i'm such a tea(se)

... aka 'what floats my boat' ;)

from JoeUser Forums

Care to know what 'floats my boat' ?

Exactly what does 'the little chef' need to do to 'stir my sauce' ?

Could it be sexual gymnastics ?

Endless preening, posturing and posing perhaps ?

Expensive meals, good wine, luxurious backrubs maybe?

Or even bending over backwards to make me happy with endless romance, flowers, heart-warming films and other such essential accoutrements ?

Nah.

If you want to see me writhe in ecstasy and slink across the carpet towards you in a frenzy of uncontrollable lust, then make me a nice cup of tea, there’s a love.

I mean it.

I've never met a man that can make the perfect cup of tea, but the very moment I do, I am going to knock him to the floor and shag him senseless.

Why ? Why can’t they do it ? What’s wrong with you people ?

Why will men spend fifty bucks on a book about ‘how to find the g-spot’ or spend seven hours trawling the net for the perfect night out and yet refuse to spend five minutes learning how to make a cup of tea that doesn’t taste like they washed their socks in it ?.

Please, single men of the world, if you want sex, don’t worry about looking all poncy and smelling all good. Forget about being rich or famous. Just learn how to brew a halfway decent cup of tea and you’ll be three-deep in women begging for your favours.

Lose those cheesy pick up lines forever – I promise you’ll get all the lovin’ you want if you approach a woman and say “I have some great new Chai at home, would you like to try it ?”.

If you do this, women will have sex with you just so they will be there when you make tea the next morning !. They will !. And they’ll say things like: “Make me another cup of tea like this one, and I’ll drink it out of your navel”

Ask your Nana if you have to, but whatever you do, learn to make that tea ... how hard can it possibly be ?

 

 

9,101 views 42 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Okay, I'm learning to make tea this instant! In the past if at all possible! Thanks for the great tip!
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Why will men spend fifty bucks on a book about ‘how to find the g-spot’


Whaaaat? No man I know would EVER do such a thing! They'd spend $50 on a book about "How to give the perfect blowjob" and give it to a woman as a gift.
Sins of a Solar Empire II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Boil water, add tea bag, make bag dance around water until water is well flavored, drink. Does that about sum it up? Can't be that simple, because I'm not one deep (let alone three) in women.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top

Okay, I'm learning to make tea this instant! In the past if at all possible! Thanks for the great tip!
 

you go for it, njforever ! go boy, go ! make that tea, baby ! oh yeah !

Whaaaat? No man I know would EVER do such a thing! They'd spend $50 on a book about "How to give the perfect blowjob" and give it to a woman as a gift.

citahellion, i wish i could say that you're wrong ... *sigh* ... but i fear that, as always, you are correct !. (and you're here when i am ! trippy !)

mig XXX

Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top

Does that about sum it up?

well danny, you have the basics there. but you've also got blends of tea, special flavours, varied steeping times, varied strengths, pot or bag issues, sugar or lemon prferences, milk or no milk ... it's a science, it really is !

mig XXX

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
I've never met a man that can make the perfect cup of tea, but the very moment I do, I am going to knock him to the floor and shag him senseless.


Er, then I better not mention that H can make an excellent brew, 'cause I'm the only one who gets to shag him senseless.

-A.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
https://forums.joeuser.com/Forums.aspx?ForumID=23&AID=73544

does this mean i'm in there?
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

Er, then I better not mention that H can make an excellent brew, 'cause I'm the only one who gets to shag him senseless

swoons in a jealous fit

does this mean i'm in there?

but eww ... you're my brother, mj ... other than that minor detail ... yes, you are ! hehe

mig XXX

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Wow, sounds like you're perfect man is Arthur Dent.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
wow. Seems to be a whole World of Tea out there.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Maybe this is why I have all these women problems

Peace,

Beebes
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Boy George once famously proclaimed: 'I'd rather have a good cup of tea than sex!'
To which Spitting Image replied: 'Yes, but it doesn't half make your willy sore!'
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
My Wife is a tea person, and she trained me well.  No lipton for her!  And no Shagging for you.  I am married!
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top

Ive never been a huge fan of tea bags.  I use them when I have to, but I prefer loose leaf.

My favorite method is to put the loose leaf tea in the pot (you should pour boiling water in first, let it sit, then pour it out before adding the leaves) and then pour in water that is at boiling, but not yet boiling in on top of the leaves.  Let it steep for 5 minutes then pour through a cup strainer.

I prefer tea with just a touch of honey and I dash of milk if it is black tea.  I only drink herbal at night, and that I drink without anything in it.

 

Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
I make a mean batch of oregon chai.. I also do the formal japanese green tea cermony.. but sadly I am spoken for.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Better not visit the states, dear...I don't think my wife would appreciate you shagging me senseless after I make you the perfect cup of tea!

(lol)
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
well danny, you have the basics there. but you've also got blends of tea, special flavours, varied steeping times, varied strengths, pot or bag issues, sugar or lemon prferences, milk or no milk ... it's a science, it really is !


No "perfect" cup of tea was EVER made from a bag. Loose leaves only (which are becoming damn hard to find!)
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
19 by Gideon MacLeish
Friday, April 29, 2005


well danny, you have the basics there. but you've also got blends of tea, special flavours, varied steeping times, varied strengths, pot or bag issues, sugar or lemon prferences, milk or no milk ... it's a science, it really is !


