Quicksilver - new US military software developer (true)

Gov't Advisor: With all this trouble in Jrar and Oorti Loreb, it looks like we are going to need a new military software developor. Please bring in the first candidate.



Gov't Advisor: What are your credentials for applying for this role?

Quicksilver: Let's see, we have previous experience in rigorous spy training regimes. We have an innovative system which allows a variety of spies to be trained in a single facility. With this technique an unprecedented one spy can be trained every four years, the only small drawback is that this software only works for one facility. Er, and the spies tend to die every 2 years.

Gov't Adviser: I think my president may have an issue with that

Quicksilver: Don't worry, with our new spy defence system, your president won't give you trouble for long....

Don't worry about that though, our building AI is also immaculate. Our building AI decides what is BEST for your military, and you don't have to worry about a thing. Soon, you'll have all the transports you'll ever need!!

Gov't Advisor: Er, we don't really need any more transports.

Quicksilver: Yes you will! The program says you need transports, so that's what you'll have. The program can't be wrong. Further, our soldiers will be tested against the best AI that money can buy. The computer is so smart, that it will wisely decide to never ever attack you no matter how weak you appear, how is that for innovative design?

Gov't Advisor: But won't our troops want to simulate real combat?

Quicksilver: Aharr, and that is where our realistic combat simulator kicks in. Dropping bombs will only damage civilian buildings and not combat troops.

Gov't Advisor: Ah, kind of like our last war.

Quicksilver: Exactly. And we have a vast amount of ground combat options.

Gov't Advisor: Great! What are they?

Quicksilver: Well there is mass assault, and vertical envelopment and pincer attacks....

Gov't Advisor: Fantastic, what's the difference?

Quicksilver: They have different names of course!!

Gov't Advisor: I see

Quicksilver: But wait! There's more. We even help prioritise what ships will be deployed in combat for you. Wait till those enemy dreadnoughts face the might of the transports of doom! Lets not scratch the paints on our carriers, when transports will do.

Gov't Advisor: Will transports beat dreadnoughts?

Quicksilver: Of course not, but don't worry, plenty more transports where they came from!

Gov't Advisor: I see.

Quicksilver: Oh, and our fantastic software also can be used to destroy the enemy's missle defence system.

Gov't Advisor: That's fantastic!

Quicksilver: onlyproblemisthatourdefencesystemagainstmisslesisalsobroken.

Gov't Advisor: What was that?

Quicksilver: Nothing.

Gov't Advisor: I see, what if there are any problems with the software?

Quicksilver: Bite your tongue! There are no problems with our software. These are all planned glitches to replicate real time war. Further, we don't plan to offer any support as we had constant reminders about deadlines.

Gov't Advisor: But, what if you're late....

Quicksilver: ARRGH. You nag too much, you ask too many questions. That's it, we're absolutely not giving any support to you now.

Gov't Advisor: I think I've heard enough. I must admit I am a little skeptical, but you do seem to fit the criteria of our other army software developers.



Checklist for next military software developer:

Costs overrun: Tick

Blatant lying about deadlines: Tick

Numerous delays and excuses: Tick

Glitchy software that is supposed to be innovative but fails to fulfil its functions: Tick


Gov't Advisor: Congratulations, you've got the job!

Quicksilver: Thanks.

Gov't Advisor: Oh, btw, can we have a manual to see how all your innovative software actually works?

Quicksilver: Sure, its full of marvelous war stories.

Gov't Advisor: It has technical details right?

Quicksilver: Er, yeah sure, don't worry about it, we'll give it to you soon.