Sexual Frustration

Interesting Title Don't You Agree?

from JoeUser Forums
Okay so at the bball game me and shaun had a conversation about sex. This one was significant however. I just read sams article on sex and I was thinking. I want to know other opinions, i'm not some sex crazed maniac who is just looking to get laid, I seriously just want some answers.

Why are we supposed to wait til marriage? Okay, i understand sex is sacred and beautiful and ment to be cherished. But if I'm in love with someone (once again i know it requires maturity, and a lot of other stuf, this is purely hypothetical.) why does having some reverend tell me "okay its alright to have sex now" make it suddenly okay. I mean seriously. What is marriage, to me it is a commitment between to people that love each other and God, it is a exclamation of love and trust and what not. Do i need some preacher to tell me that? Sex is so personal, why does it have to be at the same time for everyone?

Okay call me immature, but if youre going to be with someone your whole life, wouldn't you want to know if you have good sex first? I mean most people will probably be all like but thats not what matter the most. But you have to admit, it is significant. If youre going to be with only that one person for the rest of your life, wouldn't you want it to be good. But then from what i hear sex is good if youre in love, so it won't necessarily matter.

Last thing, is oral sex enough to make me not a virgin anymore? Its supposed to be how you feel afterwards or something that makes you a virgin/non virgin. Its been a substanial amount of time, I guess i feel like a virgin. I don't know. They say that oral sex is very intimate and what not. I don't know how i feel about this.

I don't not wanted to be judged by the conservatives on this site. Okay? I have my own way at looking at things. Also if you have some its in the bible response, please save it, i already know. Its cool if youre waiting for marriage, or just waiting as i am, i just want to know what you all think.
9,334 views 38 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm not sure why marriage is such a big deal...I mean all you need is a Reverend(Like me) or a Priest to basically say..."You're hooked up now go hump away and make some children"...That's really all marriage turns out to be....well, there are some insurance deductions and stuff like that...but other than finances that's all it equals. I'm a Reverend so I should be able to tell people to have sex?...I'm not sure, but if it makes them feel better, than sure...why not?

I obtained my Reverendship here if you're wondering Link


~Zoo
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
The prinples behind mariage are very important to me, but the thing itself is just kind of like a big waste of time and money. That web site is kind of creepy...if i should decide i'm ready to have sex, i'll make sure to get your blessing or whatever. lol.
Sins of a Solar Empire II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well, being a Christian, I'll share the reasons I'm saving sex for marriage. Any one of these reasons is a good enough one for me.

1) I aim to please God. Not because I have to, but because He knows what's best.
2) I know God is good and that His consequences for disobeying him are no fun, and that the blessings for obeying Him are greatly rewarding.
3) I respect myself and my future spouse enough to wait.
4) I think it will be incredibly romantic and special to tell my spouse on my wedding night that I waited just for him.
5) I haven't yet heard any couples, who saved themselves for marriage, say the regret it. I've heard way too many stories of regret of people who have had sex before marriage.
6) Three letters (four if it's plural ): STDs
7) Abstinence is the only sure-fire way to protect against pregnency
8) Being the stubborn person I am, and knowing many adults don't believe that I'll be able to save myself, I want to prove them wrong.
9) The guilt I would experience would be overbearing and completely not worth it.
10) Who wants used goods?

As far as oral sex is concerned, I want to be pure for my husband, and whether is constitutes as losing your virginity or not is all a matter of semantics. Think of it this way: how far would you want your future husband to go with girls he's dating before you?

Ultimately and obviously, the choice is yours. I can assure you, though, it will be completely and totally worth the wait, if that's what you decide. Hope I didn't sound preachy... wasn't trying to.

~Sarah
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
I don't see any reason why you should wait to get married. That said, you should be very very picky about who you sex with. Otherwise it is likely to come back and haunt you.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Other Sarah~ thanks those are really good reasons. I too want to please God and I understand his ways are not quite my ways, but i get what your saying its very helpful. I just don't understand the marriage thing. And I feel the need to question things before I partake in them. Oral sex, already been there and done that, i just pray that my future husband won't mind


Brad~ of course this is always on option too.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think that you should wait till you're married. But you already knew that. It shouldn't matter if the sex is good or not, it should matter wether or not you love them. But I think you already knew that.

