Fair warning-- I'm a bitch.
My response to your response.
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
My darling Jeff,
I love you and I have PMS. I realize that anything I say can and will be used against me.
Forgive me in advance.
I do not “tell” you to get a better job. You bartend on Wednesday nights and you are a doorman on the weekend. I have only suggested that you find another bar to work at on the weekends because we both know you are selling yourself short. I thought that was considered encouragement. I thought we had similar feelings about this. I stand corrected. Next time I “tell” you what to do, please call me on it. I had no idea this was happening.
You told me before I moved in with you that I didn’t have to work if I didn’t want to. Your unemployment was enough to take care of the bills, you said. For the record, I am looking for work. You saw me drop off an application just the other day. I am very uncomfortable with the idea that I will have to walk to work in this neighborhood and you know that. But I’ll do whatever it takes to make this run smoother. I have been enjoying my time off, and honestly, I was hoping you would find a way for me to go to college and not have to work, but I can see that isn’t going to happen for me right now. Please help me to find a reasonable compromise here. Please help me think of alternatives so that I don’t have to walk to work at night.
I am well aware of how and why our last discussion ended.
Yes, communication is still an issue. The reason that I have started to walk away from you and “hide” is because you have asked me not to raise my voice, not to argue, and not to start a fight when you say something that is hard for you to say. You told me that if I get angry and start an argument then you will stop talking to me. I am walking away so that I can calm down and sort out my thoughts and feelings and not just let my anger and hurt feelings consume me. I don’t know how you expect me to deal with my feelings, but right now I am altering my reactions to suit your needs and that makes me feel like my natural responses and emotions are being belittled in some way. Communication is a problem and yet you are asking me not to communicate in the only way I know how. Ideally, how would you like for me to react when you discuss your negatively saturated, destructive and bitter journal entries with me? What is the solution here?
“we both know I don't have a goddamn decent friend to speak of...or to...”
It is not my fault that your best friend hit on me. I am so terribly sorry that it happened. I couldn’t possibly feel worse about it. You know that I’ll do whatever it takes to help you two heal your friendship. Please don’t make me feel any worse about it.
If you prefer to hide behind your journal, that’s your business. I hope you have the courage to tell me your thoughts and feelings. It is sad to me that you can spill your guts in a secretive little book, and not tell your wife what is really going on with you. I would like to move forward with you into a new level of honesty and transparency and I believe that journal is only holding you back… but it is ultimately your decision to make.
Can’t means won’t. You’re right. I understand that your allergies are a problem and I am willing to do almost anything to help you deal with that. But I won’t get rid of my dog. I know that is harsh. I understand why that would make you think you are #2 in my life. If you really want to know the truth, you are #3. My relationship with God is #1, then ME, and #3 is my FAMILY. You are the most important person in my life. You are my husband. I love you. I worship the ground you walk on. We were made for each other. You are perfect for me. Every problem we have is a blessing, a challenge, and an opportunity for us to grow closer together.
Charlie is also considered family. I’ve raised him since he was a baby and he’ll be 4 yrs old next month. I adore him. I will not get rid of him. Please do not ask me to make that decision again. I’m sorry if that hurts you. It hurts me that my lover continually pressures me to get rid of my companion instead of doing everything in his power to lessen his problem and make sure he never had to ask me to do such a thing.
Our apartment is 500 something square feet… Our carpet is DISGUSTINGLY filthy. No vacuum could ever get this shit clean enough. I am the only one who ever cleans your tobacco smoke blackened air filter. You smoke like 2 packs of reds a day. Everything is covered in a thick layer of dust and dead skin. There is mold in the ceiling that is making us both sick. You refuse to let our bedroom be an animal-free room. You think I’m crazy for wanting hardwood flooring. You use walgreens brand antihistamines and an emergency inhaler. We eat greasy fast food for almost every meal and we drink more cokes and coffee than should be legally allowed. People WITHOUT allergies would be suffering with a lifestyle like ours. How can you pinpoint your problems on the pets alone? And how can you not want to fix everything else that is wrong with this picture?
Here are a few things that might help:
When our lease is up at the end of the month- moving into a bigger apartment or renting a house with a backyard, and/or hardwood floors (because they are better for ppl with allergies, I’ve heard). Or vacuuming more often, and getting a bagless vacuum with a hepa filter, keeping the air filter clean, eliminating mold!, dusting far more often, keeping our linens clean, quitting smoking, or smoking outside from now on, keeping animals out of the bedroom, using special dander reducing products on the pets, stop holding and kissing the cat, getting you on better medicine and using the appropriate inhaler for your asthma, eating better! exercising! and drinking more water! and... if you want, we can find a home for Trinity.
I’m not concerned with your jealousy. I think it’s cute. It’s kinda cool to see you get your feathers ruffled a little… Just know this- You are what I want. Now and forever.
I love you. I couldn’t sleep. I feel like hell. I hope I haven’t hurt you, but I wanted to respond without censoring my feelings. I appreciated how open you were in your response. I know that we can get through this. I’m so grateful to be your wife. Thank you for being such an amazing husband.
