[quote who="Orodum" reply="19" id="2192600"]It seems a bit too god-like for one man, armed with a pistol to take out twenty armed and armored, highly trained, ready for combat Vasari. and the lowest crew complement of any Vasari capitol ship is 4000, the Antorak Marauder. the Devastator has a complement of 9,000, and is the likely choice for a flagship (and a flagship would have a much higher crew complement than a standard ship). it doesn't seem realistic that he would
[quote who="HiddenMaster" reply="16" id="2188863"]No, I was insulting the Vassari and I used very crude words. By the way, I still think you should have taken a different approach to Kol taking over the ship, as I said before disabling shields or weapons or something. I still find it doudtful he could have gotten to the bridge without being killed or captured [/quote] theres gonna be an explanation. remember, im doing this book-style, so this explanation would come on the next pa
[quote who="HiddenMaster" reply="14" id="2188207"]What I said was very rude. I will not allow people to view it. [/quote] ? wat was rude? that last thing u said? no, its good to argue the finer points of my story with me, it helps me refine the story and work it into you guys's interests. i mean if u just go on saying how my story sucks and how i should delete it all or something im not gonna listen to that......but i like ur comments cause uv helped me work out what i wa
[quote who="HiddenMaster" reply="12" id="2186720"]No, there would be some communication with the outside. It is rare for every ship in a fleet to be destroyed, there would have been at least some communication with another ship or several ship about an intruder on board, and it is probable that they would conclude he had taken over the ship. Either way, if no one had survived the Vassari would start to get tougher as the war dragged on, and I believe there would be more ship board combat as t
[quote who="HiddenMaster" reply="10" id="2186455"]Well, it makes some more sense now, but the Vassari would be outraged over losing their ship to a single person, so they would almost immediately start trying new combat training techniques in an attempt to make sure it does not happen again [/quote] exactly. if only there were survivors to let the rest of them know how they had lost......o well. sucks to be them.
[quote who="israil" reply="7" id="2185749"]I have to admit I don't really like the idea of the vasari being push overs in man-to-man or in a fire fight. what i would like better is that the jackal was just that much of a bad ass, and that kol's muscle memory remembers being the jackal (in kind of a bourne identity way), and he takes out 20 vasari and makes it to the bridge. you never really explained why the jackal was special, just that the tec feared and respected hi
o, just a thought i wanted to put out here. dont no why, but i got the urge to incorporate a little shakespeare to the story, giv it some class. the voice kol hears is from part 2 of Romeo and Juliet, where Romeo sees Juliet on her balcony. loosely. i changed a few words around. but i had the shakespearean words right next to me, and i was writing them off of that. just a little tweed there.
[quote who="HiddenMaster" reply="4" id="2184551"]It was pretty good, liked the idea about Kol's ship crashing into the ship. But I just have to say this. There is no way one lightly armed person would be able to take over an entire ship, when up against heavily armed soldiers. There are a few ways to fix this, but I think the best one would be for the ship to already have suffered extensive damage, with many of the crew injured or dead. Then he might do it. But only armed with a pistol agains
[quote who="HiddenMaster" reply="24" id="2182277"]Possibly some type of laser that need to charge and is normally suicidal to activate during an engagement because of the time it takes to charge. It could be that a laser that either slices through armor like butter or it could completely bypass the shields and strike something vital, possibly ammunition storage or to breach antimatter storage. Or it could possibly be something that is similar to a missle, and hits the ship at a high speed and
[quote who="HiddenMaster" reply="19" id="2180416"]Hey guywhoyoudontno, I've got an idea for the next part of the Kol thing, right? Well, I was thinking about the weapon Kol has on his fighter, and I think it could be a burrowing missle. Imagine this. It is meant to attach itself to a ship once the shields are down, and using a drill would start burrowing itself into the ship, and when it reaches a certain point, it explodes. I doudt this would kill a capital ship, so you could make it breach
[quote who="Ackerman74" reply="15" id="2178666"]This story is taking place at different times at different points. For instance, Kol is 8 years before the game, Archie is about 4 years, and the advent are about present or 5 years, depending on who he's talking about. Right, guywhoyoudontno? [/quote] exactly. im planning to put the present at the point where the advent join the war, and then time will be spaced out in A.I.'s (after invasion). [quote who="CorKnight04" reply
[quote who="SlothSacks" reply="7" id="2176764"]i thought arcie was dead... [/quote] nope. whered u get that from? the last time he was here he had a dream where he shot Haiti in the head. it was a dream, tho. and nothing happened to archie in it anyway.
[quote who="HiddenMaster" reply="4" id="2176589"]Pretty good chapter. Wasn't expecting the eyes thing. Going from ice blue to blood red. Nice job on that. Couldn't have done better myself. It was a little short though [/quote] yeah it seemed a little short, but i had nothing more to write about them for now. next up is back to kol, then probably the vasari after that. with a little bit of archie mixed in. maybe. possibly the advent as well. and maybe some pirates. and some space
[quote who="Ackerman74" reply="22" id="2167652"]My only problem is the whole army-navy thing. Naval ranks should be used on ships, and army on planets if it gets that far. Aside from that, brilliant story [/quote] I derived the Sinner ranks from the u.s. navy ranks. I just changed them up a bit, and gave them different names. I could post the graph if you want to see it.
[quote who="HiddenMaster" reply="20" id="2167290"]Another excellent Chapter. Just one thing, I would suggest you start making Zeke's body regenerate, possibly a side affect of one of the Advent thing or that it is just finaly able to start normal growth again now that the brain is in control again. But I would suggest you make sure there are a few changes, such as his eyes not quite being the Advent's eyes but them always being a little cloudy and possibly changing if Alfr'eda takes control.
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