Yup, alien abductions and too many anal probes will do that.

So was I but I overcame that little abnormality by going bonkers instead.

Being insane is NOT an abnormality!  It is one of the most natural states on Earth and is quite pleasant once you become accustomed to the surroundings

The only difference between sane and insane is the majority.

Nope, the only difference between the sane and the insane is pride in wearing the strait jacket.

If I turn on the lava lamp by six PM
it's doing something by prime time.
It has to get warm first.

How many times can I watch every episode of Firefly before I lose my gorram mind?

*I can't eat nuts so it's usually Oreos or Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts.

I haven't been able to go out since October and am currently working on getting the wife to buy me the ingredients to make homemade Baileys Irish Creme.

So I can dunk my Oreos.

Cause I don't like milk that much.

Smedley, me old mate, you have to be in possession of something before you can lose it... and like me, sanity is something you've barely got your fingertips to, much less a grip on.  But never mind, you're in fine company.  Some of the greatest people are or were insane.  Take Bill Clinton, for example.  I mean, it was insane to leave DNA on an intern's dress, but he since got a journalist being held as a spy in Asia released, and that is to be commended.

So yeah, there are some great people who are [were] insane.  Like Albert Einstein, for instance.  Not that the theory of relativity means much to the ordinary bloke in the street, but he contributed greatly to the understanding of modern world while being as mad as a hatter.  Same with Mozart, Picasso and Po Smedley!  All mad as hatters but nonetheless still wonderful contributors to the arts.

Shaunna usually makes homemade Bailey's for New Year's, not that I drink it, but I took a little taste test once and it's not too far off the original, and yeah, use Jameson's Irish Whiskey to get the authentic Irish flavour.

Not that keen, either, but I don't like water... cos fish f**k in it.  If I have to drink water I prefer it has been flavoured with beer first, so if there is any seamen swimming around in it I won't really notice.

The sh*tting and the p*ssing don't bother ya, then?

Yeah, but I didn't want to go saying too much, just in case it turned water drinkers off it and caused a subsequent beer shortage.

Then you'd really be up s**t''s creek without a paddle huh.

Yup, up shit Creek in a barbed wire canoe using a crowbar for a paddle.

That's gonna hurt.

And if you've ever seen or been in a barbed wire canoe, you'll know it ain't exactly watertight/leak-proof.... which ain't much good when you're up Shit Creek

GET OUTTA MY HEAD CANOE!!

Who needs a canoe when you can have this