He's gone :(

from JoeUser Forums
This is what i wrote on a piece of paper yesterday. The piece of paper has marks of teardrops all over. I wish so much i had a computer at home... Anyway here goes:

Well here it is. Darren is gone. To Australia for a week. No he's not going back for good. But still... I cried so much. Yesterday night. This morning. And at lunchtime before he dropped me back home an hour before his check in time. He's only going for a week i know. It's been 5 hours he's gone now. But i already miss him. And what makes matters even worse, i lost my cellphone :( Meaning i wont be able to hear his voice plus i wont be able to talk to anyone when i'm home by myself with tahitian sad songs or slow zouks to depress me even more...

*BIG SIGH* But on the one hand it's a good thing he's gone. I need to think about this weird relationship of ours... I love him. He shows every sign of a caring loving partner but says he still has feelings for his ex. How heartbreaking is that?! But yeah good thing he's gone because he can also check on his fears of sterility.

Oh Gosh i love him so much, i need him so much, here i am crying again. Maybe i should put some other kinda music on. But i dont want to. It's just right for my current mood.

For some reason the monster under my bed seems even more terrifying now that D is gone...

I dont give a damn about presents or whatever he brings back for me. I dont want them. I told him not to get me anything. I told him i'd rather he stayed, but then i said i was being selfish so go and enjoy your trip. But like i pointed out it's good that he's going in a way. I'm trying hard to convince myself i'll be alright.

A little help?
1,614 views 14 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm so sorry, sweetie. Trust me when I say I know how you feel. The best thing you can do is stay busy. The more you think about it, the more you will hurt, and the time will just drag on. Bless your heart. The cell phone thing really sucks, too. I understand the need to hear his voice.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thank you Tex. You know what i did this morning? I called his cell phone to hear his voice on the answering machine. How pathetic is that?

But as for being busy that is not a problem during the day. It's only when i go home and everything is quiet. Thats when things get bad(
Siege of Centauri
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I called his cell phone to hear his voice on the answering machine. How pathetic is that?


I have 43 (no kidding) messages saved on my answering machine -- they are all messages he's left when I haven't been home to catch his call. I won't erase them. I can't. You're not pathetic at all -- either that or we both are, he he he!

But as for being busy that is not a problem during the day. It's only when i go home and everything is quiet. Thats when things get bad


Go out with friends, rent some movies, do something! Too bad you don't have a computer at home . . .
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Yesterday i was curled up in bed and the only thing i really wanted to do (besides hold him) was get on JU. But yeah tonight i really need to plan something otherwise i'll go insane. You are so lucky to have your children with you Texas Wahine. I'm sure they keep your spirits high even when they're up for trouble heh

Movies sound good, problem is i might choose a sad sad movie ... Going out with friends, hum, my purse wont agree with that idea till tomorrow when i get paid.

But i'll try not to be too lonely tonight.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
You are so lucky to have your children with you Texas Wahine. I'm sure they keep your spirits high even when they're up for trouble heh


I am very blessed. The upside is that I'm never alone. The downside is . . . I'm never alone.

But i'll try not to be too lonely tonight.


I know it's hard, sweetie. You're a strong woman, though, and he'll be back in your arms again before you know it. I wouldn't worry too much about relationship issues (though I know you can't help it -- separation does that), just try to stay distracted. Best wishes and *hugs*.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

have 43 (no kidding) messages saved on my answering machine -- they are all messages he's left when I haven't been home to catch his call. I won't erase them. I can't. You're not pathetic at all -- either that or we both are, he he he!


Well, I used to do the same thing.  Just hearing 'i love you' at the end of the call.....that was awesome.


I still have one saved on my cell phone.


IG, he will come back.  Of all people, Tex and I know how much what you're going through right now sucks....and i'm here if you need me.

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
You don't want to hear this, but toughen up lady! Live it up. Spread yourself out across your whole bed. Eat too much, his portion too. Fart, let one rip and laugh about it. He won't hear it! Then he'll be back and you'll have those moments where you can't stay off each other, and hopefully all your farts will be out of ya by that point...hehe.

ll
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thank you dharma. Its funny but when he was here i was so sure it wouldnt bother me when he'd go, and then came the time to say goodbye and it just broke my heart

LeapingLizard, i've told myself that now is the time to do all the things i rarely do, like taking care of my skin, take extra long baths, get feet scrubs or whatever. But if i have no one to impress then whats the point. Heh, i'll think about the farting though As for the bed i had to sleep on the side with one pillow behind my back one pillow to cuddle and one pillow between my tighs to recreate the spooning... I miss him
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sorry to hear about your boyfriend being gone..I am involved in a long distance relationship ...It is very hard...havent seen him since September...won't see him again until Christmas time...We are planning to get together permanently very soon...but until then...we have to settle for kisses and conversations over the phone...I can't go a day without hearing his voice, and when I do have to go a day without hearing him, it really sucks, and yes, I admit I have cried into my pillow because of this sometimes...
Hope you get through his absence. He'll be home sooner that you know it.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
I have 43 (no kidding) messages saved on my answering machine -- they are all messages he's left when I haven't been home to catch his call. I won't erase them. I can't. You're not pathetic at all -- either that or we both are, he he he!


He me too! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one!

You are so lucky to have your children with you Texas Wahine

The upside is that I'm never alone. The downside is . . . I'm never alone


wow. i'm glad I saw this....I'm not the only one!

Listen, You will be okay. Use this time to get something done that you never want to do when he is around. I usually end up cleaning out a back closet or soemthing because when he is home, I just want to be with him. So use your time productively and when he comes home you will have a cool project to show off....
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey IslandGirl...

Sorry to hear your feeling this way.. You have been a beautiful person thinking of me when I have been down and now know I am thinking about you when your feeling blue too.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... sounds good but it hurts alot when your going through it. Big HUGS to you!!
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Inbloom - Thank you for your comment. I didnt know your boyfriend was away? What does he do? How far away is he? Mmhh, sorry too many questions hey... But yeah i really cant wait for when he comes back!

lifehappens - guess we're all on the same boat this days huh? But yep i'll follow your advice, i think i'll do lots n lots of clean up!

Phoenixboi - YOU ARE SO SWEET! Man, your comment was so nice it really brought tears to my eyes, but i'm at work so i have to keep them dry... Thank you so much for caring. I really feel stupid for feeling like that when others are going through so much more. You know, you are an inspiration.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
islandgirl...he and I met over the internet...we both didn't expect it...but it happened! We have been together for almost two years, and will be moving in together very soon (hopefully sometime early next year if things go as planned). We've been through tough times, but we've been able to get through them, and are very much in love...we do see each other as much as possible. Even though we talk almost everyday, I miss his presence very much. We spent most of our summer together, and I cannot wait to see him for the Christmas holiday .
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Heh, sounds like a fairy tale Well i really hope everything goes as planned and you get to move in together. Maybe we'll hear about a wedding in the future

The talking does alot, i think you should keep it going. I found my phone today. I had left it at a friends house, i cant wait to finish work so i can have a chat with him. I cant believe i'm being such a dramaqueen when he's only gone for this short time!

But, yeah, the Christmas day is just around the corner so it wont take too long now for you too