ISOC

In Search Of Companionship

from JoeUser Forums
       Wanted: One (or more, I don't care on that point) female type. Age between 16 and 60. Since I will not open up to someone I don't care about/cares for me, willing to convince me they do care. Willing to cuddle/sleep with me (key point here). Sex, kissing, etc are irrelevant, the close physical contact of someone that cares is what I'm looking for. Willing to support me until I get my head together, I am willing to help her do so. While good looks are a bonus, they are not essential, so long as she is not outright ugly (most likely not an issue, I have seen very few truly ugly people). Note to married women: fulfilling my request will most likely destroy your marriage. Not to single women: what I am asking for is not a normal boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but it could go that way over time.
       Having written this out I think it would be best if no one replied to my request. Or if they did, I refused their help. I don't think getting what I want in this situation is in my long term best interests. But that doesn't mean I don't want it all the same.
       Looking at what I'm asking for again it almost sounds like I'm looking for a mother. Yet I have one already. And if I could bring myself to be close to her, she could fulfill my request. Or maybe not, I feel like an idiot for asking for this, so it wouldn't surprise me if I had no idea what I was talking about.
2,416 views 19 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
so it wouldn't surprise me if I had no idea what I was talking about.


Herein lies the question and dilema to your "problem"?

Looking at what I'm asking for again it almost sounds like I'm looking for a mother. Yet I have one already. And if I could bring myself to be close to her, she could fulfill my request.


Perhaps, asking might help? You might just be surprise at the response.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Get out there and find that woman Danny!

You know you remind me of Darren alot, and i think i'm being for him exactly what you are looking for in a woman. So if i'm being this for him you most probably will find someone who'll be there for you too.

Just dont tell them exactly that's what you want, if Darren had asked me out saying i want this, this and this i would've told him to F.O.

Take it easy my friend. Just go out and flirt around, try every shoe until you find the one that fits you
Siege of Centauri
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
You know, any woman would be lucky to fill that position for you, danny . . . and I'm sure that beautiful, understanding woman who'll support you and snuggle you and care for you is out there waiting for you to find her. Best wishes.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
foreverserenity: I'm not sure if your questioning what I wrote or offering advice, either way you've managed to confuse me.
island_gurl12: Believe it or not, I'm really a very shy person. Flirting with real live people is not something I'm good at.
Texas Wahine: Now all I have to do is get out and look for her...
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Danny, I was attempting to offer advice, let me clear up the confusion.

If you have no idea what you're talking about, there lies your problem. You don't know what you want. But then again, yours was probably a redundant statement (or perhaps it was rhetorical?) because you're so descriptive in what you ask for, "age between 16 and 60.......Willing to cuddle/sleep with me (key point here). Sex, kissing, etc are irrelevant, the close physical contact of someone that cares is what I'm looking for...".

You stated it sounds like you're asking for your mother, but you already have one and ".if I could bring myself to be close to her, she could fulfill my request...". I was suggesting that if you were not very close to your mom, then maybe verbalizing to her, communicating more - since you're possibly not close, you might be surprise that she will respond positively to your, mother to child needs.

And there is someone for everyone out there, that's no bull. You'll find her, or she'll find you.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

Believe it or not, I'm really a very shy person. Flirting with real live people is not something I'm good at.

Practice my friend, you'll make mistakes but you'll learn from them
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
foreverserenity: My saying I didn't know what I was talking about was because I felt stupid for stating what I wanted. I do know what I want. Make sense? As for my mother, I would be surprised if she didn't respond positivly. But that's not a direction I want to go in.
island_gurl12: Ah yes, making mistakes, something I excel at, shame I can't find a way to get paid for them
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Danny:
What your asking for is not crazy. It is a need that I can understand. I am at a point where I need a female friend that will share with me the holding each other and even though I have been strangly horny the last few days, the head on my shoulders tells me that I don't need that kind of thing. In my life I have had quite a few rough spots, you could say it's been one of those washed out dirt roads that you have to have a 4 wheel drive with lots of clearance to get through. Anyhow at each really big ditch there has been a female friend there just to hold me, let me cry, scream, lash out or what ever I needed to do. This time there is no one, I had thought that one girl was going to help but, she got spooked by the situation and wants to wait till things are calmed down. ( A cheap excuse to get away)

There is a need in all of us, when we are hurting to turn to a member of the oposite sex for support. What your asking is normal, you just need to find a friend that will help you.

The shy thing.
Dude, The worst thing a woman can do in public is slap you. Go talk to some, if you get turned down or they refuse to talk it's their loss. Believe me there are plenty more out there. I think that I have stated this somewhere on JU before but here goes.

