And we're still married and going strong...

from JoeUser Forums
"Hi, what's your name?" I asked.

She smiled uneasily, "Lucy."

I smiled back. "Hi Lucy. I'm Angela."

"Aren't you (last name)'s wife? I thought I recognized you."

"Yes, that's me. I just wanted to tell you that he's got a big crush on you. He told me how you girls were dancing and grinding all over him that night. I bet he'd love it if I did that to him."

She avoided the confrontation but she openly acknowledged with body language and a smile that, yes, I'd caught her, and yes, she was guilty as charged. I could tell she was a nice girl, but I really wanted to make sure that she knew that I was aware of her lascivious behavior toward my husband which has put wayward thoughts into his head, and I DO NOT approve.

We made about 45 more seconds of smiling small-talk. Her smile was sheepish. Mine was fueled by indignation. I said it was nice meeting her, then walked away with my sweet baby in my arms.

The purpose of the confrontation? I wanted to know what kind of a girl would grind on a married man. I wanted to know what kind of girl it took to distract my husband so completely, to the point of him re-evaluating our marriage like he never had before. I certainly wanted her to know that she hadn't gotten by me. I don't care if she was drunk. That just makes it all the worse. From what I've heard, drunk people lose their inhibitions which allows them to do things they wish they had the nerve to do when they're sober. So there I was in her face. Without saying anything to blatantly reprimand her, I certainly hope she got the idea that I was not pleased with what she did to my husband.

For the record, my husband had clearly been exploited by these drunk ladies. Although I wasn't there, I fully believe the true-to-life account my husband gave me. The girls pulled him onto the dance floor against his wishes (he hates dancing; he hates clubs; he hates drunk people). He was stunned and dumbfounded by their gyrations all over him, but as a hot-blooded male he looks back at that evening with fond sentiments. My indignation is aimed at the girls. My husband was a gentleman, and their designated driver. I guess that's how drunk ho's thank their DD's. I'm out of the loop on this; I really wouldn't know the etiquette of how a drunk single lady ought to thank a married man for being her responsible, sober driver.

Damn, I should've gone with him that night. I wasn't invited though, but if I had been, I doubt I would have wanted to go anyway. But once in awhile I get in racy moods; then I would be happy to grind all over my husband to show all the world that the magic doesn't have to die after marriage. OK, I could never imagine "dancing" like that with anybody. Call me modest or something. Why do people dance like that? Is the dance floor a great big orgy?

One more thing: I can't wait until I meet the other two drunken whores. I'll have my fists ready this time. To think that their night out was to celebrate becoming E-5's! They ought to be demoted to E- ZERO's for being irresponsible, drunken, husband-poaching whores. Those are not good NCO qualities. That's one reason I hated the military. They'll promote anybody. Even the whores.

I just can't stop being miffed by all of this... The longer I dwell on it, the more angry I get...and the more I wish I would have slugged the girl. But not with my baby in my arms. I think my son kept me civil."
4,175 views 9 replies
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sounds to me like your husband knows which side his bread is buttered on. And good for you for taking an interest in what he does after hours. Yes, there are more than enough 69W's (barracks whores) out there. I can understand your husband's viewpoint as a leader in ensuring the Soldiers are not getting DWIs, that's cool. On the other hand, 69W's don't think like that. You keep your man straight and he'll stay straight. As a Platoon Sergeant in a huge platoon (82 Soldiers, 31 females) I could have a field day. As a leader, I know that's wrong. You go girl, you're right. Your man will follow you. Take care of him and you won't have any problems.
All my best,
SFC C.
Galactic Civilizations IV
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
They can only succeed if your husband lets them, however.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
It always amazed me how little shame some women have. I can't remember how many times I was out with friends at Bragg, the wives of other friends (whose husbands were in the field or on deployments), hanging out at the club to pick up guys.

"Me and my wife had dinner at your house just last week! Now your here, picking up on guys while your husband's not home?" Of course that went left unsaid, but that was the look they got from me when they said "hi".

The other side of that coin. In Desert Storm, homely, unsmooth ol' me had to joke off a few seductions. When I said something about it to some of my friends, the reaction was, "what do you mean you turned her down, how do you know your wife isn't out at the club right now? You gotta get it while you can!"

