Quiet befell the village at sunset and everyone locked themselves indoors because it was then that the vampires came out to suck the blood (and other bodily fluids) of the

peasants.

Peasants are the human equivalent of Pheasants and if you'll take note the 'H' stands for human.

Duh...                                                                   

Duh, I once watched a pheasant plucker studying laboriously as he diligently laboured to quickly pluck a pheasant, and in his haste, you should have heard the mess he got himself into as he tried in vain to explain to onlookers what he was

doing.

Doing what had to be done is pretty vital for laborers.

Worker

Worker caught diddling the till was shamed by his boss with a photograph of his implant in the cash drawer in the local

newspaper.

Newspapers sometimes contain the most outrageous, nonsensical, inordinate, boisterous, ambiguous, unambiguous, mundane, nostalgic, insane, inane

stuff.

Stuff newspapers.... into your shoes when they get wet, it helps to keep their shape and prevents leather

shrinkage.

Shrinkage happens when things that went missing before show up after you've already replaced them and re-insinuate themselves into the mix without you knowing it.

Dazed

Dazed and confused is how I feel first thing in the morning prior to my first caffiene

fix.

Fix is in...sandpail in the ninth.

Bet

Bet you can't do it twice.

okay,

Okay, now here's the deal and don't forget to hide the cabbage first.

First

First thing in the morning I experience about two dozen enormous starkerbarks, all one after the other while I am stretching prior to getting out of

bed.

(How many windows did you replace or are they open when you rise and bark?)

Bed is a good place to be when you want to fool around

some.

Some people go to bed to fool around some, but I go to bed to sleep and sometimes play dutch

ovens.

Ovens are usually used for cooking food not Dutch stuff.

Again

Again and again, you question my knowledge of dutch ovens, and I doubt very much that you would understand the pleasure derived from watching the sheets lifting so

effortlessly.

Dude, I'm from Brooklyn. We don't do Dutch Ovens. We go straight for the.............good stuff.

Effortlessly we do whatever it takes to put the whammy on the local yokels who think they know it all but know less than the average

noodnick!

Noodnick is another word for know-it-less from what I can tell, and in my time I've met many a noodnick who thought they were a know-it-all, but at the end of the day they ended up knowing

squat.

Squat is a word known to Ozzians. Up north we tell 'em ya don't know diddly 'bout nuthin.

Fuhgetaboutit.

Fuhgetaboutit and you'll miss out on possibly one of the most stupendous moments in

life.

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

forest

Forest fires often singe the butt fur of laxidazical bears who are slow getting away from the

flames

SPELLCHECK......SPELLCHECK......

lackadaisical with a 'ck'

ENDSPELLCHECK

flames kept getting bigger and bigger and

bigger.

Bigger flames need to be extinguished by much larger

hoses.