THE ORDER
Wild Wombat looked out of the transport's window as it approached the Jedi Council Great Hall. Coruscant's traffic flow was ceaseless, but today the traffic seemed to move in slow motion. Nervous and excited, he watched as the Great Hall finally grew larger and the transport set down opposite the main entrance. He rushed inside, to be greeted by Qui-Gonn Jinn, waiting patiently at the reception desk.
"Greetings, Wild One." intoned the Jedi master. "Today is a great day...I trust your trip was pleasant?"
"Indeed, Master Qui-Gonn. Recgnition from the Jedi is a great honour...I shall do my best to prove myself worthy of the friendship of the Jedi." Wombat looked around wonderingly at the high arched ceilings of the Great Hall. "Long have I wondered about the Jedi Order. Um...do I get to be someone's Paddle-Pop?"
"That's PADAWAN, and NO, you are not actually entering the Jedi order." said the Jedi in a slightly exasperated tone. "You will receive the honourary membership from Master Yoda himself. Perhaps you would like to observe some of our traiing in action? Yes? Follow me."
With that, Qui-Gonn led Wombat through a large set of double doors that opened into a long corridor. Wombat suddenly froze. He looked carefully at the doorway.
Qui-Gonn glanced back at Wombat. " Something troubles you, Wild One?"
"This door...it is white on this side...but it's DARK on the other side! I know what this means...I've heard Obi talk about this all the time! Wow! Even the decor has a DARK side!"
"It was a simple interior design decision, Wombat, nothing to do with the order. We...er...moved in here after one of the local football teams relocated. They wore black and white striped jumpers, if I recall."
"Mmm...of course." Wombat nodded his head knowingly and smiled.
Qui-GOnn shook his head and strode swiftly down the corridor. He stopped outside a small chamber, and motioned to the still figures of Obi-Wan and Master Yoda, meditating and murmuring in low voices inside. "Obi-Wan and Master Yoda have practised this ritual together for years. None of us know what it is, but we all respect their devotion." Qui-Gonn moved off further down the corridor, but Wombat quietly snuck back and put his ear to the glass window. He could just make out their soft voices:
"You are old, Master Yoda" Obi-Wan said
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly levitate on your head -
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"
"In my youth," Master Yoda replied to Obi-Wan,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."
The two broke into giggles of laughter. Wombat backed slowly away and scurried down the corridor to catch up with Qui-Gonn.
At that moment, a dark hooded figure swished past Qui-Gonn and Wombat, giving a curt nod to the Jedi master. "Who was that?" asked Wombat.
Qui-Gonn sighed. "The Jedi Order maintains an open policy to all...even those who follow the dark path. KEmperor is a valuable member of the organisation, even though some think he can't count properly. I mean, there's only supposed to be TWO Sith, but now everybody wants a piece of the action. Anyway, he is a..a...well - we have a code which swops the letters within words, like 'stop' becomes 'sotp'; you can use that to translate er, unpleasant titles."
Wombat concentrated fiercely, frowning. His eyes widened. "You mean...he's a Arkd Dorl of the Shit! How can a Dorl of the Shit be part of the Jedi Order!"
The Jedi master looked down at Wombat. "These days...we take all sorts."
Qui-Gonn led Wild Wombat to the central dais of the Great Hall. The Jedi had assembled and Master Yoda stood in the centre of the group holding a gold medallion. He motioned for Wombat to step forward.
"Pleased we are, this day, to welcome our friend Wild Wombat to honorary membership of the Order." Yoda drew himself up to his full height and stepped towards Wombat. In doing so, it was apparent he was 0.01 mm taller than Wombat.
"You're wearing platform shoes!" hissed Wombat.
"Such things, I wear not!" whispered back Yoda crossly. "Great care, you take, lest you find this medallion TOO tight a fit, if you know what I mean!"
The ceremony proceeded smoothly, and Wild Wombat was duly welcomed into the ranks of the honourary Jedi. A celebration followed and Wombat received his true initiation - they taught him the Jedi Drinking Song, known only to members of the Order.
[A gift for my Jedi friends! And apologies to Lewis Carroll. Aw hell, I may as well just apologise for the whole thing.]
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