADD and I am heartbroken.

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I think my son has ADD and I am heartbroken.

from JoeUser Forums

I'm taking my youngest in to get tested for ADD.

Jake's had issues with listening and following directions for ages.  He rarely finishes anything he starts,  he forgets things constantly, his room and his desk at school are disaster areas, he's disruptive.....sometimes when I talk to him I can almost see the words bouncing right off him.  He doesn't listen, he doesn't absorb. 

We had parent/teacher conferences last week, and his teacher brought up his lack of self-discipline and problems paying attention.  She said that she sees the same thing at school that I do at home, and that she thinks Jake has a lot of potential but she's having a hard time getting through to him and tapping that potential. She showed me some of his work...it was awful.  Instead of lining things up neatly on the left hand side of the page, he had written them everywhere.  Apparently, it happens frequently. He got C's on his report card......he got an A in math, because he likes that, but everything else was low B, or C grade. 

Tonight was a perfect example of how Jake is...he had a spelling list to practice.  We sat down, just me and him, away from everyone else, and I called out the words and he spelled them.  He got 2 wrong.  I had him write down the ones he got wrong, spell them for me without looking at them, then we took a 5 min break and came back to the word list.  Again, I called, he wrote....and he got 8 out of the 10 wrong.  Words he knew before, had got right the last time around, he got wrong this time.  That's par for the course...since the start of the school year, Jake has consistently done this.  I thought that perhaps it was the atmosphere, that it wasn't quiet enough or that I was doing it wrong....but no matter what I do, he does the same thing. 

So, my boy, my little man, is going off to the doctor next week to see what's up.  And I'm heartbroken.  It took me 3 shots of cinnamon schnapps to get up the guts to sit down and right this.  I love my boy, my baby, and I would do anything for him.....and there's such a stigma attached to having a disorder that I hate to do this to him.....but I don't know what else to do, how else to help him.

He's my son.  And I love him.

7,770 views 26 replies
Reply #26 from JoeUser Forums Top
deadzombie, I have a question for you...how did you tell your son? How did you explain to him that he had ADD? I'm going to have to tell jake why he's going to the doctor, and I'm not quite sure how to broach the subject.


First, I want to say sorry for taking so long to reply... between the election and work I've been distracted for the past 48 hours.

My wife and I told our son that God had struck him down for being bad, and the more he misbehaved the crazier he would get.




OMG! No we didn't say that! But hopefully that wasn't too twisted to bring a smile to your face. SERIOUSLY, we talked (and still do) openly with Josh about whats going on in his brain. We used a ton of analogies with him, and most of them didn't work until he was on medication and could slow down enough to pay attention longer than 2 seconds. Some of the things that seemed to strike a cord with Josh in helping him understand what was going on with him were:
1.) He wanted to know why other kids didnt need to take medicine like he did (or, why am I different Mom and Dad??) Everyone is different. Some people are tall, some people short. Some people have dark skin, some people light skin. Some people think too fast. It's normal and ok for people to be different.
2.) When he asked why he needed medicine we explained that some people need help to make their bodies work better. Just like his brother needs glasses to see better, Josh needs medicine to think better. Just like people can still see without glasses, people can still be smart without medicine... it just helps you be better. (At the time he was six, so some of these might seem a little simplified). We tied this talk into him taking his medicine everyday (which many children try to avoid). It was an easy leap for him to understand that if his brother doesnt wear his glasses every day his eyes would get worse and eventually "break". Same thing with his medicine... he has to take it every day or else theres a chance that his brain might eventually 'break'.
3.) One of Joshuas biggest questions was if he was always going to have to take medicine. It was easy for him to understand that there are some things we just don't know, like how tall he's going to grow or if its going to rain next week... we also dont know how long he'll have to take his medicine. But we promised him to always keep track of how his medicine was helping and if it someday needed to be stopped.

Josh now understands very well how his medicine helps him. Like Ive bragged many times, hes a math whiz, so those failing grades have turned into ace grades. He knows he thinks better on his medicine, and looks forward to taking it every day, and sometimes warns us when it's starting to wear off ("Dad, Im thinking too fast again." Which still breaks our heart that he knows hes going into another wild period). He also has tried to use it as an excuse for bad behaviour ("Mom, I didn't mean to punch my sister in the face - my medicine must have worn off") when of course my wife and I know its in full effect and were around the corner listening to the two of them get into a squabble, like kids do.

If YOU think of anything with Jake, let us know... we arent experts here, we've just got the experience of our own son and the research we've read from other parents in similar situations.

One last thing: Don't be afraid of medication, but do be cautious. Joshua was originally put on a 15mg prescription of (I forget the name) that gave him headaches... and we started to see him completely zone out. That obviously wasnt right for his brain chemistry. Now hes on 30mg of Adderrall which made him sleepless at first, but gives him remarkable balance of mental clarity. He still gets wild, like kids do, when hes playing. he also can come home from school, sit himself down and do his homework and bring it to me or my wife. He's fun and engaging: he's our Josh again!
Some things we've seen in Josh from his medication. First, he's learned to cope with loud noises, which used to panic him. He's also learned to play in the grass (the tactile sensation of grass used to overload him). He behaves in school, but now has more friends because he can think clear enough to speak to people in a comprehensable manner (he used to talk so fast he was difficult to understand). We still watch his diet, especially because Josh is naturally skinny, and drugs like Adderrall can cause weight loss. If we see he's lost a pound or two we usually take him off the prescription for a day or two so he regains his naturally huge appetite. He's old enough to understand that "taking medicine everyday" is balanced by the need to maintain a healthy weight.

And if Jake is ADD or ADHD, its not his fault, your fault or your husbands fault. These things happen in every family, its just people have been covering up 'crazy uncle joe' for years now...we've only become enlightened enough in the past three decades to start to openly discuss this!

Good luck, I'll be watching this article for Jakes results, whatever they may be. BTW, it took my wife a few Jack and Cokes to start to accept this... she blamed herself at first, was in denial for awhile, but ultimately shes alot like you: a great Mom willing to help her son no matter what.