Thanks for the welcome, Jaws. But PAPERWORK?

Three hours later, Obi-Wan was finishing the last of the paperwork. His robes, brown when he had entered the room, had been scorched to black from radiant body heat as he tried to keep his temper under control. With something approaching relief - or at least a break in the hostilities - he read the last question on the last sheet of the last ream of paper...

Question 2,041. If you were a member of the plant kingdom, would you be:

A. A grapefruit
B. A eucalyptus leaf
C. A cactus
D. Other

If "B," would you be moist and tender?

Obi-Wan quickly checked "D," scribbled "Coffee bean" in the blank, and looked up to see Jaws licking his chops. Grimly, Obi-Wan reached for the next-of-kin information pile and signed...with his lightsaber.

Jaws looked a bit taken aback. "I'll see if General Wombat is available, now, sir..."

"Good." snarled the ex-Jedi, taking another snort of schnapps from his hip flask. "And I'll have some more of those flaky pastries while you're up."

Jaws remembered Wombie's warnings about annoying Jedi Knights when they'd had a wee bit too much to drink. Something about heightened Force powers and a complete lack of control when using them. He didn't remember the exact words, because Wombie had been in the middle of a flashback at the time, underneath a table, screaming "Back! Back! Hello, Operator? Get me the detox center! Do they have ambulances? Warships!?!"

He decided it might be fun to send in Killa with the pastries while he turned on some elevator music.

"Killa"

Killa looked up from his notepad, stood up and placed the notepad next to his glass of Pinot.

"What's happening?"..
"It's Obi Wan, he wants some more of those pastries and he's hitting the schnapps pretty hard... do you know what Wombie is doing?"
"It's been pretty quiet in there, don't want to disturb him.. I think its a conference call with her...."
"Killa.... Killa....."
Killa shook his head, his glazed expression returning to normal..
"Sorry Jaws, you know how I get when I think about.."
"Not now Killa"
"I need to make some more of these Jaws, it'll be a few minutes"

"Don't go putting any of those haluci-eucalyptus leaves in them.... God knows what reaction it would have with schnapps and the force"

Killa walked off with a faraway look in his eyes and a slight smile on his face

Hey BlueSteel! How about I stick your cousin on a pike and roast him on a spit! I hear he's delicious!

Sorry, sorry. I'm a bit, um, sensitive about such things. (:(




Yeah. (twitch.) Like Duck a la Range.

(sigh)

I suppose I could experiment. But if you start tying me up like a Christmas turkey, I'm doing a runner.

Has Wombie been womnapped?

Welcome Obi Wan and Quack and Hurley. I'm sure that once the paperwork is sorted, there will be Pinot for all.

Recruiting was going well for the special forces. Since this was Halloween, they decided that two nameless faceless wannabe recruits (that really didn't make the grade) would go on a snipe hunt. They were sent to the narn system, but as newbies do sometimes, lost their way and ended up on the Genisis planet instead.

Meanwhile, On the Genesis planet: It sensed two more playthings coming. And Oh now that it had consumed humans and learned of Halloween, it wanted to play. Pennywise was scary enough, it thought. Why not try it again. The two unsuspecting snipe hunters rounded the bend. Boo!!! Shouted Pennywise as it shambled toward them, teeth blaring, mold hanging from it's sunken left cheek. It was learning to shape itself in a myriad of gruesome ways.

"I am the viper..... It said in a snake like Voice. I am the Viperrrr.

LETS GET OUT OF HERE THE RECRUITS SAID. They bolted. They ran as fast as they could.
I am the Viperrrr.........

They ran further

I am the Viper...........

Finally, nearly exhausted they ran into a box canyon. I am the viperrrr.......

Once it found them, it saw one of the recruits had wizzed his drawers.

I am the viperrrr.... It said as it approached them.
By this time pennywise resembled an actual clown.

I am the viper....

VOULD VOU LIKE VOUR VINDOWS VIPED?

Holy Bejesus you had us scared said the two recruits said laughingly. It then consumed them.


HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

Geez...leave the compu-thingy for a few hours and all hell breaks loose...

OK - Hurley and Quack - you need to REQUEST TO JOIN, and I will join you up; I dont intiate the process. Hurry up...I miss you!

Big welcome to OBI WAN!! And judging from the first thirty posts:

1. Obi is going to fit in very nicely (yay!)
2. This is gonna be one hell of a ride!

GO SPECIAL FORCES!!
[Message Edited]

Good luck on your new empire! Just remember to go easy on the leaves. Oh, and always keep an eye on the radar.

Ah, so many hoops to jump through.
You're treating us like animals.

Hey, we took the transmorgrifier with us, didn't we?

We did... Does Obi Wan want to transmorgrify

Should have called your self "The Mutants" then we could be at war with "The Mutants" from outer space.. LOL

Wombat stared fixedly at the screen on the compu-thingy. He knew the answer was there somewhere...he knew he could BEAT this game...

Tiredly, he spun his executive leather office chair away from the screen. Solitaire was just too damn difficult. For the thousandth time, he wished the PC had come with Whack-a-Mole instead.

A sudden commotion made him spin back around. With a scream of tortured metal, the reinforced doors blasted inwards. A gaunt, black-robed figure stood in the doorway.

Wombie gasped. "Obi-Wan?"

(hic) "sort of..."

As the ex-Jedi collapsed, Wombie ran forward. And just as quickly turned back and opened the window, gasping for air. "What have you been DRINKING?"

