[0.99] Grammar Stuff 2

The beginning of the main game

from Elemental Forums

More grammar crap. As always, some things may seem picky but I'm just callin' 'em like I sees 'em. Thanks Derek for getting on these so fast :)

This focuses on the beginning of the game. It'll probably be all for today, as I think this will at least cover the initial impressions of folks who buy next week.

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Who Are You? (Nations Screen)

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Nobles’ Revolt

the one overriding cause they have in common: freedom.

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some… and monsters (yes this is kindof picky but it’s sort of awkward without the and)

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gladiators, and slaves

discipline and order. (no comma)

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it is only sense to make an alliance with them (it is only sense is kindof awkard, consider changing to "it only makes sense to" or just "it makes sense to")

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respect and allegiance. (no comma)

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warriors; violence

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Map Settings and World Options

Note that the typical intelligence of opponents is selected here and then also on the following screen, which is confusing.

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A balanced number of quests will be placed on the map. (all other options are full sentences, this one is a fragment)

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The AI uses its best algorithms, gets slight economic advantages, and has slightly buffed sovereigns.

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Beginning “books”

 

Obviously these are voiced and can’t change much as far as wording (and don’t need to! the words themselves are fine) but there are some commas and stuff.

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This you are determined to change. (no comma)

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Fallen alike – a civilization (was a sentence fragment)

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manifest to you: the bridges (before and after a semicolon requires complete clauses, but a colon can be used here instead)

monuments and build (no comma, because the sentence already has too many clauses)

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than yourself, better

Elemental - including

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The rest follow you now, as all others will soon. None can withstand your power. Those who will not yield will die. Those who survive will serve. (the last two are "no commas")

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Tips (so far)

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tax rate, as it

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resulting in a damage multiplier to some spells and increased mana generation for your Faction (needs to be a clause like this for parallel structure)

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access to. Keep an eye out

 

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I'll have more tomorrow, I have to sort them out and finish off sections before I post them. Someday I'll even get to play the game! :P

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Reply #1 from Elemental Forums Top

Boy am I glad we have an external tester willing to do this, thank you!

I too am looking forward to actually relaxing back with the game as a player after launch, and there are certainly others here who share the sentiment.  I'm quite excited for the Workshop myself.  This is a wonderful beta community though, and I will miss it.

Reply #2 from Elemental Forums Top


I might make a recommendation to look through the xml files for all the quests. It might make this process you are doing easier.

Elemental: Reforged
Reply #3 from Elemental Forums Top

Thanks, yeah I'm thinking the same for the tips if possible, but I haven't looked into it. I haven't had the game long enough to go poking through and see what I can find. These were easy to find, thankfully.

Reply #4 from Elemental Forums Top

All fixed, thanks again!  (well, i don't use the oxford comma, but I checked in everything else)

Reply #5 from Elemental Forums Top

Note for future Stardock games: Hire JackArbiter to proofread everything. He'll get your back, Jack. :)

Reply #6 from Elemental Forums Top

In the description of Procipinee:

than yourself, better
End of quote

No comma is necessary. As I read the sentence, the comma between "less gifted" and "less fortunate" takes the place of a conjunction.

In the description of Verga:

Many things are said of you: that your own mother called you a monster (no comma) and cast you out...

Strength of arms, magic, and will.

For nineteen days, you marched across the desert sands (no comma) until...

Reply #7 from Elemental Forums Top

NOOOOOOOOOO!

Derek, thou hast plunged a knife into my heart. Proper grammar is not debatable unless you write for newspapers  >:(

Here is a breakdown which I copypasted because this isn't really important enough for me to blab on about it after you've already decided :)

The only authorities who advocate omitting the final comma are newspaper style guides (which wish to save column space) and some English writers (who waffle on the rule).

My original assertion stands, with minor qualifications: Except for journalists, all American authorities say to use the final serial comma: "He went to the store to buy milk, butter, and eggs."

The reason for the final serial comma is to prevent the last 2 items' being confused as a unit (butter-and-eggs).

:P

Reply #8 from Elemental Forums Top

Quoting zigzag, reply 7


In the description of Verga:

Many things are said of you: that your own mother called you a monster (no comma) and cast you out...

Strength of arms, magic, and will.
End of zigzag's quote

You ninja'd me by 2 seconds. :)

Technically the first part of Verga is a bit of a mess because the second sentence is a fragment, but that's how it's spoken... anyway, I agree with the colon. Derek already nixed the idea of serial commas which makes me sadface.

I still think the comma before better under Procipinee is necessary if only to understand what is going on there, but maybe there is some rule that says otherwise, and it could work without it I suppose. I'd rewrite it a little for clarity but it's already spoken by the narrator.

I hope you continue to look at this as I proceed. I'm not sure how far I'll go, though.

Reply #9 from Elemental Forums Top

Thank you, thank you to the grammar checkers!  Grammar is such an immersion breaker for me.  Thank you!

Reply #10 from Elemental Forums Top

Quoting JackArbiter, reply 8


The only authorities who advocate omitting the final comma are newspaper style guides (which wish to save column space) and some English writers (who waffle on the rule).
End of JackArbiter's quote

 

And one of my magazine editors. :|