Mr_Ph00ey2u

Mr_Ph00ey2u

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Obituaries Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours, as long time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as the man who "never knew how much

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YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN.... 2003 EDITION (Compliments of Bill Maddocks) 1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter. 3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center. 4. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 5. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 6. You think the Nutcracker is something you do off the highd

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In Texas, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a mutt dog just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. So, what's your story?" The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no

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The National Education Association is celebrating "Read Across America" by encouraging adults to read to children. Of course,Green Eggs and Ham is one of the most popular Dr. Seuss books. And there's the dilemma. How can Jewish kids celebrate with green Eggs and HAM? So, in honor of (and with apologies to the estate of Dr. Seuss) here's a new ending for the story-- You will never see... They are not KOSHER, So let me be! I will not eat green eggs and ham. I will not eat them

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A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of Jack Daniels whiskey and two worms. "Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the teacher putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a door nail. "Now, what

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A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either". <A HREF="https://www.wincustomize.com/index.asp?Cmd=f

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One day a pirate and a bartender were talking to each other in a bar. The bartender asked the pirate, "Where did ya get that peg leg from?" The pirate responded, "We were sailing the seas when a big old shark came up to me while I was swimmin' and bit off me leg." Later the bartender asked, "Where did you get that hook then?" The pirate responded, "Well, me crew and I were in a battle and it got cut through the bone." The bartender then asked, "Then where did ya get the eye patch from?" The pira

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Here's some helpful hints for other bachelors here...I've compiled this list to help ensure all of us eat properly The Bachelor's Guide to Food! ~*~ BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your br

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Great Jokes! LMAO!! ...but did ya know... I'm sure you've heard about Spain's famous "Running of the Bulls." But did you know there are two follow-up events? The "Soiling of the Pants." And then the "Burying of the Idiots." <img src="http://images.stardock.com/images/smiles/sb.gif" border=0

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Here's one for those suffering through the winter blues. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Peff's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast

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werewolf...don't feel bad, look how long Buc fans have waited! Used to have to wear a bag over my head to root for them! 0-28 at one time!

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The Outhouse Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in Arkansas out on the farm up in the hills. Pa has found out that the hole for the outhouse is full. He goes in the house and tells Ma he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole. Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the youngun down the road???. He must be smart because he is a college graduate." So Pa drives down to the neighbors. He ask him " Mr. College graduate, my hole for the outhouse is a full and I don't know what to do to empty it.

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One last one and I'm callin' it a night (why do I hear cheering?) It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up." "That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like m

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The carrot (Daucus carota) gets its name from the French word carotte, which in turn comes from the Latin carota. It has been known since ancient times and is believed to have originated in Afghanistan and adjacent areas. Our common carrot is called the Mediterranean type, because it has long been known in Mediterranean countries and was probably developed there from kinds carried from Asia Minor. In the Far East is still another form, the Japanese carrot,

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Signs Your Family May Be Dysfunctional..... * New bill to ban assault weapons specifically mentions your family. * Your vacations are planned through AA instead of AAA. * Your mother and your preteen sister always fighting over the last beer. * In the middle of family reunion, FBI cuts power to ranch. * Bikers next door always complaining about the noise. * Holidays are usually celebrated by sniffing glue and kicking a toaster around the house. * Family discussio

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A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it." <A HREF="https://www.wincustom

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Stuff you never knew but will help you win a beer in the bar: The Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's A Wonderful Life." The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet

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CAT'S NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS * I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups. * When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock. * Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail. * I am a walking static generator. My human doesn't need my help installing a new board in her computer. * I will not bring the city police to the front door by stepping on the speaker phone b

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