Why Is It Hard To Get A Boyfriend?????

I suppose that I'm coming at this from a slightly different cultural viewpoint....whether that's a good thing or not remains to be seen.  I'll let you decide that after you've read my response.

You scare me. When I first read your article I imagined you to be 14, 15 perhaps.....so when I saw that you're pretty much 17 I was shocked. 

You're very young, both in years and in attitude, and it shows.  You're wanting to get married, thinking about the details of your wedding....yet you're still talking about boys in terms of who 'likes' who else, and whether they 'like', 'really like' or 'really, really like'. That's the kind of stuff my almost 13 year old does. 

When I was 17, I was a year out of high school, living away from my parents, working full time, going to school part time and I knew what love was.  I'd had my heart broken a couple of times already and I was in no hurry to do it again....and also in no hurry to settle down.  Like I said, I'm looking at this from a different cultural perspective because I grew up in England....I guess graduating school at 16 makes you mature a little faster.

Do you have any other plans that to find mister right and get hitched?  Do you have any plans for further education?  For being self-sufficient, for being able to support yourself and not rely on your folks or your husband your entire life?  What attracts you to being married?  Is it the idea of having someone who will love you forever, who you can love in return forever?   Or is it the wedding day? 

To answer your question 'why is it hard to get a boyfriend???' - I think that you're trying/looking too hard.  Instead of looking at every boy that comes along as a potential boyfriend who could just be mister right, try looking at them as just a friend.  Just a dude, just some boy. 

You really can't force love to happen.  Trust me....remember I said that I had my heart broken a few times?  That's how.

At 17 this really should not be your biggest worry, but since it is I hope I can offer a bit of advice.

In High school most relationships (even ones that go on for years) don't last. Chances are your Boyfriend at 17 will not be the person you are married to in 20 years.

I went from relationship to relationship at that age, and looking back I see that at the time I thought I was SO grown up and these were serious relationships.

It was when I stopped looking for a person to complete me, to be in a serious relationship, that I discovered who I REALLY was. That is when I met my future husband. And I was not much older than you, I met him when I was 18. We were married when I was 20, but I think it would have never worked if I hadn't found myself first.

I really think it is important to be out on your own first before you commit your life to another person.

dharmagrl: i had to grow up very young in my family so right now i basically have an adult mind and personality. I dont do most things that normal teenagers my friends do so i feel weird being around them sometimes.

Thanks for the advice i will take it very seriously and i am just wanting that person to love me forever and for myself to love for the rest of my life.

Janders: I have been going from relationship to relationship for awhile and then all of a sudden i didnt have a bf and it is still really weird for me.

I hear about all those 18year old women who do meet their husbands and I want that but thats just me. I hope you and your husband are still happy and thanks for your advice too.

I will think about being on my own before i commit to someone.

i had to grow up very young in my family so right now i basically have an adult mind and personality.

Not if what you've written here is any indication of your personality/mind. Like I said, you come across as pretty immature. I read a previous post of yours where you said that you were dating someone but that after 5 days you both knew you were rebounding so you split up...sweetie, in the grown up world 5 days isn't enough time to consider yourself 'dating' someone, let alone break up with them!

I think it very telling that you said that you want someone to love you forever/that you can love forever.

Listen to what Dharma says, for she knows about what she speaks. My advice, and while I don't expect you to take it - I still believe it to be the right advice, is to take the time to learn who you are - however long that may be. And I am not talking about weeks or months, but years. If I were you, I wouldn't even begin to think about marriage for at least 8 years, maybe 12.

Take the time to become your own person. One that is an evolution of your roots, but one that is uniquely you. Decide what you want out of life. Don't define yourself by other people. Establish a career and plan for the future. Learn to become independent. Get the amount of education that is right for you. Have fun along the way!

Pay little attention to what others think, for they may become jealous of your accomplishments. It is not their life to live. Not all acquaintances are worthy of your true frienship. Learn to differeniate between those that are true friends and those that are just in the here and now.

Do your best to keep your body in good shape. You can expect to live longer than your ancestors, so you might as well be healthy enough to enjoy it.

It takes time to truly learn how to love. Don't rush into it.

blondi~ We've been married for almost three years and I am very happy with my husband. That being said marriage is HARD work. That first year was the hardest, and when you are both young, and still in college, and not financially secure it brings more stress into the relationship.
Now that we are in a better place financially and my husband has his career estabilished, there is a better sense of security, but there is always new challanges in EVERY relationship.
In my belief a marriage needs to be able to withstand everything. In the five years we've been married we have gone through a lot together; illness, the death of a child, 2 pregnancies, multiple moves, job loss and change, family confict and death of loved ones."
If we were not okay with ourselves, and knew who we were, I don't think it could have lasted. But since we knew ourselves, we grew stronger together.
Even though I love my husband more than anything, I know certian things would have been easier on us if we would have waited until we were older to be married. You never stop learning, and age brings much wisdom.

