--------------INTERMISSION--------------------

---------- A SPECIAL PROMOTION ---------------

SCOUT VICE PRESIDENT Bobo

FAN wampyre

FORMER SCOUT VICE PRESIDENT wampyre, Requests Transfers of his STATUS to Bobo.

APPROVED.

YOU were made a SCOUT VICE PRESIDENT becuse WE knew you would FIND US.

WE found YOU a LONG TIME AGO.

P.S. Do NOT bring any jars in here.

Chis,

Thats becuse that is the CLOSEST he will EVER GET!
to OUR GODDEST!

With the TERRO STAR & MM77 He don't stand a chance.

Bha....ha..ha..ha....OOPS!

-------------INTERMISSION---------------

---------------PROMOTIONS---------------

BATTLE CRUSIER VICE PRESIDENT TheQuack ( Post # 156 )

CORVETT VICE PRESIDENT forceinfinity

CORVETT VICE PRESIDENT Keith LaMothe


Nice WORK!...
[Message Edited]

-------------INTERMISSION---------------

---LESS STARDOCK & MM77 -- 129 TO 159 ---

-------------- THE TOP 10 --------------

1. Blue Ocean # 148 ( LANDMARK POST )

2. wampyre # 150

3. Greakken # 136

4. Chistopher Packer # 138

5. wampyre # 147

6. Blue Ocean # 129

7. Blue Ocean # 130

8. TheQuack # 134

9. Keith LaMothe # 146

10. Blue Ocean # 159

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!...GREAT WORK!...

CariElf,

A spark lights up my heart. CariElf dancing in my brain.

Visions of my favorite frog playing in the rain.

Frogboy brought us joy with his game.

Stardock gave us G.C. for the pain.

Love is somthing we need in this world.

Even love for a special CariElf girl.

MM77: HOW in H$!! did YOU become a BATTLE CRUISER VICE PRESIDENT! WHOS LOL LIPOP! did YOU SUCK!!!.......

Last time I checked, there was still only one president here, that narrows down the field a LOT. He's a bit of a LOL LIPOP!-head, though. His poems don't even spell CariElf like they used to

Back to business...

The Cari-Elf Fan Club Proudly Presents

C A R I - C O N

The Only Convention Experience For Any TRUE Fan

Sponsored By W.C.a.r.i.E.l.f, Stardock, and Dodgy Brothers Merchandising.


Ground rules:

a.Read the original constitution. Pay special attention to rules 3 and 4, re: fighting and
kind words.

b. The standard challenge: go up to another fan, and say "Oy, you, let's fight!". The other fan is duty-bound to respond "Them's fighting words!" and dig in. First person to say "a kind word" or get really smashed loses, and they have to go stand at the back.

c. Fans will not pick fights with convention staff. They have been issued with cattle prods, and know how to use them.

d. A "no-no" refers to a breach of the rules. The penalty for a no-no will vary, but it will usually involve cattle prods, an angry crowd, and being thrown through a window.

e. Injured people (i.e. losers) will stay at the rear, but are free to fight amongst themselves for standing positions. People who are unable or unwilling to fight will be right at the back wall, behind the losers. However, picking fights with the back wall people (or the paramedics with them) is a no-no. Winning such a fight is easy, but doesn't get you any closer to HER. So what's the point? What do you think this is, a fight club?

---

9:00 - 10:00am : Sign-in
Fair warning: the convention center has 1,000 seats. We sold a lot more than 1,000 tickets. Having a ticket gives you to right to compete for entry. It's simple: when 1000 people are still standing outside, we will open the doors. Several steamrollers will ensure that camping out overnight does not work.

10:00 - 10:30 : First aid and safety briefs
See? We care.

10:30 - 11:00 : Round 1 elimination
It's always annoying when there's some bighead in
front of you. Solve it. Use the standard challenge on
whoever's in front (if he's challenging someone already, look behind you.) Losers retire, winners get a better view.

11:00 - 12:00 : Sidekick speeches
A few of the junior staff (like Frogboy) will come along to say how great it is working with CariElf. Nothing you didn't already know, but they really begged to come, so I let them tag along. If you don't like it, there's...


