Music Review: Cher Lloyd "Swagger Jagger"

Cher Lloyd

Swagger Jagger

Album: Sticks + Stones

Year: 2011

          Cher Lloyd believes she’s the most awesome person alive in the horrible             “Swagger Jagger.”

                Part of the chorus opens the single. She says people need to stop copying her. First, they have to start earning some money to keep up and learn how to act. Tone deaf synths start, setting a clangerous tone. It also samples “O My Darling Clementine.”(“Swagger jagger, swagger jagger/You should get some of your own/Count that money, get your game up/Get your game up, get your, get your, game up.”)

                   She says she has the press in a frenzy, each wanting a photo of her. It imediately raises their page views.  They are making money off her. Seriously, (“You can't stop looking at me, staring at me, be what I be/You can't stop looking at me/So get up out my face/You can't stop clicking at me/Writing 'bout me, tweeting 'bout me/I can't stop, it's what it gon' be/My swagger's in check.”)

                In the chorus, she tells everyone to dance. She doesn’t have any patience for the trolls on the Internet who write her mean tweets and comment how much she sucks in articles. (“Get on the floor, get, get, get on the floor/My swagger's in check/Get on the floor, get, get, get on the floor/I got it in check/Swagger jagger, swagger jagger/You should get some of your own/Count that money, get your game up/You're a hater, just let it go/Swagger jagger, swagger jagger/You should get some of your own/Count that money, get your game up/Get your game up, get your game up.”

              She checks her Youtube statistics. Her videos are constantly shared. She thinks of all the money she’s going to get. (“You can't stop shouting at me, calling at me, be what I be/You can't stop looking at me/So get up out my way/You can't stop YouTube-ing me/On repeat, runnin' this beat/You can't stop, it's funny to me/I'm laughing all the way.”)

                       The chorus is sung again.

                      In the bridge, she mocks her detractors. (“Hi hater, kiss kiss/I'll see you later/Hi hater/It was very, very, very nice to meet you.”)

                      The  chorus is sung again to end the single.

                   Lloyd is such a snotty brat it’s difficult to root for her to have any career at all. Her ego is massive but her lyrics teeny tiny. There is nothing at all to her.

                   The awful   “Swagger Jagger” should be the theme for schaudenfreude.