Epiphany
or, emerging from my cocoon for a moment
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
I looked around at church today, and I did a rare thing. I considered people. I looked a few rows ahead and I saw Amy whose husband is gone for a year. She's got five children. I noticed that the girls' hair was done with more care than usual, even when their dad was home. And her sons were dressed well, and I couldn't help thinking how much effort that must have taken Amy, and how early she must have had to get started to get them all fed, dressed, read scriptures, pray... Actually I happen to know that they get up at 5:45 every day of the week. They're just naturally wonderful like that. Amy is very down-to-earth, her husband is top-class, and to have him gone must ache quite a bit. My eyes welled up as I considered her family today. I considered a lot of people at church today, thought of their lives, and I wondered why I feel so different from them most of the time? I'm in a rare mood to reach out and make friends, but I know this mood will pass as quickly as it came.
We saw Amy & family at the dinosaur park/garden show yesterday. She was there with two other families from church. Seeing people from church there threw me for a loop because I'd been so focused on myself and my own family that day...I wish I'd been bold enough to join them, but they were just sitting at picnic benches, while John & I wanted to play on the really awesome jungle gyms and do some exploring.
Probably the real reason I felt too awkward to join them... Each one of those families, I have not made good impressions with (shocking, I know)...Angela B., who saw us first and greeted us, was surprised to see us, and wasn't quite sure how to handle it because we're on her poo-poo list. She's the primary president, and we, as primary teachers, have let her down a handful of times.
Then there was Marianne, who was my visiting teaching companion when we first moved here, but has since moved into new a different ward boundary. She seems to keep to herself, and only pipes up when she needs something...recently John & I babysat a family of four kids for a few days, and Marianne caught on that we were in her neighborhood and called to ask if we could arrange a play date. I really thought it sounded like fun, but we already had plans that evening. So I felt bad that we couldn't get together, and I'm afraid that she may harbor some resentment toward me over that. So although she saw me at the park, I had to be the one to give a hearty, "Hello!" and she smiled. I wish we could have talked and spent time together. I'd love to do it now, but yesterday I really just wanted to play at the park. Not sit around and talk. Now I want to sit around and talk. Maybe I'll call her. That would be weird though, because she goes to church from 1-4pm, and she'll be wiped out after that.
Then of course there was Amy & family. We've also babysat Amy's kids for a few days, but Amy has caught on that I'm socially awkward, and not the most fun to hang out with.
I'd love to call Stacy, but I just called her the last two days in a row, and she's always too busy to get together. So I better leave her alone today. *Sigh* what do I do...I need a living, breathing friend. blog, dear blog...
I'll make my husband take me for a walk. Even though he needs to do his homework, I've got to get out of here, and I need a human being. When he married me, he agreed to be my companion, so here we go. I need fresh air and a listening ear.
We saw Amy & family at the dinosaur park/garden show yesterday. She was there with two other families from church. Seeing people from church there threw me for a loop because I'd been so focused on myself and my own family that day...I wish I'd been bold enough to join them, but they were just sitting at picnic benches, while John & I wanted to play on the really awesome jungle gyms and do some exploring.
Probably the real reason I felt too awkward to join them... Each one of those families, I have not made good impressions with (shocking, I know)...Angela B., who saw us first and greeted us, was surprised to see us, and wasn't quite sure how to handle it because we're on her poo-poo list. She's the primary president, and we, as primary teachers, have let her down a handful of times.
Then there was Marianne, who was my visiting teaching companion when we first moved here, but has since moved into new a different ward boundary. She seems to keep to herself, and only pipes up when she needs something...recently John & I babysat a family of four kids for a few days, and Marianne caught on that we were in her neighborhood and called to ask if we could arrange a play date. I really thought it sounded like fun, but we already had plans that evening. So I felt bad that we couldn't get together, and I'm afraid that she may harbor some resentment toward me over that. So although she saw me at the park, I had to be the one to give a hearty, "Hello!" and she smiled. I wish we could have talked and spent time together. I'd love to do it now, but yesterday I really just wanted to play at the park. Not sit around and talk. Now I want to sit around and talk. Maybe I'll call her. That would be weird though, because she goes to church from 1-4pm, and she'll be wiped out after that.
Then of course there was Amy & family. We've also babysat Amy's kids for a few days, but Amy has caught on that I'm socially awkward, and not the most fun to hang out with.
I'd love to call Stacy, but I just called her the last two days in a row, and she's always too busy to get together. So I better leave her alone today. *Sigh* what do I do...I need a living, breathing friend. blog, dear blog...
I'll make my husband take me for a walk. Even though he needs to do his homework, I've got to get out of here, and I need a human being. When he married me, he agreed to be my companion, so here we go. I need fresh air and a listening ear.