11:00 - 12:00 : Poetry recital
Per our constitution, we're supposed to let people impress with pretty words. Whatever works for you, just head to the sub-basement and do your best.

11:05 : Accidental explosion in sub-basement
(if an explosion doesn't occur, contact convention staff immediately)

11:10: Second accidental explosion
(in case anyone else was late)

12:00 - 1:00 : Lunch
This is an experience, not just a convention, and we wanted you to experience the high-flying lifestyle of the computer industry. So, we've got the best cold pizza and high-caffiene cola money can buy.

1:00 - 2:00 : Round 2 elimination
That comic-book-guy lookalike next to you is really starting to stink. Issue the challenge. Loser retires. Winner gets a spot to keep his merchandise, which he'll be buying next.

2:00 - 3:00 : Trade Goods & Auction
Make your way to the trade show, where we'll have collectibles for every budget on display, from photos just waiting to be autographed, to the special edition CariElf silver dollars, all the way to secret one-of-a-kind items. Everyone will be shopping around - but taking someone else's seat while they're away is cowardly, i.e. a no-no. If you want a better seat, use the challenge. Loser gets the worst seat of the two.

3:00 : SHE ARRIVES!
You know how to worship. You know the anthem. Failure is a BIG no-no.


3:00 - 4:00 : Autographs.
The line will be orderly. Frontages/backages are no-nos. To switch places, use the challenge. When you reach The Table, step up, say your name clearly, take two steps to the left, and receive your autographed merchandise. If you have not bought anything to autograph, you will receive NOTHING. If someone else happens to sign your item instead of CariElf, you will NOT complain. Just walk away. (See the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld for more details.)

4:00 - 4:30: Final elimination.
We have some lucky door prizes, based on "random" seat
numbers. Anyone in one of the front 25 seats by 4:30 gets an autographed photo of them with HER. We have extra prizes for seats 1,2, and 3, but there's only one to find out what they are.

4:30: SHE SPEAKS!!!
Words can't express her words, so I won't even try. Just buy a ticket and you'll see.

HURRY! TICKETS STILL AVAILABLE! ORDER NOW!
[Message Edited]

TheQuack,

Your good. LOL

I have a NEW series I will post about 10 pm. I did not finnish the first chapter. I'd like You to do the SECOND if you would I LOVE YOUR WORDING.

After that Maybe SOMEONE from STARDOCK might wright a CHAPTER.

WHO KNOWS?

*****************THE-C-FILES*******************

* CODE NAME CariElf *tm.

CHAPTER ONE: THE SET UP.

* CariElf * Nah, you people don't scare me. I know it's all in good fun, and I have to say that this thread is highly entertaining.

* MM77 * FOOLS, My plans are comming alone NICELY! These GEEKS think this is ALL for FUN!...With thier FAINT HARTED post of LOVE. I WILL woo CariElf with the REAL DEAL she'll well have no CHOISE but to fall in LOVE with ME! And FINNALY! I WILL BE WITH MY TRUE LOVE!!!...

Bha....ha..ha..ha......HAY! WAIT! is that MIC on AGAIN!!!!.......

* Chistopher Packer * Hey MM77, how does Yellow Sign always get to post directly after Our Goddess? Are CariElf and Yellow Sign using the same PC perhaps??? He admits he is Evil, but we knew that because you have to do unspeakable things to get that leering red face.

* MM77 * Chis,

Thats becuse that is the CLOSEST he will EVER GET!
to OUR GODDEST!

With the TERRO STAR & MM77 He don't stand a chance.

Bha....ha..ha..ha....OOPS!

( Little dose anyone know MM77 has been working on a TELEPORT MACHINE! WHAT DASTERLY DEED is he UP to!? )

* MM77 * FOOLS! Thay have no idea I have a teleport machine I've been working on for years and NOW ITS COMPLETE!

All I have to do is turn it on when I belive CariElf is WATCHING the monitor and I can TELEPORT HER HERE!