~carebear~
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Yeah ash i did, but its the why marriage thing that still bugs me
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Because of the hope that it is harder to leave a marriage than a relationship without public vows of faith

I have 3 kids, all with the same father, all out of wedlock, and now he is gone, just left like dust in the wind, and my last child with him made for his 10th child, all out of wedlock.

the choice is yours, and yours alone to make. Just remember the consiquences.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
If you're willing to go oral on somebody, you are not really a virgin. Its like a principle or something. I have known women who would only have straight intercourse rather than have to go down on somebody, so in that regard you are more experienced and kinky than them. Oral sex is a very intimate thing, at least to me, and I will only do it for people I really love... or if I'm really drunk(just kidding!) As for waiting for marriage, I wouldn't, there is nothing more awkward than your first time and you don't want that haunting you for the rest of your marriage. Good Luck, Smelly..
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
but its the why marriage thing that still bugs me


It's for the same reason why some cultures prefer women to dress in black with a veil and not show skin in public.

Sex before marriage is a cultural thing influenced by old-skool Christianity. Adhering to it is like choosing to wear all black with a veil and not showing skin in public. Do culture's rules align with your own inner wisdom? The answer is different for everybody, which is what makes like so rich.

is oral sex enough to make me not a virgin anymore?


If you lose your cherry after having oral sex then you need to see your dentist.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top

( . . . in other words, sex after marriage in our culture is because of the Bible. I didn't want to say that because you'd already written, "If you have some its in the bible response, please save it, i already know.")
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Why get married first? My reasoning is plain and simple. It would upset my mom if she found out that I ever had sex before I got married. I'm not so worried about what the Bible says as I am worried about what kind of image I'd be creating.

Capt. over and out!
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
also... I'm afraid that someone might accuse me of only getting married because I had sex and ended up with a baby. Then again, I kind of already said that, huh? Oh well.

Capt. over and out!
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
be careful about sex because of disease and/or pregnancy firstly, and because it can fuck your mind up and your friendships

having said all that, the christian preoccupation with sex is out of control

don't let jesus scare you
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hmm, I haven't seen you in a while Brandon... I'm surprised at you.

~Sarah
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top

Why get married first? My reasoning is plain and simple. It would upset my mom if she found out that I ever had sex before I got married. I'm not so worried about what the Bible says as I am worried about what kind of image I'd be creating.


It's all the same principle anyway. Not having sex before marriage on account of another (whether it be your mom, or God, or your culture's "word of God"), is a form of peer-pressure. The Bible has simply created this particular peer pressure on a larger, cultural scale, (which was the point I was making earlier).

What is the real logic in not having sex before marriage? I don't think there is much, really - other than basing it on one's own personal preference.

Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sarah:
Okay, i understand sex is sacred and beautiful and ment to be cherished.


Ha ha ha . . . not always . . . sometimes sex is just sex . . . it's not this holy thing . . . it's pleasure and lust. That's not a bad thing.

Sex is so personal, why does it have to be at the same time for everyone?


You should have sex whenever you feel like you want to have sex . . . just be careful because sex can change things between you and the person that you have sex with. Don't have sex because someone else is pressuring you or you want to make them happy . . . have sex because you WANT to . . . because it feels like the appropriate time and place and person (and position, he he he). You should be in control of your sexual experiences . . . YOU call the shots on who and when and where and why.

My advice is for you to get on birth control of some sort and be sure to have a condom with you . . . make sure you understand safe sex practices.

But then from what i hear sex is good if youre in love, so it won't necessarily matter.


Not neccessarily. Sex isn't some magical thing that's all wrapped up in love . . . I mean, sure, sex can be a very loving and intimate act, but just because you are "in love" doesn't mean that someone is going to feel good to you or know how to please you . . . and just because you're not "in love" with someone doesn't mean that you can't have amazing sex with them.

