Is There Something Wrong?

Reply #1 July 1, 2004 11:38 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

my oldest sister is a drug addict, she lost her first 3 children to her ex-husband, and her last child; she put up for adoption; is with my uncle. My next oldest sister had a child with a man who already had 2 children and a wife. My mom cries all the time because of all she has to do to keep them from loosing everything, and my little sister and I have a pretty good life other than for these few things.

Wow! I never knew all that was going on. It must be really hard for your mom. But she seems like the nicest woman you could ever meet. That has to suck big time!

It seems like no matter how much wrong someone has done to me, I still refuse to get mad. I hardly even show any emotion other than happiness, which I KNOW isn't always what I feel. My voice doesn't show the difference in how I'm feeling most of the time, so even when I am mad no one knows it.

Well I can't tell you why you refuse to get mad. Maybe it's because you've been taught by a very good mother and father, even though they're devorced. You've been taught to always forgive, so I guess maybe that's why you never show that you are mad. And believe it or not, sometimes you do show emotion wether you know it or not. Maybe I'm the only one who sees it, but trust me you do. I know you enough to know the kind of things that you'd probably get mad at, even though you don't show it. You might even try showing you're mad. I don't know if it's the best thing in the world to do, but hey you never know untill you try something, and i know it won't kill you to try.

Do you think I have anger-management problems?

No, Brandon, you do not have anger-management problems. Anger-management problems are more like when you get so angry at people and yell at them. If that makes any sense. You don't show anger, so therefore you don't have them.

Well, I hope I kinda helped you. As a good friend that's what I'm here to do. I may not be the best at giving advice, but I try my hardest to help when help is needed.

~carebear~

Ps: I'll keep your mom and sisters in my prayers

Reply #2 July 1, 2004 11:39 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Sorry, the little yellow boxes are supposed to be around what you had in your article. For some reason my computer screwed it up.

~carebear~

Reply #3 July 2, 2004 5:39 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Have you ever seen the movie, Angermanagement? I'm talking about that kind of angermanagement problem. Maybe that's not really even a problem, but I feel like I have it if it is an honest to God problem.

Capt. over and out!

Reply #4 July 3, 2004 12:40 AM from JoeUser Forums Top

I'm no expert ( ex = has-been and a spurt is a drip under pressure) but I'd say that if you keep things bottled up (even so deep you don't experience them yourself) sooner or later you'll blow a fuse. I think that's what happens with all those postal workers.

Reply #5 July 3, 2004 12:34 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Ah, Capt....you're problem is.....lack of assertion....and of course your refusal to get angry. You need to learn to...uh, let's say...whoop some ass....yeah...or at least yell at them....unleash your rage...it'll make you feel better...trust me...otherwise you'll get an ulcer or something....hehe...but seriously, you don't need to "keep up the happy"...it's alright to get pissed off once in awhile (a lot for me..lol)...and it's healthy I think...so...just start yelling at a freshman or something...it's a really effective method to calm down...( And if anyone messes with your car...kick their ass....you can do it...or get me to...anytime...hehe)

~Zoo

Reply #6 July 3, 2004 7:30 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

You see guys. That's exactly it. I've been told these things all my life but the bible says to remain loving. My happiness is what keeps me loving like I feel I should be. Sure, that may sound weird (hearing some guy say it's all because he wants to love you) but that's kinda the problem. I believe that I should both get mad AND glad. But I can't help but stay int the glad state. My biblical understanding says that's the best way to go.

Capt. over and out!

Reply #7 July 3, 2004 7:59 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

capt., all of your emotions are valid, it's just that anger is less societally "acceptable". once created, tension needs to go somewhere. we can either direct it outwards at what we think is the "cause", or we can internalise it, as you do.

what you seem to be doing is mentally occupying the space between intention and action, and electing not to display a negative reaction for fear of causing harm or offence to another. that just makes you a good guy, albeit one with no outlet for anger. you have learned not to impose your anger on others because the circumstances of those around you have meant that your anger would only compound a bad situation for them.

the answer seems to be balance between what you feel is right and the feelings of others. and anger doesn't always have to be violent. it is possible to convey anger and explain your feelings whilst remaining rational, which you seem well able to do judging by this blog.

that, and write a cranky blog every so often. even if it's private. or call zoo and yell at him ... he seems keen for you to crack up

and i'll leave this huge comment with a quote:

"anybody can become angry - that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy"
- aristotle


mig XX

Reply #8 July 3, 2004 8:13 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Well mig. I'm officially confused dude. Does that mean that I am ok to do as I am doing? Or that I should express my anger more?
Please enlighten.

Capt. over and out!

Reply #9 July 3, 2004 8:32 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

well capt, i guess it means that you must distinguish irritation from anger, and that you need to accept that you have a right to feel anger occasionally - it is a normal human response - but that you need to ensure that you express it in a way that won't just compound the situation.


mig XX

ps: maybe you call everone dude and i'm making a moot point, but i'm actually female. heh

Reply #10 July 3, 2004 8:33 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Do you think I have anger-management problems?

no, in fact, I envy you in many ways. As a typical type "A", my garage often looks like a hurricane hit it because of wrenches, sockets, etc, tossed across because I can't get the durn car fixed (see the threads on the brake problems of the last week, and you'll have some idea of the genesis of my frustration). That being said, I only act that way towards objects, never people or animals (as a matter of fact, I'm very avoidant when it comes to confrontation).

I think you exemplify the way we all should be more often (and I am learning, really I am): evaluate how important a problem is in the big picture, then react accordingly. Nothing wrong with being loving and tactful.

