Banned for shouting at the leopard because you didn't believe it was deaf.

banned for depending on a one armed drummer to carry you through

Banned cos my one-armed drummer can wipe the floor with most drummers.

banned for banning the unbanned banner

Banned for the ban on the man who stilled the water.

banned for leaving the watering hole uncovered again

banned for sticking a lid on it and charging people 50c for a drink of water.

banned for not letting my capitalistic urges exude 

Bann3d for exuding impure thoughts during church on Sunday.

banned for a poor understanding of how boring church is

Banned for attending boring places and bitching about it afterward to the poor unsuspecting souls whose sensitive ears took a noise blast at the point of your painstaking delivery.

banned for going deaf and blaming it on others

Banned for being one of those 'others' who doth protest too much.

banned for being too much

Banned for being not enough in a competitive world that does not reward slackers for passing the buck.... and any other loose change.

banned for succumbing to capitalistic urges and suppressing those with that are not nearly as well endowed with drive as you

Banned for a brazen public display of business acumen and posing as an accountant with a penchant for Penny pinching.

I reckon you should oughta leave that woman's backside alone afore her hubby turns up.

banned for turning up at the wrong time

Banned for turning the precipitation around here to snow.

It hasn't done it in around 50 years or more, but it is snowing quite steadily here in Launceston Tasmania.  I'm told, though, that it never used to settle, but this time it is settling and is around 4 inches deep at present.

The last time I saw snow was in 1990 when I went to New Zealand for 3 weeks.  Before that it was in 1968 in the UK.

banned for blaming me for climate cooling

Banned for blaming global warming on Arctic inhabitants because they light fires inside their igloos to keep warm.

banned for throwing pogs in the river

Banned for getting into a kayak and singing 'we're all hippos rowing down the river'

banned for spending your money on bills

Banned for blaming Bill for the hole in your wallet that was leaking bucks into the wild.