When going to a club I would get there a little early and find a table or barstool with a good vantage point to see as much of the place as possible and the door. Then I would sit and talk with friends, but not drink more than two beers ( you don't wan't to have goggles on when the women show up). As the women show up check them out, If they catch you make eye contact and smile, Don't Turn Away. Take notes, by the time the music starts you want to have 5 girls chosen that get you excited by looking at them. Don't worry about the out of my league thing, physical beauty does not put a woman out of anyones league, her attitude might. Now depending on the type of club either start with #1 and introduce yourself or ask her to dance ( knowing how to dance would be a good thing). If you get a negative response move on to #2 and so on. I have never used this method and had to go past #3 to get a dance.

Once you get a dance or start a conversation, talk to the girl. Don't spend 10 minutes flattering her, ask her about herself and try not to talk about yourself unless she asks and then give full but, short answers. It is a fact that women are more interested in a man that is interested in them than they are in a guy that only talks about himself.

Women can make a guy do all kinds of stupid things, but you have to remember that no matter how much she thinks she is in control of the situation, you are at this point. ( if all goes well you can give her control for a while later )
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
You've got some good advice TasT, but I'd have to actually go to a club type place to put it to use. Which is probably why I have the problem I do, since I don't get out much (at all).
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Danny Get off YOUR ASS you are too young to be in the state your in leave that to us older people, get out to a club, coffee house something.... Anywhere you go regularly you will make friends and friends lead to girls.

Learn to dance, I personnally find the 2 step and such a much easier dance to meet women with, it's easier for then to say yes because it's not a slow dance. I don't do the free style stuff to rock music, I just feel stupid and it's hard to talk to someone while doing that.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Danny,

You might be surprised but shyness can actually work in your favour. The problem is putting yourself out there. I used to be painfully shy around the fairer sex and still am, to a degree. There is something about women that turns me into the shy little boy I was years ago. I've learnt to overcome it my own way, as I'm sure you will. The biggest piece of advice I can give is be yourself. Be honest about who you are, what you like and don't like and what you know. Don't build yourself up to be something you're not as it will only work against you in the long run.

The other thing you might want to consider is trying to meet someone online. Given how much time you put into JU and the amount of respect a lot of JUsers have for you, I'm sure you'll be able to find someone to share your journey. I wish you all the best.

Cheers,

Maso
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
TasT: Ah, reminds me of the line "You're too old to care, You're too young to count". Learning to dance is a good idea, course learning in general is a good idea.
dynamaso: Yep, honesty is important. And I have considered meeting people online, in fact my previous relationship (as crazy as it was) started online. If/when I find someone else the odds favor meeting them online as well, since it is where I spend my time.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
You're too old to care, You're too young to count


Not really what I ment. Sorry for stating it rashly.

I ment that at your age you should be out with friends having fun and meeting people. There is enough pain around here already and I hate to see you be part of it at such a young age.

Try to get out and meet some people, talk with some girls. Maybe even try the online thing. But Dude don't spend your time in this lull that your in get out there and have fun.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top

danny, i think it's great that you're feeling the desire for warmth and closeness again. that's usually the first step to recovering from a traumatic emotional experience. i applaud your courage in being able to be so honest and, and i just know there's someone out there for you .


mig XXX

Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Man, I wish you came over to my little island paradise so i can introduce you to all my friends. We like shy people because we're all shy too

Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top

Danyy...so now you have all this wonderful advice.  What are you going to do with it?  Please, don't waste it.  Go out, and use some of it.  Leave the confines of your room, and go for a walk.  No-one's saying that you have to go from nothing to everything, you can baby step your way along.


Your desire isn't superfluous, it's a necessity.  People don't realize how important human touch is.  We all need it, from the time we're born...as any new parent can tell you, sometimes all that's needed to calm an infant is to simply hold them...to the time we die.  I can't think of how many times I've wanted someone to hold me....when i was in the hospital and Dave was gone, my doctor held me and let me cry, and it's always my first reaction to hug people when I hear they've had some bad news.


The thing is Danny, you've denied yourself this necessary thing.  I understand your reasons for shutting yourself away, but I'm telling you now (as your friend) that you have to stop....that you have to make a change, and reasonably soon.  You know I will help you....and you know that I'm not the only one that's willing. 


Your love is waiting for you to go and find her....but you have to step outside in order to do that.


much love to you, danny....from all of us at my house.

Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
TasT: I knew what you meant, I was just mentioning that what you said brought that line to mind. Is all good.
mignuna: Thanks, er, I guess that's it, no witty reply here.
island_gurl12: Where do you live again? An island near australia wasn't it? I have been thinking about moving, because there really are no good reasons to stay where I am. Course, I havn't gotten out of the thinking about and into the doing yet...
dharmagrl: Considering my history, not doing anything would seem to be the most likely response on my part. But if I keep doing what I'm doing I'll keep getting what I'm getting, so change is definetly needed. I guess... I guess I don't know what I'll do. So instead I'll grumble and complain while not doing anything to fix the problem, bad me
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Man, I wish you came over to my little island paradise so i can introduce you to all my friends. We like shy people because we're all shy too


This is the ultimate catch-22... shy people tend to go for other shy people. But, how do shy people meet one another? This is one I'm still trying to figure out myself