The tales of the agent - part five
The pondering of Harel - or why Koala is a very strange animal indeed
The agent stood for a while in the darkness of the room, eyeing Koala with interest. It was quite puzzling. The strange animal was sitting there, eating his choclate bar, and quite enjoying it. He should - is was milk mixed with hazlenut, a really good treat.
"You seem pleased" the agent said, and watched Koala jump three feet into the air.
"What are you doing here?" He stammered.
"Well, I WAS hunting you. It should be of no surprise to you that I finally found you".
"But I just saw you leave! With your mother!"
The agent raised his brow in real surprise.
"You thought that was me? Surely you jest. He missed."
"But I thought that was because you are cruel and seeking to prolong my torture..."
"Oh, no, foolish Koala. I loath you, no doubt, but I do not prolong the death unneeded. I DO have other jobs to know."
The agent let Koala digest that for a while.
"It was a pretty good skit, thought. You made the entire chase very convincing. It was really written quite well."
Koala blushed for a while, then turned pale again as the agent eyed bore into him.
"Of course, you DID try to use the jewish polish mother card. If it was really me in there, I would be quite... vexed. That's low, even for you."
Stammering, Koala said: "Then who was he?"
"No idea, but every so often there are a bunch of guys that try to morph to my appearance. The sheer terror my facade brings usually allows them to complete their task quite... effiecently."
"So... now what?"
"Now... nothing."
"What?"
"Look. I've chased you throught countless planets. You ran for your life. Look, you even just soiled yourself. I am not THAT cruel. I'll end your life at another day. For now, let's go out and do something. In fact, I know just the place."
Back in Barad-Dur
"WELCOME, HAREL, WELCOME TO SAURON INN!"
"Glad to be back, Sauron dude, glad to be back. I brought a friend."
"I SEE. HE IS HAIRY AND VULGAR."
"That he is. Koala, meet Sauron, the dark lord."
"yayayayayayayayaya...."
"He doesn't talk much."
"I CAN SEE THAT."
"I see you upgraded your voice to capitals."
"YES. A DARK LORD NEEDS HIS CAPITALS. AND YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS BROUGHT A FLOTILLA OF VISITORS. WE ARE QUITE SWAMPED."
"Glad to help".
"I THINK ABOUT EXPANDING TO THE MARSH BOGS, BUILD A HEALTH SPA THERE."
"Sounds good. So, two rooms, please."
"OF COURSE".
The agent led the bewildred Koala to his room.
"there, there, old chap, relax, it's safe here."
"You... you... are not going to kill me, are you?"
"Oh no", said the agent, smiling while opening the door. "He is".
Wombat stood inside the room, filling it nearly to the brim.
"I believe he wants to talk with you. Something about 'puny minion'?"
Koala turned 180 degrees, and stared at the agent.
"You did this! All of this! Just to get back to me! You said you will never miss just to prolong my pain! You said you are not that cruel!"
Here the agent was filled with holy wrath, and grappled Koala, lifting his from the floor.
"No, I am MORE cruel. Why miss and let you suffer for another minute when I can mess with your mind and let you suffer for another week? A month? Foolish animal. You WILL die. And there are no polish mothers to save you this time. I WILL have my revenge."
He tossed Koala in front of Wombat pews, who snarled.
"Oh, look" the agent suddently laughted. "You soiled yourself again".
The agent slowly closed the door behind him, to the beautiful sounds of screaming and torn limbs. He smiled, and all was well in Middle Earth.
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