( Meanwhile on CariElf's END )

* CariElf * Frogboy, Boogie Bac, Chistopher Packer, Yellow Sign, TheQuack, Blue Ocean, Richard Heaton, Forceinfinity, Greakken, Keith LaMothe, Bobo and ALL the REST of the CariElf FAN CLUB. I would like to Thank you all for comming HERE to PARTY! For ALL the HARD WORK ALL of YOU have done to BRITTEN UP MY LIFE, I'M THROWING this FOR YOU!

* Chistopher Packer * I WISH I could have seen the look on MM77 FACE when I said " I wounder if Yellow Sign is using the same PC " I could hardly keep a STRAIGHT FACE!

* Yellow Sign * What a DORK! THANK GOD HE's THERE! and were HERE!

* CariElf * PLEASE DON'T mention that CREEP! MY STOMOCH TURNS EVERY TIME I SEE ONE OF HIS POSTS!

* Boogie Bac * Gee I don't know I KIND of LIKE HIM.

* The Group * Boogie Bac!!!!!!!

( Back at MM77 end! )

* MM77 * I'VE FINALLY TRACED HER COMPUTER!.......HERE GOES........BHA.....ha...ha....ha............

( JUST THEN a BIG PUFF SOUND!!! ..........The smoke slowly clears MM77 see's the LOVELY CariElf laying on the floor, He runs to her. )

* MM77 * IT WORKED! IT WORKED!!

( Jsut then ALL of the SMOKED CLEARED! )

* MM77 * WHAT!!!! .........HOW DID THAY ALL GET HERE!!!!!

WELL I will worry about THAT later! I MUST TIE MY LOVES LEGS and HANDS and get out of HERE BEFORE THAY ALL WAKE UP!

( MM77 Makes a break for it WITH CariElf! LEAVING his HOME!.........SHE slowly starts to wake........ )

* CariElf * ....unnnn...whhhaaaat..HAY WHATS THAT ALLFUL SMELL!!!

* MM77 * Excuse Me MY LOVE I didn't get a chance to SHOWER.

* CariElf * EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!.......PUT ME DOWN YOU GEEK-ANDERTHAL!

* MM77 * THANK YOU MY LOVE!...most people call me a NERDANDETHAL!...But any way I can't release you until I get a chance to explain...Puff,puff AAAH MY LOVE your a LITTLE HEAVIER then I dreamed...Hee..he..

* CariElf * TWIURP!!!I only weigh 98 lbs!

( Just then her portable computer RINGS! )

* CariElf * PUT ME DOWN NOW THAT MIGHT BE AN E-MAIL FROM MOMZILLA!

* MM77 * YES DEAR.

( CariElf and Frogboy have the latest in computer TECH. With vidio/voice confrance. )

* CariElf * Frogboy HELLLLLLLLP! This CREEP! HAS ME PRISIONER!

* Frogboy * I KNEW! THAT MM77 WAS A PHONEY! I NEVER DID LIKE HIM!!!

* Boogie Bac * Gee he Seems OK with me he seems to have GOOD TAST in WOMAN.

* Group * Boogie BAC!!

* Richard Heaton * GIVE ME THAT COMMPUTER! I KNOW HOW to COMMUNICATE with that NEARDADERTHAL!...........



:notsure: :notsure:

* MM77 * :notsure: LOL (:(

* Group * WHAT HE SAY!?

* Richard Heaton * BAH.......ha...ha...ha....

* Greakken * The CAD!

* Chistopher Packer * Betrayed...I feel so VIOLATED.

* Blue Ocean * This is no time to fall apart MEN! WE MUST JOIN FORCES!....And TOGETHER WE ARE .........THE G.C. FORCE!tm.

* The G.C. FORCE * YEAAAAAAAAAH

* Frogboy * NOW let get HIM MEN! ....never did like him....( THE TRIAL by PINK FLOYD playing in the background. )

* CariElf * Have YOU EVER HEARD of TOOTHPAST!...IF I BREAK one fingernail I'LL KILL YOU!

