Captain Jack Sparrow Captain Jack Sparrow

G.R.O.S.S. communication thread.

▼

G.R.O.S.S. communication thread.

from Stardock Forums
Cringe in fear do gooders. The G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy alienS) empire is now formed. In less than an hour we have jumped 95 other Pacifist Doo Gooder victim empires and lept into 40th out of 135 ranked.

We are an evil empire bent on controlling everything and showing all the other empires out there who's boss. US. Are you listening Euro-"Oh lets let everyone be a senator and give em a vote doo gooder democracy alliance?" We come for you.

For a limited time, (untill I decide otherwise) 5 Pure Evil games, (or just impressing me with your game evilness) submitted will get you a Senatorship. Later, being the evil empire pyramid scheme we are, it will take 10. Of course, being the evil empire we are, that gives you no benefits, no pay, but all the alien carnage you crave most.

Now we do realize that sometimes, you just have to fake being good. You sometimes just have to infiltrate that pacifist party. We understand. But we aren't a kinder gentler empire and don't let their pacifism go to your head. And just sometimes, you gotta let the Aliens live (where else would you find slaves for the heavy metal lava mines?)

In the future, we shall update each other in the empire via this thread, brag of our conquests, drink blood wine, and generally just poke fun (creatively and humorously) at those players whom we find to be too goody goodyish.

Our mottos.

G.R.O.S.S. Where being good is merely a temporary strategy.

Just win baby.

Here's your ration of skin you do gooder wimp Drengin slime. Now get back to work

EBZeroMatrix you have been made a senator.

I repeat. Cringe in fear, we come for you.





98,600 views 3,706 replies
Reply #1351 from Stardock Forums Top
I'm starting to already liek this stealthfrequency guy. In fact you should be the one that makes people actually walk the plank! *Hands sword over to stealth. Arrrr, there ya go matey, have fun ;)
Sins of a Solar Empire II
Reply #1353 from Stardock Forums Top
Correct you are not, none we send you. No beer do the Jedi have. Shame on you for thinking such things....
End of quote


You may not, but your barkeeps do. HEHEHEHEHE.

Reply #1354 from Stardock Forums Top
Whats up with this I submitted a military victory on a small map with intelligence of fool for all computers worth 5100 points I then submitted a medium map with a alliance victory and a tiny with a military wictory which were worth around 3000 points total the intelligence for the last two were one level above fool for an overall difficulty of beginer what gives?
[Message Edited]
Reply #1357 from Stardock Forums Top
thanks I was just wondering because by my count I should have around 14000 points instead of 8000 thanks for the info and quick reply.
Reply #1360 from Stardock Forums Top
Correct you are not, none we send you. No beer do the Jedi have. Shame on you for thinking such things....
End of quote


The GROSS trooper looks puzzled, checks his beer detector, and replies, "Very anomolous reading I am getting here. You either are tea-totallers or have the biggest stash of beer that any of us have ever detected. Very well, we shall leave, for now."
End of quote


As a member of the Jedi Council, I can assure you that the rank-and-file Jedi are discouraged from keeping beer in the Council halls. Master Yoda insists that we keep our minds clear to better sense disturbances in the Force. There's a case or two of stale Heineken and that's about it. This is one good reason why we spend so much time away on independent missions.

Legend tells of a secret stash hidden in the ancient and mysterious Valley of the Jedi, of which Master Yoda alone knows the location. But legends are often merely myth. Even if this mystical stockpile does exist, after seeing Yoda's fighting moves in the last movie, are you really ready to face the peril?
Reply #1362 from Stardock Forums Top
Well Boss, is that one real gold? Mighty pirtty I must say. Yezzzzzz, nice 'n shiiiney... so very shiiiiiiney
End of quote


Naaaah The Devs are cheap. It's pewter inside..... HEHE. Like the civil war chess set.

