Giving the Wife a Backrub
Counting the Months
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JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
This might as well be the first in my series of homesickness blogs. Since this involves a description of what mommies and daddies do to each other, this is one of the blogs “on the fringe” so to speak which due to the clinical treatment I gave , I have difficulty as of yet classifying whether it be labeled for general patronage or for adults only. (I best leave that to the Admin.staff).
It all really started out as prolonged long distance conversation with the Mrs. about our daughters’(read 2) weddings . You know, what to wear, what color, etc. I honestly didn’t care much about whether the bridal entourage should wear avocado green or lily pink. I cared about whether my prospective sons-in law were going to be the genuinely loving husbands to my daughters that they said they would be. Oh, well, then my wife mentioned how her back hurt and how my son who was better at massaging the remote controls of his Nintendo could not get it right. We ended up recruiting our eldest daughter’s (who was luckily home and off her cell phone) services. With the help of my telephoned instructions, interrupted with her “Dad, you really should be the one doing this.” , she was finally able to “get it right” to the relief of my spouse. I don’t really know if it’s my familiarity with human anatomy or something unique in the way I do it, but I do know it would be one of the first things I would reward my wife with for all the time I was away. So, is this something to share? I really don’t know.Anyways, here goes..
Position Very important. She should be prone, meaning her frontside (in the fetal position, this is the more secured, sensitive side) should be embracing a warm firm bed.( If she decides to go full frontal and embrace her masseur instead, then it’s over – abort backrub) The head should ideally be facing down ( space for unrestricted breathing could be given by propping up her faceside between 2 pillows but sparing her face) If for any reason, the ideal head position becomes unmanageable, she may face to one side alternately. Arms preferably down to both sides.
Head Massage Begin by probing the bony ridge underlying both eyebrows as it nears the nasal bridge with both your pointing fingers simultaneously The fingers should rub upwards from the nose area , more towards the inner rim of the eyesocket, then move it in a wavy pattern towards both temples. At this point, just before the ear starts, both your thumbs take over the pointing fingers and continue massaging in a wavy pattern over the ear and to the back of the head just above where the neck starts and end up at this midpoint with both thumbs going around in small circles in opposite (counter/clockwise) directions. Repeat this pattern several times until you hear groans(sighs?) of relief.
A lot of muscles insert in our skulls from front, back and side. They may go into contraction under stress and this goes on unnoticeably and at the end of the day, it just feels like one weighty headache. As your fingers massage through them, you mechanically change their tone and relax them. Another thing is that the frontal sinuses are usually located above your nasal bridge between the eyes. When perfusion to the sinuses dilate as a response to cold/infection, they swell up and clog the sinusoidal passages to cause headache. When you massage the area, you create mechanical stimulus for which the response elicited by small blood vessels is to constrict, the sinuses decongest and sinusoidal passages clear up.
Neck Massage Remember that there is no need to twist, bend or contort this very sensitive area. Massage the back of the neck as it lies prone before you. Do this by starting at the midpoint where you ended your head massage and go down to the neck with both thumbs by feeling for the knobbles at both sides of the spine. You may imagine these knobbles as small ladders and both thumbs just “go down the ladder “alternately. Do this several times taking care to reach the bony midline prominence at the level of your shoulders which anatomically marks the end of your neck. Do variations of “going down the ladder” by stroking your thumbs sideways alternately on each side as you reach each level of the “ladder”.
Your back-of- the- neck muscles actually stretch to the back of your head and down to your mid-back. Keeping the head up during our waking hours mean keeping those muscles in constant contraction. As you lay to rest your head, the pain from those tonically contracted muscles becomes more perceptible. The mechnical stimulus from massage relaxes the muscle tone .