I should have been shocked, hurt or outraged by both the attempts at seducing me, and especially from my buddies. In the end though, I couldn't. They were merely reacting to what had become normal life for them both out on deployments and at home station in the clubs.

"Spend a quarter, save a marriage" to me was a joke. But to too many, calling their wives or husbands when we returned early was just fair warning.

~~~

Sad state of affairs, ain't it! ;~D


Still praying for you and your family!!
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
I must ask how your husband ended up being their designated driver? How did this married man end up being with these women if so happily married?

You never mentioned if he confronted these people as well...did he or does he need you to fight his battles for him?

Your article reeks of anger, but very little is said regarding how he put himself into this position nor his actual reaction to and resolution of this dilemma.

It would appear you do all the talking for him instead of him doing it for himself.

Will you please ask him to write a followup blog so one can hear his side of this story? Or is that too much to ask after you have already spoken for him in indicting and convicting these ladies. Methinks tis strange a married man out with these wily ladies who bump and grind him; and then has only his wife to indict the women anonymously on a blog. Let's hear from the dude what happened from his side and perhaps it may be slightly different.

What time did he get home? Has he done this before or something similar? Why didn't he refuse to be a designated driver? Why didn't he leave the bar if so adamantly opposed to dancing, et. al.? Are you happy?
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
What I have to say may sound harsh, but it's going to be honest.

First of all, regardless how "noble" it is for him to be a designated driver, your husband should NOT be be chaperoning these single Soldiers to a club. This is a temptation he does not need.

If he hates clubs, why did he go? I would venture to say that it wasn't a purely altruistic move on his part.

He's going to tell you as much as you need to hear for you to feel like he's being truthful, while omitting details that might make you angry or hurt you. So, while he may or may not have been honest, it's likely he's leaving out details...such as...

How did these women manage to drag him out onto the dance floor against his will? Did they overpower him? What prevented him from saying, "No, I don't feel comfortable doing that"? When they began to grind against him, why didn't he tell them, "I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I'll be sitting over there. Enjoy your dance."

It's natural to want to believe that your innocent and bewildered husband was "seduced," but I caution you to not let him off the hook for the part he played in this hurtful event.

The other important thing for you to remember is this:

DO NOT make this about the other woman, unless you want to fuel his interest in her. She has to be unimportant and not a specific point of conversation. Your confronting her was likely pleasing to your husband..."I have two women fighting over me. I'm such a stud." It also lets him know that you blame HER for his actions, and not him.

And if you feel the urge to be wild and trampy with your husband, by all means do so. Dance with him, girl!
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I must ask how your husband ended up being their designated driver?

He volunteered to do it as a community responsibility which looks good for his career progress. Although my idea of a DD is a silent, un-involved chauffer, he used it as a way to hang out with his friends, while not being seen as an outcast for staying sober. My opinion of "friends" is obviously different than his. I do not make friends with people who depend on alcohol for a good time. There's something wrong with that.

How did this married man end up being with these women if so happily married?
He was not exclusively with the women. He was a DD for a group of people including men & women. The extra-marital fraternizing probably stemmed from my husband giving the ladies the impression that he wasn't happily married, and that I, his wife, was a wench. How's that for an introduction? But I'll grant him that. I do get a bit crabby when I'm holed up in our home all day caring for our baby with no adults to talk to. At the time we were going through some hateful crap, but we're mending things now.

You never mentioned if he confronted these people as well...did he or does he need you to fight his battles for him?
I don't think he saw any battles to fight. Until I confronted Lucy. Then when I'd gone home he did approach Lucy to smooth things out. He explained to her that I am psycho, so she needn't worry about anything I said to her. I wonder what her reaction was? I hope she's freaked out enough to never mess with a married man again.

Your article reeks of anger, but very little is said regarding how he put himself into this position nor his actual reaction to and resolution of this dilemma.

I was admittedly angry when I wrote the article. Since I was writing for my own therapeutic benefit, I'm sure I failed to bring up a lot of relevant points.

It would appear you do all the talking for him instead of him doing it for himself.
Will you please ask him to write a followup blog so one can hear his side of this story?