* MM77 * YES MY LOVE.....PUFF....puff..

( CariElf could easly beat the CRAP out of MM77 she has a 5th dan. BLACK BELT in GEEK-FU. )

TILL NEXT TIME!

PEACE

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

Words can't express so I won't try!!!

Hmm... I just thought of a nice way to tie both stories together. Can't add it now, some work just caught up with me - but stay tuned. Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel...

Besides, I have motive to beat up said offender. He keeps mangling my name. But, on the other hand, MM77 also mangles every third word it seems, so what's the dif?) But, for great justice, no one gets near the Lady without permission, incredible internet teleportation tricks or not! To be continued...

Gerakken,

Sorry my spelling is worse than my HYGENIE at times.

.......BHA....ha...ha..ha........OOOPS.

Yes, but do you notice how MM77's English can mysteriously improve every now and then??

And hang on, but do I really write like:


Hmmm. I've got to write more hip and happenin'... :notsure:

I've been working on this for a little while, so I'll start it now. This one is dedicated to CariElf, but it goes out to you, TheQuack! Two chapters per post, four in the story. I'll post the other two tonight or tomorrow.



The Voyage - Chapter 1



It was stifling. The marsh's boggy air oppressed all living things within to the point that little life above a proto-cellular level could survive within. Some compared it to hell on Earth, or in this case, Skowbo II, just without the fire. The comparison failed to capture the gruesome monstrousness of the place. It was called the Skowbo Death Marsh, and from it few escaped. Only one kind of creature lived in that place, and its name was unmentionable.



Little of this had yet pressed itself on the mind of a young explorer currently orbiting the planet in a Mitrosoft manufactured Scout which he had affectionately named "You Piece of Crap!" He was preparing his evening meal, or what would have been his evening meal were he at home on Earth. Out in space, the concepts of night and day had little relevance beyond the arbitrary meaning the pitiful sentient creatures that travelled its depths assigned them.



The young man's name was Blue, and he had come to this planet with one purpose in mind. To this point, he had spent his life seeking a divine being, something amazing and beautiful, something not yet seen in the vastness that was the galaxy. He had travelled everywhere, without finding anything that could closely match his hopes. He had visited the Telnath crystal on the homeworld of the Drengin empire, but though the power of that artifact was palpable, even at a distance of miles (the Drengin let no Terrans any nearer), it was certainly not divinity, and it was not stopping the humans from crushing the monkeys in their latest border conflict. Various Precursor devices that had been discovered elsewhere in the universe also failed to impress Blue with the sense of wonder that he was seeking.



He spent the first two years after his graduation from the Hyperion University on Earth searching to no avail, until by chance he had wandered across a document deep in the bowels of the Omega Research center in the Altarian republic. It had described exactly what he was looking for, a force of good and light so powerful and wondrous that none had yet located it. The paper came from the Annals of the Altarian Society of Scrying and Psychokenesis, and thus had been largely ignored by the academic community as being meaningless, and, worse, potentially dangerous if heeded. It was well known that, for all their strengths, the cybernetic implants most Altarians used to correct genetic defects caused psychic impotence. Blue could find no confirmation of the Altarian lead in any other scholarly report, but after two years of fruitless searching, he decided to give it a go anyway.



So here has was, orbiting Skowbo, seeking wonder.



The Voyage - Chapter 2



During the sleep cycle, the "night", Blue woke suddenly to the sound of metal on metal, a screeching noise that he quickly ascribed to the regular malfunctions of the You Piece of Crap, until he heard the alarms blast out across all bands of sensation, psychic and normal. The alarms and the screeching were accompanied, strangely, by the sound of a duck quacking in the sound system of his ship.



"Malfunction, malfunction, auto-repair systems malfunctioning! Hull breach! Depressurization under way!"



Disgusted, Blue said, to no one in particular, "I hate ducks."



Abandoning all hope of sleep, he ran to the bridge, and noted with some dissatisfaction that an asteroid had struck the hull, doing irreperable damage that would probably cause a short end to his thus far short life.



