I got mail this morning

from JoeUser Forums
Hey Emilia.

Finally am replying, been to busy doing nothing heh.

Well i have to say that your last email was quite interesting, while reading it i felt many different feelings like, at first sad, then it made me smile, then worry, and laugh, then feel sad again heh. but it was a very helpful email.

I'm sorry i make you cry sooo much, i think i make you cry more when i'm around. Sorry i got so angry at you about that email to Aurelie, i guess i was just being dramatic for nothing
I'm sorry i haven't changed, i can't really force myself to change and still be happy i guess.

You know what we had was so good, i'm mean i'm actually happy when i hang out with you and do all the stuff we usually do, like i said i'm not forcing myself, But i have always had this little problem in the back of my head ever since the beginning i guess, it doesn't make me feel guilty or anything like that, it's just their kind of like a wall stopping me from moving on.
And you know it would be so easy to just be with you again, in a blink of an eye. and i would like that so much. but i don't know if it's the best thing for you, because it would be just like before which was great but is it really what u want? like i said in my other email, i wish i could just take control of my life and make decisions but i can't.

I think we've gone past the point when we could just be friends again . I've never wished i'd never met you since your so kind to me and know me so well, but sometimes i think to myself that i should have just stayed friend with you back when i first met you thru suzie, at least then i wouldn't have hurt you so much when you really dont deserve it at all, but you had to look so beautiful the first time i saw you didn't you.

Well i guess i haven't really put any answers in this email, thats probably cause i don't have any :( i guess i'll just talk to you tomorrow.

Hope that house you visited yesterday looks good. let me know about it .


tata

Darren.


P.S i've never been good at doing the thing which is right when i know it will cause me pain :( i always take the easy way out. sorry i'm a weak person

We've done some emailing and that's what i got this morning. He is confusing me even more. I need to have a chat with him...
1,322 views 5 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I don't know, Emilia...

This seems like a "throwing good money after bad" situation. You say you need to have a chat with him. On one level I understand that, but...

Wait and see would be my advice. I am not a brutal person unless I feel it is a necessary thing. I think now it is a necessary thing to say what you do not want to hear.

He does not know what he wants to do. He wants things both ways, it sounds like. But that cannot be.

As painfull as it is, you know in your heart what you need to do. Listen to that small voice.

I dunno, I'm full of shit. But trust your instincts. If you listen quietly, you'll know what to do.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top

Chickie, I dunno that you need to have a chat or any other kind of conversation with him. 

I'm going to do the same thing as Shovel, and I'm going to tell you what I really think.

I wouldn't make any effort to see him and talk to him.  I dont think that it would do any good, and I think it would set you a step back on your path to recovery.  He's not going to be able to give you the answer you want....from this email it would seem that he cant give you an answers at all.

If you really have to talk to him, give yourself a couple more days of healing. 

Shovel's also right about listening to your inner voice, babe.  I think that it's been talking to you the whole time you've been with him...now's the time to start listening.

 

much love to you, sweetie.

Ashes of the Singularity II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I suppose you guys are right, i cant really know myself since i still have feelings for him, but now i have an opinion from a third party.

It hurts so much, i wish i could grab a magic stick and make it all go away and be as happy as i was a couple of weeks back. Things were so good, and now it's all gone... I dont want it to be gone, damit...
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top

I would add that it looks like he has a little growing up to do as well.  That thing in the back of his head is just his fear of commitment.

You pushed that button when you confronted him on Aurelie.  It was tiem for him to commit to you or move on.  I am sure he still loves you, but he is not ready to commit the rest of his life to you yet.

Be glad that while he does not understand what is happening, he is very honest.  Better he has doubts now, than to lie to himself and commit to you only to cheat later.

Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
DrGuy, i think you are right. I feel like if i hadnt pushed that button like you say things would just be fine, or as they used to be at least... I feel like such a jerk. I never wanted to be engaged or anything, damn. What we had was convenient to me, and now all this shit happened....