Reply #1363 from Stardock Forums Top
Legend tells of a secret stash hidden in the ancient and mysterious Valley of the Jedi, of which Master Yoda alone knows the location. But legends are often merely myth. Even if this mystical stockpile does exist, after seeing Yoda's fighting moves in the last movie, are you really ready to face the peril?
End of quote


LOL LOL LOL LOL Bwahahahahah Look it's the killer rabbit from Monty Python and the holy Grail. Yoda's trying to kill us with laughter.
Reply #1364 from Stardock Forums Top
Legend tells of a secret stash hidden in the ancient and mysterious Valley of the Jedi, of which Master Yoda alone knows the location
End of quote


Tell me about it! You should see that Yoda guy in a chat room..... ;p

Gerakken: my Aussie trained wombat nose for beer tells me you should KEEP LOOKING....
[Message Edited]
Reply #1365 from Stardock Forums Top
OK, seriously now, it's time for me to share some pirate info for the crew's benefit. First, a goof of mine:

land-lovers
End of quote


Sounds right when ya say it, but after checking my Pirate's Guide to Galactic Plundering, I noticed "landlubber" is a real word! It's an awkward or inexperienced person onboard a ship. Someone who loves the land I reckon.

About swords:

Kit I see you have a foil and I a sabre.
End of quote


I believe foils are used strictly for sport. They're a lot like rapiers, except that they have protective tips. The cutlass that I drew was a tad large. Cutlasses are normally short, curved swords. They're more practical at sea. What I drew is also too thick for a saber. I guess it can be considered PBP's custom weapon.
Reply #1366 from Stardock Forums Top
"Where is it? Where iss it?" Pontius heard him crying. "Losst it is, my precious, lost, lost! Curse us and crush us, my precious is lost!"

Thief, thief, thief! We hates it, we hates, it, we hates it for ever!'
Reply #1367 from Stardock Forums Top
Look it's the killer rabbit from Monty Python and the holy Grail. Yoda's trying to kill us with laughter.
End of quote


Fortunately, there are no Arthurian or Crusader-themed empires to try to take out our Master with a Holy Hand Grenade. Even if such a relic were to be found, it would most likely not work in the hands of a pirate...

Meanwhile, on the Survey Ship of Doom:

The overworked Gerakken protest his latest assignment. "Boss, you want an UNHOLY hand grenade? I'm a little busy with these other projects - space barnacle removers, spy reports...Can't we wait until the Jedi get a bit closer before worrying about it?"

But the mighty Pontius didn't get to be a pirate captain and the King of the 'Verse (sorry, METAVERSE - Kit is, of course, the King of Verse) by sitting around and waiting for trouble to arrive. Recognizing the long-term threat posed by the Jedi Republic, he plots his next dastardly move.
Reply #1368 from Stardock Forums Top
Boss, back to #1 again? Grats! :CONGRAT: Your alignment change suggests that you are not slaughtering the normal daily requirement of worms that you usually do. Must be a part of some cunning new alien supression strategy! :)
Reply #1369 from Stardock Forums Top
Boss, back to #1 again? Grats! Your alignment change suggests that you are not slaughtering the normal daily requirement of worms that you usually do. Must be a part of some cunning new alien supression strategy!
End of quote


Actually this is my first time at #1. I am still slaughtering the worms.
Reply #1370 from Stardock Forums Top
Say Recruiter/Gunner/chief engineer. You're quota this week is 4 new recruits. I am heading to the sack early tonight. Shut eye time. Ahhhhh. Sell a multi-million dollar house, take #1 in the metaverse, what a day....

Ray's busy on a quickie to try and take it back though. Maybe I'll get lucky and it will post as anomolous. Teehee.
Reply #1371 from Stardock Forums Top
Sweet dreams, Pontius. A bright silverish morning awaits.
Reply #1372 from Stardock Forums Top
Sweet dreams, Pontius. A bright silverish morning awaits.
End of quote

Perhaps in more ways that one Pontius.....

Reply #1373 from Stardock Forums Top
The Ship of Doom

The odd man looked around the Captain’s den with a grimace.