"Schnapps...'s imported. 42% alc..alky...content..." Wombat's desk abruptly and neatly flipped upside-down, smashing the computer to bits. "Oops. Force control a bit off."

Wombat beamed. "Hey, that's gotta be covered by the insurance policy. Maybe I can get one with Whack-a-Mole this time!"

Obi-Wan shook his head to try to clear the cobwebs. "I think I drank a bit too much. I actually thought I saw a penguin and a duck out in the waiting room arguing about jumping through hoops. What is this, a Flipper reunion?"

"Oh, that'd be Hurls and Quack. I was starting to wonder where they were."

The ex-Jedi passed out...

Editor's Note:

1. Jedi, generally speaking, are upstanding individuals who would NEVER drink alcohol...particularly imported schnapps. Jedi live on a strict diet of bottled water and pretzel sticks. The fact that Obi-Wan was consuming alcohol in the tale above just shows how poorly his training has slipped since his departure from the order. Remember this lesson, kiddies! Alcohol is BAD!

2. General "Wild" Wombat, combat leader of the elite Special Forces, is an amazingly intelligent creature who regularly beats Cray supercomputers at chess. His ineptitude over a simple game of compu-thingy solitaire in this little slice of prose was purely a dramatic device.

3. When they do drink, Jedi do a lot more damage than flipping desks. The best defense against an alcohol-fueled Force attack is distance. Being in the next star system is good. Being in another sector entirely is better.

Remember, any lies or fabrications found in prose stories aren't really lies; they're "dramatic license."

Coming soon: Jaws finds out what happens when you wake up a Jedi with a hangover!

Ah, the joys of fitting in. Let's play with the story for a bit first...



Missed the Freedom Force bit a few months back, Blue?

/quack sniffs the air in the room

Ah, you brought the good stuff, mate! I'm sick of these bloody winos.

/quack takes a swig

Yer, taht's the teekit! Ax-shecpt no ee-mee-tay-chuns!

Quack - that's my last bottle of the good stuff. Might want to see if anybody can reach Kit - he always had a few cases down in the cargo hold.

I thought he hid them down his pants.

Coming soon: Jaws finds out what happens when you wake up a Jedi with a hangover!

I can't WAIT!

I thought the phrase was "oven ready" - pass the oranges, I feel a cooking fit coming on! Schnapps marinaded Duck A LOrange anyone

Alex

~SDC~
[Message Edited]

Found you guys at last..


geeze go away for a month and the metaverse falls apart.
Almost makes one's ego blush

You got the bar set up yet.?

I realy need a drink cause i didn't recognise the galactic map. Empire positions have changed along with the colours too.

Me old maps are no good.
I meen whats anzacs doing in the middle instead of the top left
FOTR is now where the cornsmokers where
The corny ones have taken Jedi space

the jedi and Euros are in Anzacs old spot

'Sir, Private First Class, Cypher Pax, Airborne Division. Reporting for duty, SIR!'
Cypher Pax snapped a crisp salute to the duck.

'Cypher, we keep telling you that you're not a grunt. Look at your uniform for goodness sake, you're now a Rear Admiral!' the duck responded, not bothering to return the salute.

'You're not going to actually let him in, are you? He's nuts.' whispered the Jedi, the newest addition to the elite unit.

'I don't know. I think Wombat is considering it. He's not actually a bad bloke, just a few too many drops if you catch my meaning.' replied the duck.

'Of course, you have to let him' Jaws shouted as he entered the scene. 'His daughter is really a first rate commando, she'll keep him out of trouble.'

'What do we do with him? asked Obi Wan nervously remembering the scene in the Gazebo when he had been made an honorary member of the POSSE.

'I have an idea, let's put him on guard duty. Cypher - guard this bar. You are to only allow people with this patch (pointing to the Special Forces) patch drink wine from this bar.' said the Koala. He knew this would make Hurley impatient to join.

'Yes, Sir. You have trained me well. No one without a Special Forces patch shall drink wine from the bar.' Cypher shouted as he climbed on top of the bar in preparation to drop.

'Leaving GROSS seems to have really hit him hard. Somebody better tell Wombat he's waiting....' sighed Killa.

----------------------------------------------------
Obi Wan- Welcome to the Posse!
Bakka- Welcome back. Glad to see you survived the honeymoon. I know the guys would love to have you back again... I just hope they take me back.

Cheers,
Cypher

Thanks Cypher.
I wouldn't sweat it. You will get in. It's Friday night here and the wild child is out on the prowl I expect.
Either that or he didn't get your invite. Your gotta remember we are in a third world internet country down here in Oz land.

That old Bluesteel dummy target we setup for you hasn't had much use recently.

PS could you sneak me a sixpack from the bar.. put it on Killa's tab.. he won't mind.

Won't mind!!!??? What reality are you living in??!!

I see that Obi Wan rejected the offer of the Jedi Academy for a life of battle action and dangers, good luck my friend your place at the Academy will be always open for you.

May The Force always shows you the right path.

Stealing beer from the 3RAR paras at Holsworthy... that's a stupid thing to do.

But stealing beer from the Special Forces... oh, my. It's time for some "contact counselling".

:INSERT_EVIL_SMILEY_HERE:

Your logo reminds me of something....Ah yes the Transformers you guys are Decepticons aren't you. OK who gets to be Megatron??