Why You Can't Be My Friend
The Best of Friends
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Maybe if I write of you,
I won’t feel of these that haunt me,
The best of friends,
Have they ever touched?
They’ve never really touched,
Or truly looked at each other.
What kind of friend have I been,
Sitting alone,
Stupid and smiling,
Marveling at the great depth,
All the while,
Drowning in the shallows.
How honest could I have been,
Denying you,
Me.
In everything I’ve given,
I’ve taken back just enough,
To lead you on,
To let you believe,
We are the best of friends.
All along,
I never knew,
We were lovers.
Who never touched,
Who only held each other,
Up to paralyzing assumptions and expectations,
Held each other back from social circle whispers,
The whispers I feared would deafen me.
I am a fucking coward,
A hypocrite,
Believing that,
Believing this,
That I didn’t want you.
Here is my punishment,
The nightmare of wondering,
The “what if,”
I had let this epiphany slip away,
As so much other unacknowledged beauty,
We can’t find buried in friendship.
How patient you have been to let me,
Walk each day squinting,
By your side,
And never even seeing you!
The only way you could possibly react,
As I mocked the loneliness we shared,
Was to love me.
For never being with you,
Giving you everything less than me.
I always told myself,
I had enough excuses to feel compelled to know others,
Because,
After all,
You know me,
And that’s always been terrifying.
Still is,
As I am scared to death,
Of you,
And what you might say,
At what you might do,
That we might no longer be an illusionary pair…
The best of friends.
I hope it’s never the same,
Cause I don’t want to be,
Your best friend anymore.
So tired of your selflessness,
So tired of looking everywhere else for you,
Except for where you’ve always been,
Right beside me.
I’m so tired of being,
A horrible friend,
A great enemy to your heart,
So I can only offer you to find a home in my arms,
That the best of friends,
Might forgive me.
I won’t feel of these that haunt me,
The best of friends,
Have they ever touched?
They’ve never really touched,
Or truly looked at each other.
What kind of friend have I been,
Sitting alone,
Stupid and smiling,
Marveling at the great depth,
All the while,
Drowning in the shallows.
How honest could I have been,
Denying you,
Me.
In everything I’ve given,
I’ve taken back just enough,
To lead you on,
To let you believe,
We are the best of friends.
All along,
I never knew,
We were lovers.
Who never touched,
Who only held each other,
Up to paralyzing assumptions and expectations,
Held each other back from social circle whispers,
The whispers I feared would deafen me.
I am a fucking coward,
A hypocrite,
Believing that,
Believing this,
That I didn’t want you.
Here is my punishment,
The nightmare of wondering,
The “what if,”
I had let this epiphany slip away,
As so much other unacknowledged beauty,
We can’t find buried in friendship.
How patient you have been to let me,
Walk each day squinting,
By your side,
And never even seeing you!
The only way you could possibly react,
As I mocked the loneliness we shared,
Was to love me.
For never being with you,
Giving you everything less than me.
I always told myself,
I had enough excuses to feel compelled to know others,
Because,
After all,
You know me,
And that’s always been terrifying.
Still is,
As I am scared to death,
Of you,
And what you might say,
At what you might do,
That we might no longer be an illusionary pair…
The best of friends.
I hope it’s never the same,
Cause I don’t want to be,
Your best friend anymore.
So tired of your selflessness,
So tired of looking everywhere else for you,
Except for where you’ve always been,
Right beside me.
I’m so tired of being,
A horrible friend,
A great enemy to your heart,
So I can only offer you to find a home in my arms,
That the best of friends,
Might forgive me.