All my love,
Joon
I love you and I have PMS. I realize that anything I say can and will be used against me.
Forgive me in advance.I do not “tell” you to get a better job. You bartend on Wednesday nights and you are a doorman on the weekend. I have only suggested that you find another bar to work at on the weekends because we both know you are selling yourself short. I thought that was considered encouragement. I thought we had similar feelings about this. I stand corrected. Next time I “tell” you what to do, please call me on it. I had no idea this was happening.
You told me before I moved in with you that I didn’t have to work if I didn’t want to. Your unemployment was enough to take care of the bills, you said. For the record, I am looking for work. You saw me drop off an application just the other day. I am very uncomfortable with the idea that I will have to walk to work in this neighborhood and you know that. But I’ll do whatever it takes to make this run smoother. I have been enjoying my time off, and honestly, I was hoping you would find a way for me to go to college and not have to work, but I can see that isn’t going to happen for me right now. Please help me to find a reasonable compromise here. Please help me think of alternatives so that I don’t have to walk to work at night.
I am well aware of how and why our last discussion ended.
Yes, communication is still an issue. The reason that I have started to walk away from you and “hide” is because you have asked me not to raise my voice, not to argue, and not to start a fight when you say something that is hard for you to say. You told me that if I get angry and start an argument then you will stop talking to me. I am walking away so that I can calm down and sort out my thoughts and feelings and not just let my anger and hurt feelings consume me. I don’t know how you expect me to deal with my feelings, but right now I am altering my reactions to suit your needs and that makes me feel like my natural responses and emotions are being belittled in some way. Communication is a problem and yet you are asking me not to communicate in the only way I know how. Ideally, how would you like for me to react when you discuss your negatively saturated, destructive and bitter journal entries with me? What is the solution here?
“we both know I don't have a goddamn decent friend to speak of...or to...”
It is not my fault that your best friend hit on me. I am so terribly sorry that it happened. I couldn’t possibly feel worse about it. You know that I’ll do whatever it takes to help you two heal your friendship. Please don’t make me feel any worse about it.
If you prefer to hide behind your journal, that’s your business. I hope you have the courage to tell me your thoughts and feelings. It is sad to me that you can spill your guts in a secretive little book, and not tell your wife what is really going on with you. I would like to move forward with you into a new level of honesty and transparency and I believe that journal is only holding you back… but it is ultimately your decision to make.
Can’t means won’t. You’re right. I understand that your allergies are a problem and I am willing to do almost anything to help you deal with that. But I won’t get rid of my dog. I know that is harsh. I understand why that would make you think you are #2 in my life. If you really want to know the truth, you are #3. My relationship with God is #1, then ME, and #3 is my FAMILY. You are the most important person in my life. You are my husband. I love you. I worship the ground you walk on. We were made for each other. You are perfect for me. Every problem we have is a blessing, a challenge, and an opportunity for us to grow closer together.
Charlie is also considered family. I’ve raised him since he was a baby and he’ll be 4 yrs old next month. I adore him. I will not get rid of him. Please do not ask me to make that decision again. I’m sorry if that hurts you. It hurts me that my lover continually pressures me to get rid of my companion instead of doing everything in his power to lessen his problem and make sure he never had to ask me to do such a thing.
Our apartment is 500 something square feet… Our carpet is DISGUSTINGLY filthy. No vacuum could ever get this shit clean enough. I am the only one who ever cleans your tobacco smoke blackened air filter. You smoke like 2 packs of reds a day. Everything is covered in a thick layer of dust and dead skin. There is mold in the ceiling that is making us both sick. You refuse to let our bedroom be an animal-free room. You think I’m crazy for wanting hardwood flooring. You use walgreens brand antihistamines and an emergency inhaler. We eat greasy fast food for almost every meal and we drink more cokes and coffee than should be legally allowed. People WITHOUT allergies would be suffering with a lifestyle like ours. How can you pinpoint your problems on the pets alone? And how can you not want to fix everything else that is wrong with this picture?
Here are a few things that might help:
When our lease is up at the end of the month- moving into a bigger apartment or renting a house with a backyard, and/or hardwood floors (because they are better for ppl with allergies, I’ve heard). Or vacuuming more often, and getting a bagless vacuum with a hepa filter, keeping the air filter clean, eliminating mold!, dusting far more often, keeping our linens clean, quitting smoking, or smoking outside from now on, keeping animals out of the bedroom, using special dander reducing products on the pets, stop holding and kissing the cat, getting you on better medicine and using the appropriate inhaler for your asthma, eating better! exercising! and drinking more water! and... if you want, we can find a home for Trinity.
I’m not concerned with your jealousy. I think it’s cute. It’s kinda cool to see you get your feathers ruffled a little… Just know this- You are what I want. Now and forever.
I love you. I couldn’t sleep. I feel like hell. I hope I haven’t hurt you, but I wanted to respond without censoring my feelings. I appreciated how open you were in your response. I know that we can get through this. I’m so grateful to be your wife. Thank you for being such an amazing husband.
All my love,
Joon
