mignuna mignuna

i'm such a tea(se)

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i'm such a tea(se)

... aka 'what floats my boat' ;)

from JoeUser Forums

Care to know what 'floats my boat' ?

Exactly what does 'the little chef' need to do to 'stir my sauce' ?

Could it be sexual gymnastics ?

Endless preening, posturing and posing perhaps ?

Expensive meals, good wine, luxurious backrubs maybe?

Or even bending over backwards to make me happy with endless romance, flowers, heart-warming films and other such essential accoutrements ?

Nah.

If you want to see me writhe in ecstasy and slink across the carpet towards you in a frenzy of uncontrollable lust, then make me a nice cup of tea, there’s a love.

I mean it.

I've never met a man that can make the perfect cup of tea, but the very moment I do, I am going to knock him to the floor and shag him senseless.

Why ? Why can’t they do it ? What’s wrong with you people ?

Why will men spend fifty bucks on a book about ‘how to find the g-spot’ or spend seven hours trawling the net for the perfect night out and yet refuse to spend five minutes learning how to make a cup of tea that doesn’t taste like they washed their socks in it ?.

Please, single men of the world, if you want sex, don’t worry about looking all poncy and smelling all good. Forget about being rich or famous. Just learn how to brew a halfway decent cup of tea and you’ll be three-deep in women begging for your favours.

Lose those cheesy pick up lines forever – I promise you’ll get all the lovin’ you want if you approach a woman and say “I have some great new Chai at home, would you like to try it ?”.

If you do this, women will have sex with you just so they will be there when you make tea the next morning !. They will !. And they’ll say things like: “Make me another cup of tea like this one, and I’ll drink it out of your navel”

Ask your Nana if you have to, but whatever you do, learn to make that tea ... how hard can it possibly be ?

 

 

9,102 views 42 replies
Reply #26 from JoeUser Forums Top
but i don't actually know who arthur dent is. you'll have to excuse me. i'm australian!


Ack! That's no excuse. Migs, you're supposed to be well-educated and widely read, and yet you can't identify the protagonist of Douglas Adams' "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"? Shame!

Anyway, just to add a little tea blasphemy to the mix (since I know I'll never get a tea-based shagging, even if I were single and in the correct locale), I've never understood peoples' desire to drink water that's had dead leaves floating in it. It's just an inherently yucky idea, really.
Reply #27 from JoeUser Forums Top
Citahellion, and drinking water with other odd things in it is any better? Soda is acid water, alcohol is poison water, us people drink some very strange things.
Sins of a Solar Empire II
Reply #28 from JoeUser Forums Top

Citahellion, and drinking water with other odd things in it is any better? Soda is acid water, alcohol is poison water, us people drink some very strange things.

yea, a health nut once told me the best thing to drink was ice water (not water, ice water).  I gave up coffee, tea and soda.

Now all I drink is Ice water (sometimes I add some hops to it tho! )

Reply #29 from JoeUser Forums Top
*day dreaming sigh* i guess that's why English men are so attractive. And i thought it was the accent, silly me!
Reply #30 from JoeUser Forums Top
but i don't actually know who arthur dent is. you'll have to excuse me. i'm australian!


Ack! That's no excuse. Migs, you're supposed to be well-educated and widely read, and yet you can't identify the protagonist of Douglas Adams' "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"? Shame!


Thanks for covering that citahellion. For the record Mignuna I'm Australian too. I just took a punt that you'd know what I was talking about, you must read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy you'll love Arthur...well maybe not but you'll appreciate his choice of beverage at least.
Reply #31 from JoeUser Forums Top

fish fuck in it, you know.

Poop and pee too.

But then the only difference betwen Ice cubes (klink?) and Ice water is the temperature.

Reply #32 from JoeUser Forums Top
So, all that sweet iced tea I drink at lunch is the mead of the commoner???
Reply #33 from JoeUser Forums Top
Citahellion, and drinking water with other odd things in it is any better? Soda is acid water, alcohol is poison water, us people drink some very strange things.


Soda might have a slightly lower pH than regular water, but it's really water with sugar, artificial flavoring, and carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide is a natural byproduct of breathing. Sugar is good stuff. And artificial flavoring is tasty chemicals. Compare that to water with dead leaves soaking in it and I think soda comes out waaaay ahead.

Alcohol may have water in it, but it is not "water plus some other stuff". It is fermented vegetable matter. In this regard it ranks right up with sour cream (i.e. deliberately spoiled milk) on the list of "what were they thinking?" On the other hand, it does have fairly obvious and reasonably immediate side effects, unlike tea, so at least it serves a purpose.

As for the ichthic fornication issue, they've done that in whatever water you've been using. Milk is mostly water too, but it's had fish semen in it AND spent days inside a cow. How attractive is THAT?
And besides, water can be filtered. Get all those little fishy bits out, no problem.
Reply #34 from JoeUser Forums Top

As for the ichthic fornication issue, they've done that in whatever water you've been using. Milk is mostly water too, but it's had fish semen in it AND spent days inside a cow. How attractive is THAT?
And besides, water can be filtered. Get all those little fishy bits out, no problem.

That is why Hops and brewing kills all the nasty buggers!

Reply #36 from JoeUser Forums Top
Making tea is hard, really hard. Mine always ends up way too bitter.
Reply #37 from JoeUser Forums Top
ichthic fornication


Ichthic fornication....I love it! It'd make a GREAT name for a Rock band!
Reply #38 from JoeUser Forums Top
You know Migs you certainly know what you're talking about! Making the perfect cup of tea to the drinkers content is so difficult to do for most people. I am the only who makes my tea the way I like it. My husband still doesn't know how to make me the perfect cup of tea. I cannot drink it unless it's the way I like it too!

I use teabags these days because it's more convenient and I'm so glad they have such a wide variety too.

Nice article!