Pontius looked up from his PC with a worried frown, his Sun King crown at a jaunty angle.
“Don’t mind us, Pookie”, said Mrs Pilot with a wave of her fierce hand. “Go back to your nerdy mates”. Pontius tried to continue typing his congratulatory message, with one ear cocked. He found that sometimes he could do two things at the same time.

The stranger pursed his lips and said, “For this room, I’m thinking something faux”.
Mrs Pilot looked pleased. The man continued: “And that ugly PC has to go. I’m thinking iMac, I’m thinking silver”.

Mrs Pilot nodded with greater enthusiasm: “My Vogues and Marie Claires are in the knitting room”. She pulled at the man’s arm. The man wiped his finger along the dark mahogany bookcase and looked at the dust. Wiping his fingers fastidiously on his colour coordinated handkerchief he said: “Your magazines will be a perfect place to start. Let’s go conceptualize”.

Mrs Pilot and her new friend left the cave-like den, giggling conspiratorially.

The Ship of Doom, earlier

King Pontius I, the Sun King, swept into the throne room.

The gathered pirates, wearing powdered wigs and bright pantaloons, knelt or bowed to the Sun King. Pontius sat on the Versailles throne with a grunt and waited. Spymaster Gerakken finally stood upright and struck a pose. Unfortunately, the long, red Cardinal’s robes hid his lithe, handsome legs. Pontius looked at Gerakken thoughtfully. “What news, Cardinal Richelieu?” Pontius asked, regally.

Nicholas Pousin snickered. Gerakken cast a reproving glare at KitWarrior. To the resplendent Pontius he said: “Oh great and powerful Sun King, Colbert’s financial program goes well. The Huguenot’s are firmly held. Come Colbert, show His Highness your plans”. Ray the Wanderer stepped up, the carefully drafted, hostile take-over report clenched firmly in his expressive hands.

The Versailles meeting ended soon after when Peggy-Sue made her entrance.

The Waltzing Matilda, earlier

Dropbear moaned dramatically. His burp introduced an aroma of stale beer into the sick bay.

Dr Quinn pulled the thermometer from Dropbear, quickly wiped it and studied the temperature.
“Well, you’re not gonna die ya silly bear”, she said. “It’s only beer poisoning. Cheap, nasty beer at that.”

Dropbear whimpered and looked forlorn. He knew his forlorn look would get him an extra tummy scratch and perhaps a chocolate. And it did.

‘Dr Quinn is a great medicine woman’ thought Dropbear, just before he passed out.
Reply #1374 from Stardock Forums Top
The Ship of Doom, earlier

Darth Bob broke the spell with an innocent giggle. Hearty laughs echoed through the Survey Ship of Doom as the entire crew cracked up. EBZ hollered, "pirates being audited?!?!" The laughter intensified. Gerakken threw in, "interior design? On THIS ship?!?!" The laughter rolled on.

The Ship of Doom, earlier

Spymaster Gerakken finished putting his Cardinal’s robes on, and turned towards the quartermaster. His make-up had already run and he had used a little too much rouge.

“Bloody auditors and decorators AND ESPECIALLY artistic types. I’d give them all to Stealthfrequency to make ‘em walk the gangplank if I had my way”. The quartermaster’s dark countenance paled.

“Now”, Gerakken continued, “your report on our beer consumption. And quartermaster…”. The quartermaster looked up, worriedly. “I assume we’ll fool the auditors again this year?”

The quartermaster nodded quickly in agreement: “We’re not stupid boss. We know all the tricks”.

The Ship of Doom, earlier

The newly installed animal feces alarm clanged abruptly.

Dropbear looked around curiously. But he had, unbeknownst to him, chosen his time well. The pirates had gathered for Yoda’s daily yoga and spiritual healing hour and were in no mood to threaten an intruder. The Ship of Doom was open to any and all.

