the cat o' nine be lookin' as if 'e be down ta seven

I be reckonin Doc dun fergot to menchun to ye Capt'n that while 'e was in port he picked hisself up sum of that thar Viagar stuff

Aaaarrrgghhh....so that be why he n' an assortmint o' wenches bin m-i-a on deck lately!!! Tha scoundrel bin 'idin' down in e's cabin consortin' wiv tha luvverlies n' practisin' he's 'orizontal tango. Orright, that be tha polite way o' puttin' it, but ye knows wot I mean....he have unleashed tha pyjama python n' be tryin' ta teach them thar lassies tha subtle moves of erotic dancin'.

Remembers bein' in a club when one o' them thar erotic dancers comes up to I n' puts 'er snake on me lap Dunno who whar more scared, me (probably) or tha snake, but tha next fing I knows I were covered in shite.....'owever, I'll be sure ta take me a change o' clean pantaloons n' undergarments fer if n' when I e'er gits back thar.

Oh, n' by tha way, when her act were over, she tried ta take tha wrong python wiv 'er backstage.

"Ere, Fuzzy, now ye sees that thar poor moggie above....he whar a cat o' nine 'til yer unfettered sehlat ran amok n' turned 'im inta a cat o' seven. That be why ye cain't 'ave yer sehlat unleashed aboard ship....an' I'd hate ta think what'd become of tha poor wenches if he whar ta stumble upon Mate Guy's stash o' Viagara.

Oh, n' by tha way, when her act were over, she tried ta take tha wrong python wiv 'er backstage.

Thar be a Royal tale to tell if'n thar ever wuz one to be sher

Thar be a Royal tale to tell if'n thar ever wuz one to be sher

It be fer sher....trouble were, I were stuck fast ta me seat....er, um, well let's put it this way, bein' afeared o' tha snake weren't tha only reason.

And ta fink, I shoulda knowed ta 'ave 'ad a bowl o' light grub instead o' that thar curried cabbage afore I went.

And ta fink,

Capt'n it be no fault of your'n tha ye be a man of accshun, it be braun that catapults
a man of ye stature ta tha position ye be a hold'n not brane pow'r...

Capt'n it be no fault of your'n tha ye be a man of accshun, it be braun that catapults a man of ye stature ta tha position of.....

more trouble than I can 'andle at times....an' it prob'ly be tha mischievous brane pow'r I 'aves that gits me inta it.

As fer me stature....I'd rather 'ave 46" on me chest than me belly...thar be parts o' me anatomy I ain't see'd in years an' it be a bugger tryin' ta tie me shoe lace. Juss as well tha ol' cobblers ain't dun made a shoe fer me peg leg....otherwise I'd be thar all day juss gittin' me footwhare sorted.



Life's too Serious to be Taken Seriously

Amen. 'n way too short as well.

unless they be a wench lawyer, then thar'd be another point they'd git ta understand n' thar'd be no bloodshed .....

Be not that agin the rules of decency and humanity? A wench lawyer? None worse can e'en be magined!

A wench lawyer?

Ooooh-Aarrrgghhh, they do exist, alright....them be tha ones in tha Divorce Courts that screws us fellers outta all our booty. Thar should be a lore agin it!

If'n e'er I be silly (glutton fer punishment) enough ta wed agin, I'm gonna have one o' them thar pre-nup thingwybobs thay says I be allowed ta leave wiv ALL me booty if her has too many o' them thar nuptial preventin' 'eadaches.

Thar should be a lore agin it!

It agin nature! Abomination I name thee! More ferocious than a wolverine, more deadly than anthrax! And no 'eart ta boot!

It agin nature! Abomination I name thee! More ferocious than a wolverine, more deadly than anthrax! And no 'eart ta boot!

I knows I be gonna git inta trubble fer this un, but a feller shoulda bin quick enuff t'ave stoled them thar lawyer wenches shoes n' kept 'em in tha puddin' club...barefoot n' pregnant'd 'elp us keep some treasure in our chests....well that bit us don't paaart wiv aforehand ta git tha missus flowers n' chocklits n' fancy frocks n' jewelery.

but a feller shoulda bin quick enuff t'ave stoled them thar lawyer wenches shoes n' kept 'em in tha puddin' club...

Ye kenna pin that'on me! I be not guilty! Pure as the white sheets o'er the sails!

Ye kenna pin that'on me! I be not guilty! Pure as the white sheets o'er the sails!

Aaarrrghh, but them thar sails baint be white.....they be traditionally black ta truly reflect us pirates black 'earts! So 'ow pure be ye really, Mate Guy?

As fer not bein' guilty...BAH! Ye be as guilty o' fun luvin' n' mischief as the rest o' us!

Orright, so ye 'asn't wedded n bedded one o' them thar lawyer wenches, YET, but it might be a good idear if ye wos ta lavish yer affecshuns on one er two of 'em n' plot together tha relieve a few wealthy ol' sods o' thar booty....t'would save us a lot o' powder n' cannon balls ta git it.

Pure as the white sheets o'er the sails!

So 'ow pure be ye really, Mate Guy?

Capt'n ye both 'ave been a little to tight with ta rum to be sayin' sich as this 'ere dribble...I be expectin' Peck to swoop down an bite ye both back to reality sher as the wind lift the sails

Capt'n ye both 'ave been a little to tight with ta rum to be sayin' sich as this 'ere dribble...I be expectin' Peck to swoop down an bite ye both back to reality sher as the wind lift the sails

Aye, I best be more generus wit ta rum so that me mates have sometin else ta keep em busy.

sher as the wind lift the sails

Ye can be guaranteed o' it....tha cook gave I a double helpin' o' curried cabbage las' nite.

But me thinks I'll abstain frum tha rum....makes me fart wurse than a brewers 'orse ....n' us don't wanna be 'avin ta be pullin' inta port ta replace blowed away sails.

But me thinks I'll abstain frum tha rum....makes me fart wurse than a brewers 'orse

If'n ye be mixin Aqua Velva in with it, ye will smell so good ye be fallin' in Luv with yeself

If'n ye be mixin Aqua Velva in with it, ye will smell so good ye be fallin' in Luv with yeself

Dunno 'bout that! A former g/friend reg'larly complained that I frequently shamed 'er in public wiv me extreme bouts o' pungent pantaloon puffin'....so afore us went ashore ta sup at the Pirates Inn one evenin', I drank me a whole bottle o' that thar Old Spice aftershave ta 'opefully prevent me odious emissions n' save 'er goin' beetroot red.

Didn't work tho....tha spice in tha Old Spice juss concentrated the curry in tha curried cabbage even more....n' tha whole inn whar evacuated, fer a whole week.

Capt'n, from the looks of it we be have some mates missin' an a skiff to boot

Capt'n, from the looks of it we be have some mates missin' an a skiff to boot

Aaarrghhh...us'll 'ave ta lornch tha longboat n' drag 'em back in chains frum that thar isle they be cavortin' about on wiv near nekkid native wenches....

Best we up thar rum rations ta keep 'em a bit 'appier....too drunk ta row ashore.

.....'Ere, do 'e think it be all that thar curried cabbage I be eatin' that's drivin' 'em ta seek refuge (fresh air) ashore?

Orright, curried cabbage is off the menu....tis safe ta come back aboard now, really!

Sorry Cap'n {Urrrrp}. Was feasting on them birds they got in this here land.

I found the Doc's stash and hav' been partakin' of it Capt'n

of rum that is