Hey, it's my blog, of course I'm gonna do all the talking He reads everything I write and he's free to chime in. But writing isn't everyone's hobby. We do talk things out though.

Or is that too much to ask after you have already spoken for him in indicting and convicting these ladies.
I was admittedly angry...at the whores. Asking my husband to voice his opinion is NOT too much to ask. We've been talking a lot. Unfortunately your front row seats of our converations are unavailable due to my lack of energy to write it all here. My anger has subsided and we're working things out.

What time did he get home? Has he done this before or something similar?
He got home at noon the next day. He's never done anything like this before. He's a devoted husband & daddy. See the original story of this incident: Link

Why didn't he refuse to be a designated driver?
He wasn't forced to do it. He chose to.

Why didn't he leave the bar if so adamantly opposed to dancing, et. al.?
Although the atmosphere made him uncomfortable, he enjoyed being with his friends.

Are you happy?
Working on it.

What I have to say may sound harsh, but it's going to be honest.
I thrive on blunt honesty. Lay it on me.

Regardless of how "noble" it is for him to be a designated driver, your husband should NOT be be chaperoning these single Soldiers to a club. This is a temptation he does not need.
I agree that he should not be chaperoning singles to a club. That was his choice. Believe me, I raised a stink about it before he left.

If he hates clubs, why did he go? I would venture to say that it wasn't a purely altruistic move on his part.
He wanted to be with his friends. The first place my husband took them was the go-cart race track. That was his idea. The club was the drunkards' choice. By being their DD, he mixed fun & friends with providing them a safe, chauffered ride.

He's going to tell you as much as you need to hear for you to feel like he's being truthful, while omitting details that might make you angry or hurt you.So, while he may or may not have been honest, it's likely he's leaving out details
It may seem odd to some people, but he and I are completely honest with each other about everything. I really mean it. He didn't leave out a single important detail. Granted, our lack of communication skills made it take a while until I had all of the details. But we are very clear with each other now. He gave me plenty of information that should've angered me, but I wasn't angry until I actually saw one of the ho's. Somehow that really fueled my fire.

How did these women manage to drag him out onto the dance floor against his will? Did they overpower him?
Today he told me with sincere honesty," They weren't trying to seduce me. They saw me sitting alone and bored so they came out to include me in the fun." I accept that; it makes sense. I only question why the drunk girls thought they ought to grind all over him to include him in the fun...I guess I don't understand the mind of a drunken whore.

What prevented him from saying, "No, I don't feel comfortable doing that"? When they began to grind against him, why didn't he tell them, "I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I'll be sitting over there. Enjoy your dance."
My hubby is an introvert; not an assertive person. He was caught like a deer in headlights. He told me that once they dragged him out on the floor he just stood there and closed his eyes in agony. He's an awkward geek, but I really think that impediment works in his favor to make him cute, loveable, and attractive to women sometimes.

It's natural to want to believe that your innocent and bewildered husband was "seduced," but I caution you to not let him off the hook for the part he played in this hurtful event.
Oh, he is so NOT off the hook. I do hold him very accountable for the part he played in this hurtful event.

DO NOT make this about the other woman, unless you want to fuel his interest in her.She has to be unimportant and not a specific point of conversation. Your confronting her was likely pleasing to your husband..."I have two women fighting over me. I'm such a stud." It also lets him know that you blame HER for his actions, and not him.
I agree. That crossed my mind last night when my hubby & I were emailing back and forth (he was at work), and I almost put in a snide comment about his "girlfriends." Luckily the page took forever to load, giving me a chance to think better. So I asked him instead if there was any chance of him coming home early because I had some nooky waiting for him. 30 minutes later he was home. We're gonna be fine for now until the next fire needs to be put out.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Z{{{{{{{{angela}}}}}}}}]] a big brother cyberhug, and the following thought, everything in relationships is 50/50 not always even sometimes 90/10 but in long run should be as close to 50/50 as possible, the point is if hubby is having lewd thoughts he is no longer intrested in maintaining a marraige, HE is responsible for his thoughts and acting on them, the lady is a slut, but he has to cooperate to make her successful at seduction.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
"but he has to cooperate to make her successful at seduction."

True. Oh, did I mention that he slept at one of the ladies' house that night and I didn't see him until noon the next day? He & I both honestly believe that if any woman had approached him during the sleepover, he would have given in to any enticement.

But thankfully the gals left him alone during the sleepover. Still, the truth hurts to know that he kinda wishes something had happened.