Dropbear motioned to the odd man who was patiently waiting on the gangplank, and together they moved through the ship’s metallic corridors, to the room which had a sign: ‘Pirate Wives Hairdressing Salon’. Dropbear handed a wad of money to the odd man and said: “You know what to do”. The man nodded eagerly. Curiously, Dropbear asked, somewhat tipsily: “Do you recommend solid mahogany for the marital bedroom?”. The other man chuckled: “Heavens no. The current fashion is for a thin veneer of mahogany”.

The salon was bright and cheerful, with many mirrors. “Mrs Pilot”, said Dropbear with a grin, “meet Bruce”. Bruce the designer stopped chatting with Nigel the hairdresser and took Mrs Pilot’s hand with a flourish. “Darling, you look ravishing” he said, as he bent to kiss her hand. Mrs Pilot, rollers in her hair, tittered. “Now, I have some colour charts for you to look at. I’m thinking lavenders and primrose…” said Bruce.

The other pirate wives looked on, jealously.

The G.R.O.S.S. Co-operative Building Society Bank, earlier

Mrs Pax handed over the money with pride. The bank clerk counted the bundle of greenbacks and stamped the Visa credit card bill. “Well done Mrs Pax. It’s not often anyone pays a credit card bill completely off!” They beamed at each other.

“Between you and me, Jimmie, I just wanted to have more quality time with Mr Pax. This is my little present to him for being such a caring husband who devotes all his spare time to me”.

“You’re a lucky lady, Mrs Pax. And now he can’t blackmail you with the visa bill either. Haha”.

Mrs Pax snorted. “Well you know Jimmy, Mr Pax is not like that. It wouldn’t enter his adorable mind”. Young Jimmie was impressed: he shook his head in amazement. ‘How funny married couples are’, he thought, ‘Gosh I can’t wait until I’ve married my adorable pirate Peggy-Sue’.

Jimmie turned to the next customer, a short, daggy bear. “Good morning um, sir?”.
Reply #1375 from Stardock Forums Top
The Ship of Doom, earlier

The auditor clipped his Ship of Doom Visitor’s Pass on.

CypherPax adjusted his eye patch and motioned the landlubber to proceed into the Ship of Doom. The auditor tried not to stare at the pirate playing by the gangplank. The pirate was poking a teddy with a large cutlass, pretending the teddy was walking the plank, and then tipped it brutally off. “Aren’t ya late for the poetry reading, Stealthfrequency mate?” asked CypherPax as he and the auditor passed.

The auditor had been sent from Matthew & Son, with strict instructions to not upset the rather touchy and bellicose pirates, especially when they’d had a tipple. He composed his features and mentally prepared for a very tedious audit. Matthew’s son had assured him that there would be embezzlements a plenty in the pirate’s cooked books. There was every year.

But the auditor knew all the tricks.

The Waltzing Matilda, earlier

Dropbear turned his back towards Space Wombat. “Wombie, I haven’t shaved for awhile, and you know I could only ask this of a mate. Ah, any dags on me?” he asked, innocently. Wombie quickly glanced at Dropbear, and sure enough, two round, solid dags were hanging stiffly. Wombie wrinkled his nose: “Not at all Dropie, clean as a whistle”. Dropbear nodded with relief.

“Well, wish me luck Wombie. I’m off to use my well-polished stand-under tactics on the G.R.O.S.S. Co-operative Building Society Bank. We can use their own money against them”. Wombat looked concerned: “Is that ethical Dropbear?” Dropbear rolled his eyes: “Sheesh Wombie, I reckon it’s OK to commit crimes if it helps the State. Anyways, may as well hang for a sheep, as for a lamb”. They laughed together, unashamedly.

“Come on Dropie, for once in your life at least try a beer or two. It’ll give you courage for the mission. It’s good Melbourne beer”. Wombie cracked a slab and against his better judgment, Dropbear took a swig, or two.

The Ship of Doom, earlier

Pirate Peggy-Sue quivered with excitement when she heard the news: she loved to play the French Court bimbo. And she so loved men wearing make-up and powdered wigs.