"Computer, emergency descent, starting in twenty!"



"Emergency descent in twenty, all hands please proceed to the stasis tubes. Emergency descent in seventeen, all hands please proceed to the stasis tubes. Fourteen, thirteen . . ."



Blue was already prepping the one stasis tube on board to keep him safe during the descent. It slipped open, and he leapt inside as the computer said, "Five." Sealing the tube quickly, he prayed that the landing wouldn't do too much damage, and blacked out as the soporfic sealing agents filled the tube.
[Message Edited]

---------------- INTERMISSION ----------------



---------------- HALL of FAME ----------------



------------- CLASSIC STORY/SAGAS ------------






TheQuack : CARI-CON * Post # 181 *



Blue Ocean : The Voyage * Post # 189 *







These GEMS will Not be rated becuse of thair PRICELESS VALUE.



So thay WILL be posted in the HALL of FAME.



LANDMARKS! Thank You.
[Message Edited]

----------------- INTERMISSION -------------------

------- LESS STARDOCK & MM77 -- 160 TO 190 -------

------------------- THE TOP 10 -------------------



1. Chistopher Packer # 160 ( LANDMARK )

2. Chistopher Packer # 161

3. TheQuack # 169

4. Chistopher Packer # 188

5. forceinfinity # 167

6. jus4golf # 168

7. wampyre # 165

8. Gerakken # 186

9. Yellow Sign # 172

10. Chistopher Packer # 170



OUTSTANDING! GREAT RUN!

Did you bring CHOCOLATE ?



The CariElf fan club's number one PURPOSE is to make CariElf feel at the end of the day, after programming for us DEMMANDING people, that it might be worth the fustratsion.



So We gather here to lift her sprite.



RULES:



1. Remember our goal.



2. Be pleasant when talking about her.



3. Fighting over her .... A MUST.



4. If your not a fighter a KIND word will do.



5. No TAKING trying to win her attention SIRIUSLY.



6. We want to make CariElf feel appresheated NOT INSULTED.



7. Call her CariElf, Thats her screen name, Lets not get personal.



8. ENVY is a MUST



9. WORSHIPING Frogboy,BoogieBac and STARDOCK IS APPROVED



10. NO SEXUAL refferance to ANY STARDOCK PEOPLE.

THAY or FAMILY MEMMBERS may get offened.



11. Any sexual or rude statment to eachother should NEVER go past; " HE f#$*!@ me and I had to walk home "

AND these statments should NEVER be used talking about a STARDOCK PERSON.



12. Have good CLEAN FUN.



--------------------- UPDATED------------------------



CariElf is our focus of topics, most of the time.



BUT This FAN/CHAT CLUB, Is to ENTERTAIN ALL of STARDOCK...Frogboy, Cari, Scott, and CREW.

ALONG with ALL of OUR G.C. FAMILY.



WHY!..............



Becuse WE have a lot of FUN doing IT!



WE make NEW FRIENDS!



WE LOVE to spread LOVE!



PEOPLE LOVE US BACK for doing IT!



HAVE FUN!


[Message Edited]

If you thought the last part was good . . .

The Voyage - Chapter 3

Blue woke to the smell of smoke and decay, suppressed sunlight streaming through cracks in the metal above him. Groaning, he pushed the cover of the stasis tube down, getting it out of his way. He stood slowly, surveying the carnage around him.

The crash had completely destroyed his ship. There were countless gashes along the side, and the top was completely ripped off. Blue climbed to the edge of the opening and looked around. He was in some kind of swamp, an unpleasant one at that. His ships descent had carved a two mile long path in the trees behind it, but beyond that, there was no way to see further than twenty feet, with the dense undergrowth that surrounded him.

"Blast."

More than a little frustrated, he returned to the stores of his ship, grabbing the emergency rations and his lovingly cared for antimatter Shotgun, which he had bought at a Torian Antimatter weaponry dealer, and his auto-computing global positioning system. He climbed out of the ship, and began walking in the direction his computer told him. Fortunately, he was only about two-hundred miles from his goal. He decided that he could make the trip in ten days, since the swamp ended only twenty miles from here, and the rest was flat plains.

