A Passive-Aggressive Babysitter

from JoeUser Forums
I babysit a lot. It's what I do. I don't necessarily enjoy it, but there are few jobs in the world that are 100% enjoyable (at least by my experience). Work is work.

I babysit because I like to help moms when they're in a pinch. I like to be that one person who moms can turn to when they're in need. And I love to hang out at home, so babysitting seems to be the only thing I can do anyway. Also I'd like to think that I'm producing some good karma through my efforts, so that some day when I really need a babysitter, someone as nice and giving as I am will rise to the occasion and help me out.

I do a lot of babysitting for families at church. I like to think that the mothers & I have an understanding that I'm doing this out of the kindness of my heart, and I don't expect anyone to take undue advantage of me. For the most part, no one takes undue advantage of me... but as of one hour ago I have completed an 8-week-long, 2 hours a day, out-of-the-kindness-of-my-heart, pro bono babysitting job.

The mom often comes to pick up her daughter much later than we had agreed upon. She's taking a German class and she's told me that the teacher babbles a lot and goes over time. Well that's fine I guess. I really suspect that a couple of days ago she took the liberty of running some errands before coming to pick up her daughter. I've had today marked on the calendar for quite some time as "Savanna's last day." Today when her mom dropped her off she asked if she could come over on Monday. I looked at my calendar...and *SURPRISE* Monday was empty. I had no good reason to say, "No, I can't do it," so I said, "OK." As the day wore on with little Savanna and my baby Michael, 11:00 rolled around at which time Michael becomes ready for his nap. Then it became clear to me that having Savanna come over on Monday at noon would indeed pose a problem. It will screw up Michael's schedule.

I hate to think I'll have to put my foot down and assert myself...and tell her mother that I feel she's taking advantage of me. I have this passive / aggressive problem where I let people walk all over me and when I can't take it any more I explode in their face. Well, I don't want to do that in this case. I want to find the composure and the words to calmly tell her , "Your eight weeks of free babysitting are up. If you request my services from now on there will be a fee."

See, I thought I was doing a good deed. She sent out an email to everyone at church and asked for a babysitter for eight weeks. I thought, "Wow, if someone is sending out an email for a babysitter, they must really be in a pinch." I rose to the occasion because, quite frankly, Michael needed someone to play with and I needed a solid reason to drag my butt out of bed every morning, and a solid reason to keep the house clean. And when it comes to babysitting I don't like being a money-grubber. I feel that I do a better job as a babysitter when I do it from the kindness of my heart rather than for the motivation of money.

How can I reach down into my weak self and tell her that she needs to stop taking advantage of me? She should know better. Adults shouldn't need a talking-to when it comes to moral values.
3,610 views 5 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Your eight weeks of free babysitting are up. If you request my services from now on there will be a fee.


I think you answered your own question with this statement here.

Always remember this line:

If you do it once, it's a favor... Do it twice, it's your job.


Now, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't help people in a pinch, it is just a reminder of human nature. She was looking for a babysitter so she could take a German class. She probably wouldn't have been able to take that class if you hadn't have stepped up for her. However, now she has become comfortable with the idea that you can "step up" so she can do pretty much anything she wants, well unless you want to make the permanent babysitter list, you need to "step up" for yourself and let her know what the fee will be.

Service projects are great, but they are only service if you are doing it to fill a need in someone else. If all you are is a convenience, you may be doing more harm to them than good.

I think it's great that you offer your time and love to others through babysitting though, I know when our kids were little, we would have been sunk if it weren't for great friends (both military and from church) that "stepped up" for us!
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
While it's nice to help someone out in a pinch, 8 weeks doesn't constitute a "pinch" in my book. You should be getting paid for providing a service.

This lady is over stepping the bounds by asking to extend the agrees time period. Establishing a fee sounds like a good idea to me and is not at all unreasonable.
Sins of a Solar Empire II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I was just like you. I am a Network Adminstrator and an all around PC tech. Everyone I know always asks me for help. Can you come over and look at this? Can you get this for me? Well I have a lot of resources at my disposal and I have always been one to lend a hand so NO was just not part of my vocabulary.

I would always do the work for free assuming that if I needed a favor from these people they would be there for me. Well I am pretty self sufficient so I just never asked for anything. It was my mom who explained it best to me. (She pays for my service by the way and always has) People don't value your service unless there is a price involved. You should always charge something. Be reasonable. I always use the rule of what the market will bear. In fact, most of the time I just say pay me what you think is fair. I always get paid though.

Since I have put value to my service I get more jobs because people understand that what they are getting is worth something. And those favors... I get more offers of help from people I do work for because the service they receive would always cost more elsewhere.

Just let them know up front that you're not trying to get rich but your time does have value; even if it is just a couple of dollars for baby sitting.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Why don't you ask her to watch Michael for you once in a while? If you have been watching her child for 8 weeks, the least she can do is offer to reciprocate. I think you are wonderful, but you are letting yourself get walked on. She either needs to pay you are offer to babysit in return....a date night could be fun.....

I would never dream of asking someone to pay for my services if they were sick or otherwise in need, but this woman was emailing around, looking for a reliable person to allow her to do something she WANTS...(not needs) to do. Therefore she is either extrememly rude, illmannered or taking advantage of you. Stand up for yourself....nicely of couse.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Being that you watched her daughter for 8 weeks so she could do somthing unnecessary, I wouldn't feel bad asking for some money if she wants you to keep babysitting.

Just let her know, now that your class is over, I am more than happy to watch you daughter, but I will need to be paid for my time.