Reply #11 July 3, 2004 8:56 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Nothing wrong with being loving and tactful

yeah !. what he said !

gideon ... well done, you

mig XX

Reply #12 July 3, 2004 8:58 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

I have similar problems with expressing anger to strangers (I am getting better though) so on the rare occasions when I do become angry the effect is quite startling.

Reply #13 July 3, 2004 11:06 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

I believe that I should both get mad AND glad. But I can't help but stay int the glad state. My biblical understanding says that's the best way to go.

You know something, you are the only guy I know that follows almost everything the bible tells you to do. (in the state of right and wrong.) And I totally respect that out of you. I actually wish there were more guys out there that were like you. Take Ryan for example; if he didn't get mad about tiny little things all of the stinking time, I think he'd make out to be a better person than he is now. Don't get me wrong, he's like a brother to me, but i still think it would be a lot better.

And yes i have seen the movie angermanagement. And trust me dude, you don't have those kind of problems.

~carebear~

Reply #14 July 4, 2004 10:36 AM from JoeUser Forums Top

Don't get me wrong, he's like a brother to me, but i still think it would be a lot better.

How the hell is Ryan a brother to you?....Jeeze...he acts like a dick to you most of the time.....you must have some strange relationship...if he did half the stuff to me that he does to you...I'd throw him through a third story window...but I guess that's just me...

~Zoo

Reply #15 July 4, 2004 7:10 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

maybe you call everone dude and i'm making a moot point, but i'm actually female.

Actually I DO just call everyone a dude. And yes I know I should use the more correct version, dudette? Would that make you feel better?

Capt. over and out!

Reply #16 July 4, 2004 7:27 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

That being said, I only act that way towards objects, never people or animals (as a matter of fact, I'm very avoidant when it comes to confrontation).

There are many ways of dealing with anger that do not require confrontation with another person (or animal). My personal facorite is Raquetball. I step into that court, by myself, and just start whacking the hell outta that ball. After a half-hour or so I feel much better (and exhausted).

In the past I used Art to deal with anger (and just about every other emotion I was feeling).

Sometimes meditation and contemplation can expell those negative feelings (at the risk of sounding too new-age).

The point is, expressing your anger does not require channeling it towards people.

Reply #17 July 4, 2004 8:07 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

How the hell is Ryan a brother to you?....Jeeze...he acts like a dick to you most of the time.....you must have some strange relationship...if he did half the stuff to me that he does to you...I'd throw him through a third story window...but I guess that's just me...

Well it's a really long story. Everything was fine, untill him and Kaley started fighting. Then he just decided to turn into the so called dick that you think he is.

~carebear~

Reply #18 July 5, 2004 4:03 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Actually, I'm gonna have to say he's always been that "dick" you've both refered to. It's just that that is, honestly, his way of dealing with things...

Capt. over and out!

Reply #19 July 5, 2004 5:21 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Actually, I'm gonna have to say he's always been that "dick" you've both refered to. It's just that that is, honestly, his way of dealing with things...

Well, not really when I first met him which was about a year ago in like a week or so. When I first met him was at Ted Lewis swimming pool for this party/banquet thingy for softball/baseball. He was actually really nice. I know that's hard to believe, but it's true.

~carebear~

Reply #20 July 7, 2004 1:19 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Yeah, he has his moments. But that one time doesn't quite seem to be enough. He's a pain. But he's one of my best friends. I just put up with that stuff pretty well, no biggee.

Capt. over and out!

Reply #21 July 7, 2004 10:29 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Yeah, he has his moments. But that one time doesn't quite seem to be enough. He's a pain. But he's one of my best friends. I just put up with that stuff pretty well, no biggee.

Yeah i guess so. I wish he would have more of those moments. As of right now he's being the "dick". He hasn't even tried to call me since like 3wks ago. He's always talking to Jess. But it figures.

~carebear~

Reply #22 July 7, 2004 10:31 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Well, actually Ashley, Byrd has always been a dick. He will always be a dick. I've asked him about it, and he refuses to quit being a dick. Where Brandon exemplifies all of the good merits in the friendship (trustworthyness, forgiveness, caring, calmness), Ryan is quite the anti-thesis. And although I say this behind his back, I'm quite sure he'd agree with me 100%. Byrd deals with his problems that way.

My art and writing release my anger and frustration. Therefore, most of my articles tend to be deep thought type articles because I try to reach down into the depths of my soul and pull out the answers to the questions I have.

If you ever need to vent, I'm here. (I figured that since we are best friends, and, you know, you're kinda like a brother to me too, I'd offer that one up )

Reply #23 July 7, 2004 11:11 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Actually I DO just call everyone a dude

then dude it is, capt


vanessa XX

Reply #24 July 8, 2004 10:45 PM from JoeUser Forums Top

Well, actually Ashley, Byrd has always been a dick. He will always be a dick. I've asked him about it, and he refuses to quit being a dick. Where Brandon exemplifies all of the good merits in the friendship (trustworthyness, forgiveness, caring, calmness), Ryan is quite the anti-thesis. And although I say this behind his back, I'm quite sure he'd agree with me 100%. Byrd deals with his problems that way.

Ok, I'm going to say this one more time. You guys don't know him like I do. I'm a girl. I have different feelings than what guys are going to. You wouldn't understand, because you were not there when I first met him. You guys have different emotions than what I do. I hope you understand what I'm getting at. And if you don't oh well.

~carebear~

Reply #25 July 9, 2004 4:44 AM from JoeUser Forums Top

So what you're saying, carebear, is that you are naive?

Capt. around and about!