His treck through the swamp quickly became monotonous, with only the sounds of insects to accompany him. Gradually, though, another sound began to infringe on his ears. Intrigued, he began walking toward it. He thought, "No, it can't be. It must be a trick of the air, or something else. That creature can't live here."

However, as he climbed across the last gigantic root in his path, he realized that he was very and painfully wrong. In the pool of murky water just twenty feet ahead of him, he saw a duck, and not just any duck, a slimy, nasty, purple duck. It turned and looked at him, and opened its mouth. Then it quacked these words:

"HUMAN! Bow down and follow me, for I am the Psychic Purple Duck of Skowbo. That which you seek will never accept you, and the best you can hope to do is me. You have a better chance of beating a masochistic game than winning her favor! Follow me! Bow dow-"

He ended here as the muzzle of Blue's antimatter shotgun flashed once.

"Goddammit, I hate ducks." The foul creature's remains sank beneath the surface, hopefully never to be seen again.

The Voyage - Chapter 4

The rest of the journey was uneventful, ending as Blue arrived at a shrine made of stone, resembling one of the ancient Aztec temples on Earth. Strangely, there were two other humans at the shrine when he arrived, one calling himself MM77 (a droid obsession, perhaps?) and the other named Christopher Packer.

"We're the custodians," they said when he arrived.

"COUNTLES OTHERS have come to thiss place to seek what YOU seec," MM77 continued.

Christopher stopped him. "Uh, actually it's only been ten or twenty."

"RIGHT, wahtever."

"May I go in?"

"Certainly," they said in unison. "But we will go with you. We really don't need to guard her, but we go in with everyone anyway. Anything to glimpse her wonder, which never grows commonplace."

"You don't need to guard her?"

Christopher explained, "No, you see, no one ever really bothers her, and she turned the one guy who did into a duck."

"Yeah, we've met."

"Really?"

Blue nodded. "I took care of him."

MM77 clapped his hands excitedly, and said, "There used to be duck statues here, but we took them out after what we like to refer to as 'The Incident.' Who likes ducks anyway, though? All they do is quack quack quack."

They stepped as a group into the inner sanctuary, but words cannot describe what occured there. Blue left the room dazed in wonderment at the creature that had called herself CariElf. This was the divinity that he had been looking for, this was what he sought.

"What do you think?" the custodians asked eagerly.

"I think . . . I can live happily now, knowing there is some sort of ultimate force for good in this world. I cannot stay here, though. I could not bear the beauty of that creature again."

"We know how you feel. We have a couple of spare spaceships here, you can take one."

They bade Blue farewell as he flew off, free to fly the starlanes happily, without the sense of emptiness that had pursued him all his life, and hopefully without any ducks.

PS. To TheQuack, you know I love you, man!

LOL, Blue Ocean very impressive!

Also, I'm thinking that the black belt comment might be why Brad asked me if I knew karate yesterday...

[Message Edited]

Blue Ocean,

Sniff!....(wimper)..You have no idea how HAPPY YOU have made ME....( slob!)....to guard CariElf for Eternity is BEYOND any DREAM COME TRUE!...( wimper )..( sniff )..I had NO IDEA how MUCH YOU REALLY CARE FOR ME!..BLESS YOU..( choke! ).......Waaaaaaaaaa!

CariElf,



Your TIMING is always PERFECT.



Thank You.

Viscountess
[Message Edited]

Wow Blue Ocean, I remember that meeting ever so clearly. And particularly that poor duck man (his friends just call him Quack).

Clearly, there are many tales that may be told of the Viscountess. I must search for my diary... Now where did I put it...

aargh friggin uni exams

Never fear. Soon, soon... just a few more hours, then I can begin.

TheQuack will return.

I'm a recent convert to the CariElf fanclub.... she saved my massively glitching GalCiv earlier... she spent a good deal of time talking to me, and coming up with ideas, and checking things out for me. She was a real saviour.... and if she reads this thread, Thanks CariElf.