Special Notice As many of you know, each year the Internet must be shut down for 24 hours in order to allow us to clean it. The cleaning process, which eliminates dead email and inactive ftp, www and gopher sites, allows for a better working and faster Internet. This year, the cleaning process will take place from 12:01 a.m.. GMT on April 1st until 12:01 a.m, GMT on April 2nd During that 24-hour period, five powerful Internet search engines situated around the world
Dogfight Bush and Saddam decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. Saddam found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and
Todie! A priest, a doctor, and a professional golfer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. GOLFER: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! DOCTOR:
Opps! Double post! Looks like the jokes on me today! Drive on After getting all of Pope John-Paul's luggage loaded in the limo (and His Holiness doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Eminence." says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says th
Where Are We? Two tourists were driving through Texas. As they were approaching the town of Nacogdoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are ... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrr
Where Are We? Two tourists were driving through Texas. As they were approaching the town of Nacogdoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are ... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrr
Ingui, I read and re-read the documentation and I didn't see anything that would allow you to do that either, unless there are "undocumented" routines. You need someone more "in the know" of the programming...like the guy who wrote the scripting routine If ya can't do that then it would be a great addition for the next version..I can certainly see how ya could do some pretty fancy stuff if there was some sort
Little Golden Books That Never Made It: 1. You Are Different And That's Bad. 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables. 3. Dad's New Wife Robert. 4. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her 5. Curious George and the High Voltage Fence 6. All Cats Go To Hell 7. The Little Sissy Who Snitched 8. Some Kittens Can Fly 9. That's It, I'm Putting You Up For Adoption 10. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator 11. St
Buffalo Theory One afternoon at WC, mrtee was explaining the Buffalo Theory to Kimbabe . Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Kim, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weak
Ut-Oh! Looks like Bianca is bringing back the battle of the sexes jokes! I'm staying out of this...could get messy! Girls wearing Lipstick According to a news report, a certain private school recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of middle school girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lips
Thanks CerebroJD, Styl skinner, Kim & mrtee for keeping things bumped during my absence on to the Jokes! The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy." The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautif
Shorts A guy walks into a bar...and it hurt. ---------------------------------------------- Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted. ---------------------------------------------- A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." ---------------------------------------------- A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry we don't serve food in here." ----------------------------------
A young Catholic priest decided to enter a monastery. He joined one particularly strict sect. The head monk told him, at his indoctrination, that they were sworn to TOTAL silence. They could not speak one word at all. However, every ten years, they would be permitted to speak two words. After 10 years of total silence, the head monk indicated it was now time for him to speak his two words. The monk said, "Bed hard!" And then he resumed his silent study and work.<
Fuzzy! The girls are gonna kill you! Why Men are Proud of Themselves ---------------------------------------- 1. We know stuff about tanks 2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase 3. We can open all our own jars 4. We can go to the bathroom without a support group 5. We don't ha
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