Falling out of love, or am I?

from JoeUser Forums
I dont know why but i have the feeling i'm falling out of love.

It's hard to explain. I dont want to fall out of love but it seems i cant help it. When i look at Darren i dont have this funny feeling at the pit of my stomach that screems he's the one anymore. I dont have my knees buckling when he calls my name anymore. My body doesnt shiver when he touches me anymore.

We still have a lot of fun doing all sorts of silly things. But it's like he's more a friend than a boyfriend.

There isn't any romance anymore. We dont go for romantic dinners anymore. We dont have bubblebaths anymore. We dont gaze in each others eyes with tender words for one another anymore. He doesnt pick flowers for me anymore. He doesnt hold my hand when we walk around anymore. He hardly puts his hand on my tigh when we go for a drive anymore. He doesnt kiss me spontaneously in front of everybody anymore.

*sigh* I need all that. I've tried to make him understand it, but maybe i didnt express it properly. He made an effort for a couple of days and then it slipt back to that sort of routine. I dont want to force him to be like that either. I think he takes me for granted.

I feel weird. I think i'm craving for love and affection. And Darren doesnt fullfill that need like he used to.

I've told a friend i might break it off. She said i was crazy, that i should work on it. She is right. But i dont know. I've tried, i told him how i felt, i even told him i didnt feel special anymore. That was a month ago, and i'm still at the same point.

I'm beginning to feel unhappy. Like i'm missing out on something better somewhere out there.

What do you think?




2,256 views 20 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think is no fun when love goes wrong
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think so too But like i said i still have loads of fun with Darren, i enjoy his company as much as before. It's just that the feelings have changed because we act more like friends than like a couple.
Elemental: Reforged
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
But is it a fun friend you would be willing to spend the rest of your life with?
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
How long have you been together? At some point the crazy in love, eat each other up kind of stuff fades but just think about if it would make you sad to not be with him anymore. If it really doesn't matter to you whether you are with him or not then maybe it wasn't meant to be.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Yeah, exactly the point Danny. I dont know what to do. Breaking up sounded like the most obvious exit, but i'm scared it might be a mistake. I'm a bit lost right now.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Locamama, i know what you mean, that's what makes it so scary. I know i'd terribly miss him, but at the same time i feel that i need morte than just that.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Think about it for a while, then when your sure take action, whatever that action ends up being, that's what I think you should do. I mean, if you break up now but regret it later you might not be able to get back together, whereas if you stay together but decide you want out later, well that should be doable. And if you stay together but decide together is where you both should be, well there you'll already be.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Is there any way you can both spend time apart without actually breaking up? Maybe that can help you think things over...who knows..maybe being away from him for a while might help you see things more clearly....might help you realize whether you really want and need him in your life or not. best of luck to you both.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Yes Danny, i think that's what i've been doing. Dont know how long i can keep doing it though.

Inbloom, i think that's a pretty good idea. But the only time i get a holiday is in April. Maybe i should try and hold on till April, then go for a holiday and finally decide whether or not we should be together.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
When you picture yourself in 5 years, is he there? CAn you picture what you look like and he looks like? Picture it quickly. Then ask yourself, what were you doing when you pictured yourself? Were you smiling, even touching? That might help ya out.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
island_gurl....

I was told by a person that I trust and care for vaery much that "Love is a decision, not an emotion. Lust is an emotion."

That is why so many marriages fail, because people don't understand that concept. You decide to love, and if you love, then you usually decide to make a commitment. That commitment should be a 100% for both of you, and if it isn't then there is something wrong with the relationship, and another MUTUAL look should be taken.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Leaping Lizard

In 5 years, I want a house, a baby, and a man. And yes i saw him in the picture. But that was a while back. I'm not too sure about it now. Now i think 5 years and there's a huge black hole that wants to suck me in. It's friggin scary, and it's even scarier knowing that i might not have Darren (or anyone) by my side.

I think i'll ask him for a week break after this weekend. The whole week we've been together (except for Tuesday night which was abit refreshing), and this weekend we're invited to a birthday party. So i'll keep it till Sunday and break the news. But that's what i'm saying now. I dont think i'll be able to do it when the time comes.

Oh God, why is life so friggin complicated???
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Silver & Jade

That concept is interesting... So you reckon if i decide to love him i can? What if i need lust to love him? Then i suppose it's not love.

I know in my mind that i love him and that i want to be with him. But something in my heart is saying i'm wrong. It's like we're bed buddies (yuck! how i hate this word!) instead of a real loving couple.

What i'm craving for is more tenderness, more cudlles, more kisses. Something to show me that he loves me. I feel unloved right now. Maybe that's what's killing the relationship.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Nonono...
that isn't what I meant.

If you have both decided to love each other...then the commitment to work things out should be there for both of you. If you need something, and he doesn't provide it, then there isn't a 100% commitment. Same as if he had something he needed, but you didn't provide.

You should both sit down, and talk about what you BOTH need from the relationship, or if you both want it to work, and are willing to give each other what each needs.

That is love.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ah thanks that sounds better silver

You are right. I just need to find the right time and have a talk with him once and for all.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ah thanks that sounds better silver

You are right. I just need to find the right time and have a talk with him once and for all.


I hope everything works out well for the both of you...

Signing off for the day...

S&JT
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks silver a Jade Tears, hope you'll find your muse again
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
Take some time off from each other but keep the communication lines open. Relationships start off in a romance phase and has to evolve to its next spiritual plane to survive. You're both approaching this crossroad. Some decisions on commitment have to be made. There's no escaping it.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
What is wrong with you? Love is not something you fall in or out of, that's infatuation, stupid. Love is a choice to endure in a relationship in an unchanging favorable manner over time regardless of the situation. Read some Shakespearean sonnets doofus!
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
scatter 629, the commitments decisions are scary for both of us, but i suppose like you said there's no escaping it.

But we've worked on us, and guess what? Sparks are flying!! YESSS! We're doing ALL the things i missed, and i realized my feelings are just the same And hopefully, he feels for me too?

And you Cheetah Butt, why dont you fuck off back to your tree???!!! I dont need no dead dude's sonnets to learn what love is, i need to experience it myself, d'oh!