Back Massage You now go down a longer “ladder” but the thing to remember in this area is there are superficial nerves that stretch on both sides of the spine like guitar strings. These (thoracolumbar outflow and craniosacral outflow) make up parts of our autonomic nervous system. Here our pointing fingers and thumbs work together on both sides alternately “going up and down the ladder”. Since these special (autonomic) nerves cause secretion of various glands in our body, we set these into action as we “pluck the guitar strings” on both sides of the spine. Our pointing fingers and thumbs work their way into each depression on both sides of the spine, probing with both pointing fingers at one time, then with both thumbs for the next level, as if rocking a small cradle. When you reach the lumbosacral joint/level, which is near the hip level at the midline, you have to linger awhile using these “rocking cradle “ motions for the depression near the knobbles. The reason being, this level (lumboscral joint) is often flexed for long periods for people who do prolonged sitting activity during the day whether in a desk job , as a professional driver or as a couch potato. The nerves roots in this area get stretched and the disc which are vulnerable in this angulated position often gets torn and bulges out to compound the nerve stretching situation. Only when the affected person unflexes this joint to lie in bed at night with no distracting stimulus does the pain from the swollen nerve become more discernible. Massage offers a counter-stimulus to lighten this pain perception.
We also have to probe with our pointing fingers and thumbs through the borders of both shoulder blades when we carry out the massage through the upper back . At the mid and lower back, we add a bit more pressure going through the thick back muscles on each side with both our palms and the ball joints of both our hands.
Arm Massage The upper arms are grasped as a whole using both hands and alternate squeezing from the axilla going downwards to the elbow joint is done. Your biceps or muscles on the upper arms are probed separately using alternating pressure on each side of the muscle using sets of four fingers. The elbow joint is fully flexed and alternate squeezing from the elbow downwards to the hands is done.
Hand massage The hands are grasped fully by the masseur’s hands interlocking the fingers with masseur’s own. Each hand is hyperextended while grasped and the tips of the masseur’s fingers slide down to the knuckles where they act as a fulcrum while hyperextending the fingers. Care is taken to elicit a “clicking” sound from the finger joints as each finger is stretched and hyperflexed.
Butt Massage This can be a very dangerous area depending on your outlook. Most of the dermatomal (sensory) zones here lead to the G-spot, so this could be a touch and go situation where the masseur may have to abort the backrub for something else more straightforward. With both four fingers holding the gluteal (butt )muscles on each side, the thumb now remains free to press on the muscles and stroke it from the middle area working outwards. As you reach the crease on both buttocks, both thumbs continue to probe for the bony connection of the hip bone to the leg bone. It’s also called the acetabulum (acetabular area) and as the thumb palpates this area, the massage returns to the circular strokes in opposing directions. When you do this (remember the G-spot innervation), you may elicit a primitive reaction from the person being massaged and she/he may face frontal and do his/her own version of a butt massage on the masseur/masseuse.
If you are a very disciplined person (gulp!) and you are able to somehow deflect this primitive reaction, your chances of seeing the massage thru to the end are still slim since the person being massaged will be harder to manage as to position from hereon.
Leg Massage Let’s say you (for obvious reasons) took a break and decided to reschedule the massage for the following evening, don’t begin from No.1. Skip the head, neck, back and butt massages and get right down to the legs. That way, you get an even chance of both finishing a massage cycle and starting another one even to point where you’re bound to abort the whole thing. In the leg area, remember that the inner thighs receive some innervation to the G-spot , but since you’re starting out, this will be a much more controllable situation. You may want start with the hamstrings which are the muscle group in front of your thighs. You will need to lift the massaged leg a bit and grasp the hamstrings as a group and massage with the whole hand starting from the groin going downwards. As you return the leg to its full prone position , do the same for the back muscles of the thigh from just below the butt working towards the back of the knee. If there are no swollen knees or arthritic joints to worry about, end this portion by bending the leg a bit while starting to massage the back muscles of the lower legs(gastrocnemius).
The gastrocnemius are usually powerful muscles (used together with the hamstrings in the flying kick) and well developed, so we use the ball of our palms and all five fingers to massage this area.
Foot Massage We could spend a whole afternoon just for the foot, but for starters, the thumb and two fingers (pointing and middle finger acting together) are the active massaging probes for this area. The idea is to run the probes thru every crevice or depression you see in the foot. Try as well to elicit a “click” when you stretch every toe using your fingers as a fulcrum. If you can’t ,don’t sweat it, as this just might spoil the whole massage experience.Using both four fingers and both thumbs as alternate fulcrums, extend and flex the ankle joint. Finally, gently grind your knuckles at the ball of the foot and give it a tap with your fist.
When all’s well and done, the smile from your sleeping spouse becomes your just reward.
