Banned for being short on hair and long in the tooth.

Banned and banned again because......mine hair is very long and for long in the tooth....I'll get back to you on that one.

banned for toothless and shorted

Orright, then.... banned for being long of hair and short on teeth.

Banned for a toothless zipper catches no skin... no matter how short it is.

banned for being zippery when wet

Banned for the big OUCH!

Banned for it only hurts once... it just depends for how long it is. 

And no, that was NOT a penis size pun... I was referring to the period of pain.

And no, that wasn't a reference to..... oh, never mind.

banned for referencing things

Banned for I wasn't referencing... quite the opposite, in fact.

Also, banned for hopping on the banned wagon and not checking tyres.

Banned for airing personal experiences.

Banned for reading my diary.

banned for diary

Banned for leaving yours where I could read it... though it was as boring as bat shit 'til page 10. 

Reading about your sexual proclivities from page 11 was  similar to 50 Shades of Gray and therefore a little more tolerable.

banned for only going 50 pages

Banned because pages 51 through 73 have been scrutinized by FBI/NSA/CIA/TSA/TTATOT and have been determined to be unsuitable for children under the age of 90.

*the horse that can't get up can't get out lol*

Banned because I went the whole nine yards... even reading the bits about auto-eroticism [which it was mostly about] and handcuffing yourself to a bedhead to simulate bondage situations to achieve a 'high'.

Banned for divulging the secrets of the horse and giving it an inferiority complex in front of his donkey friends.

Banned for hee hawing in public.

Banned because I'm tired of being woken by cantankerous old farts making animal noises at ungodly hours.

Fortunately, I'm a forgiving cantankerous old fart and will excuse you this time... just don't go impersonating mating elephants next time I'm trying to sleep... the noise would be unbearable'

banned for going to far

Banned for only half the distance...  cos ya gotta go there and back to see how far it is.

banned for not using ocular distance measure technology

Banned for being within spitting distance ... which is 5 cubits in Biblical terms, or just a tad longer than a piece of string.

Banned for stringing along the......um........strings.

Banned for stringing together ill-fitting sentences to make a point. 

BTW, I hope that point hasn't been sharpened... could be dangerous, otherwise.