Last thing, is oral sex enough to make me not a virgin anymore?


I don't think so, but I wouldn't worry too much about trying to label yourself as a virgin or non-virgin. That really doesn't matter. Oral sex is whatever it is to you . . . I personally consider it more "intimate" than the sexual act itself, but that's just me. If you enjoy giving and/or receiving oral sex, then by all means, do that. Just understand that you need to protect yourself from diseases just as you would during intercourse.

Take some time to learn about your own body and what feels good to you . . . get a vibrator if you can . . . enjoy being a woman!

Best wishes.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
Tex~ I like your explanation it wasn't flowery and it made me think. You know what, youre right in a lot of ways. I should do something because i want to do it, not becasue of someone elses standards. Some people might say you degraded sex or whatever, but i don't think so, i think you were honest and i admire that. And i would never have sex with out some form of protection. And as for the oral sex thing, i cant say that i think its more intamate than sex because you know i've never had actual intercourse, but i don't that its very intamite and i will live by my own convictions as i go.

Brandon~ I think its cute how you want to make your mom happy, and i understand that you don't want to end up like other members of your family. You have some issues with image, i mean i understand your reasoning, but i don't really care about image.

Brummy Boy~ i like what you said about culture, its very true that old school christian princples are still in afftect, and that doesn't make sense.

Myrrander~ I will still wait until i am fully ready mentally and emotionally so i don't screw up my mind.

Thanks everyone for the comments they were really helpful!!!!!!!!
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sarah: I'm really glad you found it helpful . . . when I was younger I had a lot of hang ups and confusion about sex because of all the religious pressure around me, and I really hope that you are able to escape that and that you will be able to enjoy sex for what it is, not what others tell you it should be . . . you seem to be very open about it, and I think that is an awesome thing. Best wishes.
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
As stated in the hilarious movie "Eurotrip" America was found by prudes who wanted to get away from all the kinky sex in Europe....so move to Europe and you wouldn't have to think about this at all...

Why get married first? My reasoning is plain and simple. It would upset my mom if she found out that I ever had sex before I got married. I'm not so worried about what the Bible says as I am worried about what kind of image I'd be creating



As stated in the movie "Waterboy" what mamma don't know won't hurt her....heh heh...you probably won't see it that way, but something to think about anyway....

~Zoo
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
Tex~ Once again thanks. I am very open about it, and it doesn't initimidate or inhibit me like it does so many of my conservative christian friends.

Zoo~ I really don't think he's going to find that helpful.

Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
I would also like to add, that my parent's don't think or didn't think that i am virgin. So when it comes to my parents, I couldn't care less.
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top

One other thing:

People of quality look for other people of quality. I suspect most people can understand and respect others who have had sex outside of wedlock, especially if it were part of a commited relationship.  But sex -- oral or not -- is not something to be entered lightly.  If you go around giving oral sex to guys on a regular basis, it will come back to haunt you.  The reason is that you decrease the pool of men who will want to be with you.

It has nothing to do with fairness. It has nothing to do with "someone who truly loves me will accept me for who i am" or other bullshit that people will feed you. The fact is, in the real world this stuff does matter.  If your long term goal is to end up marrying some trailer park guy, then you can lower the bar and go nuts.  On the other hand, if you are hoping one day to be with a many who loves and respects you who also has self-respect then you will want to be very very careful.

The issue is about respect.  People of quality simply don't want to hang around people who have no personal respect.  And the reality is, women who sleep around or give oral sex to many men are seen as not having self-respect.  And self-respecting men don't want to associate with women who have no self-respect.  The same goes the other way around too. Women have different criteria of what constitutes self-respect (which is why we have the whole studs/sluts thing - it's about self-respect, not sex).

Just be careful.

Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
Myrrander~ I will still wait until i am fully ready mentally and emotionally so i don't screw up my mind.


best decision you can make, IMO

you seem to have a good idea about things, so good on ya
Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
Zoo~ I really don't think he's going to find that helpful.


Yeah, the good Capt. is a little strict when it comes to things of that nature...

~Zoo