No "perfect" cup of tea was EVER made from a bag. Loose leaves only (which are becoming damn hard to find!)


Move to california where I live, ya can't swing a dead cat without hitting as health food store.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top

ELITIST SWINE!

Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top

I can make a great cup of tea (I prefer tea over water/soda), have spent hours researching the G-spot and deep orgasms and shallow ones, too.

Take a number!  You are late and that is already a strike against you!

Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ah, that's why there are so many Asians! They make awesome tea and there's billions of them...everything is so clear now!

Thanks, Migs

~Zoo
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
Too bad, I'm a coffee man. 
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
Mig, it's good to see you're still enjoying your JU fame that you so deserve. Everything sounds great until the "drink it out of your navel part," mine is a weird outty that can turn inside out and while I like it for it's entertaining atributes, putting anything in your mouth that has been anywhere in its immediate vicinity should be avoided unless you enjoy t-shirt lint that needs carbon-dating to determine it's year of origin.

Peace,
Suspeckted
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top

TMI, Suspeckted!

yes. one would never have thought such a thing was possible, sabrina - suspeckted is such a fascinating, talented, clever and just plain dishy man that one would think one could never know enough.

this is not apprently so

Everything sounds great until the "drink it out of your navel part," mine is a weird outty that can turn inside out and while I like it for it's entertaining atributes, putting anything in your mouth that has been anywhere in its immediate vicinity should be avoided unless you enjoy t-shirt lint that needs carbon-dating to determine it's year of origin.

alphonse, um ... ewwww. thanks for that. the visual is just astonishing. so maybe the navel idea needs reworking in your case ... i could make a further suggestion but i fear compounding the pervy image this tea fetish blog currently producing

Too bad, I'm a coffee man.

stevendedalus ... *sob* ... how could you ? ... but you're otherwise perfect, so i'm willing to overlook your coffee 'thing'

Ah, that's why there are so many Asians! They make awesome tea and there's billions of them...everything is so clear now!

see, zoo ?. if you want anything explained, just ask miggy. hehe

With a tad of flash and a bit of flair, good tea can be brewed, sunned, microwaved, stirred, fresh, honeyed (not to mention the eighteen million variants of the honey blossom), peppered, and unsweetened. The metal of your pot you boil it in, the water you use, how fast you cool it down, glass, metal, or plastic pitcher, southern style or a good earl grey.. Peach maybe. Know who's drinking it and what they like and voila..So why am I single again?
  

i don't know ... BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BE !. what's wrong with women that such a man can go unappreciated ?. i mean, wow. oh wow. i'm SO impressed i'm beyond words.

Better not visit the states, dear...I don't think my wife would appreciate you shagging me senseless after I make you the perfect cup of tea!

gid, i congratulate you on your tea skills, even though i myself cannot partake of such things ! anyway, never mind, i don't think my hubby would go for the idea either !

I make a mean batch of oregon chai.. I also do the formal japanese green tea cermony.. but sadly I am spoken for.

moderateman, this is going to make me sound majorly sad, but that's the sexiest thing i've heard all year !.

My favorite method is to put the loose leaf tea in the pot (you should pour boiling water in first, let it sit, then pour it out before adding the leaves) and then pour in water that is at boiling, but not yet boiling in on top of the leaves. Let it steep for 5 minutes then pour through a cup strainer. I prefer tea with just a touch of honey and I dash of milk if it is black tea. I only drink herbal at night, and that I drink without anything in it.

*plans to save this comment for training purposes*

(note to karma, you and sabrina should write a tea book. you're both so good at this !. i think every man on ju will buy a coopy now, too !)

My Wife is a tea person, and she trained me well. No lipton for her! And no Shagging for you. I am married!

oh, your wife is a lucky woman, dr guy ... you understand the power of the cup of tea and you're not afraid to use it !

Boy George once famously proclaimed: 'I'd rather have a good cup of tea than sex!'
To which Spitting Image replied: 'Yes, but it doesn't half make your willy sore!'

willy !. what a fabulous word ! thank you, furry canary. i adore this comment .

Maybe this is why I have all these women problems

ah, no, beebes. that happens because you're trusting and nice !.

wow. Seems to be a whole World of Tea out there

there is, scatter. there is !. but it's never to late to learn !

How did I do, dear migs? (And when do i get my shagging? lol)

*swoons* that comment was like tea-porn ! sabrina, i think you've just created a new genre of erotica. imagine - you could start a 'tea-sex line' ... "and now the water is all steamy and bubbling ... and now i'm slowly adding it to the thirsty brown leaves ... and now the delicious aroma is wafting up ...." aarrrgghhh. (and as for the shagging, for that comment alone i could change sides heh) !

Wow, sounds like you're perfect man is Arthur Dent

thanks, toblerone ... i think ... but i don't actually know who arthur dent is. you'll have to excuse me. i'm australian !

mig XXX

Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
You can get loose leaf tea from Stash and Bigelow now (I think), but here is the link for the tea plae I love the most: Harney and Sons.
Link

I'm a fan of Rose Tea myself, but I like many kinds. Water must be boiled on the stove. No microwave! And personally I like real sugar - white granulated or sugar in the raw.

It isn't the tea however that gets the woman..(not that I'd know).. it's the conversation that goes along over the tea. It's the secret ingrediant.


Yeah, that's true too!

Nice article!