I think your notion of "someone to love forever", is sweet, but not adult minded, it reminds me a bit of the teenage moms that try to get pregnant thinking that this baby to love will be so great. It's a nice thought, but not reality. If marriage were based only on "loving someone forever" half of marriages wouldn't end in divorce.

Hang in there. The right person will come along when you least expect it, and when you are at the right place. Just keep in mind, even though you may feel "older than your years" you have lots of time.

Dont look around for Mr Right all the time. Use your "single-status" time to prepare yourself to be Mrs Right. Learn to love yourself, learn to be the person you want to be, the best person you can offer to that someone special that will come into your life in due time.
There are many things that you should experience before marriage (IMO) like studies, travel, new hobbies, a new network of TRUE friends (cuz obviously your cousins arent really what i'd call a true friend, but that's just me hey).
Love comes along when you expect it the least. So stop pressuring yourself. Just take it easy, enjoy life, there's a big world out there and it doesnt resume itself in marriage, trust me hun

Be sure to get married by your 21! Or else you will be OLD.

blondie: You're getting some good advice from your fellow bloggers here.

One of the biggest factors that puts a marriage at risk for divorce is marrying young. This is a good website with information, statistics, and answers about teen marriage.

You are enamored with a fantasy and you do not understand the reality. I married young. My husband and I were both 18. We faced many challenges including financial strain, problems with living arrangements, immaturity on both parts, infidelity, and more.

Why put yourself at risk of becoming a young, single, uneducated, divorced mother, which is a common outcome in teen marriage?

How will you support yourself if you are to get married? Do you realize that you and your husband will likely be juggling minimum wage jobs and barely seeing each other and not having the time or money to do the things you want to do?

What about education? Do you have any plans for college or a trade school? How will you manage working, caring for the house, tending to your relationship, going to class, studying and doing homework, and finding time for yourself?

Why do you NEED a boyfriend?

What is it that you are lacking that you need someone else to provide for you? What are your reasons for wanting to jump into a relationship?

What does marriage mean to you? When you envision married life, what it is that you think of? What would the average day be like?

When you think of remaining single until you have matured and achieved a few personal goals, what do think of? What would the average day be like for 19 year old single "blondie"?

These are important questions.

Ahh...teens....heh, heh Interesting bunch aren't we?

~Zoo

The best relationships are the ones that "just happen". Relax and stop worrying about it and trying so hard. You have your whole life ahead of you. Relax and enjoy it.

You may think you're old and wise to the ways of the world at 17... most 17 year olds think that... but you are't yet. You're still living with your parents, still in High School. Those two right there are a good indicator that your life experiences have been pretty limited. Want proof? Talk to someone who's in their senior year of College. Ask them to reflect on what life is like at 22 versus what it was like at 17. Then talk to someone who's a year or so out of College and ask them to reflect on what life is like at 23 or 24 versus what it was like at 22, or 17. I'm willing to bet the person you are 5 years from now doesn't resemble how you are today much at all. You might in some ways be more mentally mature than your peers. But a mentally mature 17 year old is still a world away from even an average 22 year old.

The constant need for a boyfriend isn't good. In order to be happy in a relationship, you need to know what it is you want, you need to learn a lot more about yourself. Pretty much the only way to get a good understanding of who you are is to spend some time alone, depending on yourself for things and not someone else. Once you know who you are, and what it is you want, you'll have a better shot at finding a good guy to date.

Like it has been said, going out 5 days isn't being in a relationship. It's going on a few dates in the adult world. And looking at every guy you meet as a potential husband is going to scare guys away. Even "The One" probably isn't ready for that kind of commitment after the first date. Look first at them as potential friends, then maybe someone to date... and after a good long while perhaps consider them for a husband... but that is the last step in a long process that you seem too eager to skip.

Don't toss away the opportunity to just be yourself, to be independent of other human beings and do whatever it is you want or need to do with your life. Don't rush into getting married... it's not a fairy tale land of happiness and eternal love. It's hard work and you want to take the time to make sure you picked the right guy to go through the trials and tribulations with.

Wow, I can't believe you got so many comments.  I'm sorry AUgust hurt your feelings, and I can totally understand your point of view.  Isn't great that she's breaking up with him now?  Now is the time to make your move!  !!!

DHarma is right, man, listen to her Buddhist wisdom.

Trinitie

Get your focus off boys.

Get your education (even if you have to CRAWL to school).

Then get a JOB, and a place of your own.

What makes you think any guy WORTH HAVING wants a woman who isn't educated? Or who doesn't have a good work ethic? And who isn't smart enough to make things work her way no matter how bad they are?

If you REALLY want to meet an awesome guy....then MAKE YOURSELF AWESOME (education, attitude and work) and then sit back and watch them flock!

One more thing.

Stop with all the "LOVE" stuff....if love was enough to keep people together, no one would ever get divorced! How many people get married HATING each other? They ALL claim love....and baby love ain't everything...just a piece of the puzzle.

Love is everything, you thug.

Trinitie